At this very moment Im in pain. And it reeks through the very fiber of my being. It instantly reminds me of my mortality and how each and every moment spent should not be wasted. That every moment counts and that each second is a gift.
This is NOT the 1st time. I am sick, was sick, will be sick. But I don't want to be pitied upon. I dont want that! I want to be treated as people see me fit treated. There is nothing more honest and more satisfying for people to show their true feelings about you good or bad.
When times like this comes, there is only one thing that crosses my mind. Have I served my purpose? I know, quite a heavy question to ask. Since I cant answer my own question directly, I broke it down to subquestions. What were the things you do that you think were the right things, and what things were not?
Am I happy? Am I contented?
Sadly at this point of my life, the answers are mediocre if not a total fail.
This saddens me more, and aches my soul. How can you treat a soul? It's not like you go to a specialist and they will give you medicine to heal it. Yes, I know people will tell, there is a God who loves you and will take care of you. No offense to those people, but I think God does not operate that way, just my opinion.
Doing the right thing, and touching people's lives I find that more satisfying than listening to sermons only to go home and do the same habits! Dirty kind if habits! That kind of faith is pointless, for doing nothing when you could have done something is a grave offense.
How I envy those who have food to eat but dont eat because they get fat. "Eating is not the problem. Your attitude towards it is the problem". I always murmur in my mind. How I dont get people who waste their lives through vices when there are so many alternatives for their time. How come there are people who chooses to end their own lives when someone is fighting for one more breath?
Yes life affects us in different ways but to blame it all to the environment, hormones, or other people your misfortunes is but cowardice on your part. You have a choice, and you have choosen which path to trail.
And I have chosen my way. That is to continue living as much and as longer and as meaningful as I could. I think I still have a long time to carry out this plan.
But first is for me to just smell and taste the beach. It just takes all my worries even just for a moment.
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