Unfinished Business (3)

I can hear clearly now. And my memories are slowly coming back too. I can make sense of where I am and this throbbing pain surging through my veins. It's a burning sensation that goes from my arms to my chest, to every inch of my being. She was there seated across my bed. That's my mother, not the "she" I was referring to about.

"So can we go out to lunch?" I said. It's like time frooze and I can sense every breath I take. All my other senses yielded to boost my hearing, waiting for the answer. It was one of the longest split second of my then very young life. "No, I'm going home..." The world came crashing. Hoping no one heard I ask her to have lunch with me.

The doctor said that I'm going to be fine in a few days of rest. No major organ was affected or damaged or whatever. I was lucky. But there is a pain no medical instrument can reveal. A pain in the heart. I wish there is an anti-emotion pill I can dose myself, to forget that I have feelings and that they are real.

But can you go home with me since we dont have classes in the afternoon? She said it. I didn't know how to react, my knees felt weak. Yes. I said, with a smile. Make that a big smile it might have been scary. As we were walking waiting for a jeep I carried her books, typical gestures of a boy with feelings.

What were you thinking? My mother blurted in composed anger. I'm sorry. Is all I can say. The pain is becoming real by each passing second. Not the pain from the needles on my wrist. But the aching beating of my heart. It devastated me. Scarred me for life. Bitch.