Fairytale

Im in a pool
A frog you must kiss
I may not turn out to the the handsome prince
But let me promise you this, you will be
My one and only princess

I may not have a horse
Or carry a sword
That will protect you from the witch
But let me promise you this, I will be
The one to kiss you when you fall into a deep sleep

Out of the billion
You are my only maiden
That can fill this shoe
You left when we danced
When we danced in the rain

I may not come from a ship
That makes you wish you have feet
My love is as big as the ocean
Let me give up my breath
To be with you beneath

Long hair, red hood, skin white as snow
Doesn't really matter
For they are just skin deep that time can erase

A horse or a noble steed
I have not
Even chariots, or cars I can't even rent
But let me promise you this, we can travel
Together holding hands as long as we have each other

How May Times Will It Take?

My intentions are good

But why do it translates to nothingness?

Can I go back

To the moment before I even tried?

Now Im carrying the weight

And I cant barely hold it up

Atlas must felt the same

Holding the sky away from the sand

Should accept that sometimes

The truth hurts, and hurts deep

Cause it may take a hundred lifetimes

For me to finally get it right

Should have get wiser

From each moment that life

Turns to a diffent cheek

But no, sometimes wrong is an adrenaline rush

So the last thing that I can speak

To you that cares

Is a simple sorry

That even me sometimes can't take

Uncertain

How can I go
When my thoughts are peg
On you?

How can I move on
When my inspiration is
Still you?

Can't I run
Away from your shadow
For maybe just awhile
Without losing breath?

Can't I live a day
Without you in my thoughts
That hours seems to stand still
Where every second pierces my health?

Is it really you?
Or am I just imaging an us
Maybe the reality is
You, me but not we

Conspicuous Theory

To say the obvious is an insult to the senses. We are given the faculties of sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste for a reason! That is to USE them.
Like many things unused (examples: appendix, body hairs, wisdom teeth), it is either shrunk, or totally erased in the next iteration of homo sapiens species.

Sometimes I wonder if people use a fare share of the brain power that's been alloted by nature in which they can tap into. Aha! There are times they don't because they let some blood pumping organ do the thinking that's supposed to be done by the neuron-rich member.

Common sense is after all not that common they should be renamed as uncommon sense for those people.

I'm just disappointed because I for one is guilty of not using the common sense that I've been blabbering about. Sometimes I just like to ask and ask unintelligently. It's a part of my charms. But not all the time. Not always. Not in a life-and-death situation. Not in a defining moment of your life or your career. Not in time of making friendships and building teamwork. There are limits. Boundaries. Line.

To end, choose wisely. Don't get carried away by that sudden rise of emotion that shows physically either as a rosy cheek or a tear. You have other faculties you need to take into account rather than that raw feeling that most if not all the time you will regret. Don't be stupid, or more aptly don't be stupid MOST of the time.

Wish That I Can Honestly Say "I Love You Too

Because it will make the world a better place for you and probably for me too.
Because if that happens all the searching will finally end.
Because when that time comes forever will not be enough.

If I am just being stubborn right now, I wish it would go away.
If I am just blind right now, I wish I will see the light.
If I am just lost, I wish I find the way.
Because if in the future I am destined to be with you and you are gone forever and will never be mine, the universe should be ready for my wrath.

I honestly pray that you will find the one. Right now its not me. If in the future it "may" be me and you are with someone else, read above.

If you are hurt by me, I am more hurt because what kind of person would like to inflict hurt to others? Unless they are enemies, but we are NOT enemies, though right now we are neither friends.

It pains me to know I'm the cause of your pain.
That shouldn't be.
If that's the case then we should probably stop trying to be friends again.
Treat me as your foe.
Hate me. 

No! I take that "hate me" phrase back.
You should not hate me because you will still care.
Just altogether ignore and don't care my existence, my presence, me being here.
Let me be extinct in your world.

I am an optimist.
Time heals all wounds and recovers the wounded.
Everything has its time and I deeply pray to my God that one day you will truly forgive me.
And that one day I will forgive myself.

March Madness

I'm still sane, don't worry. All faculties checked.

What I'm referring to is the calamity that has happened recently in Japan. That 9.0 magnitude earthquake followed by the tsunami that leveled many towns and that nuclear reactor melting down is sort of maddening. Is the world ending. I don't like to think so.

I wanted to live. Live like until I'm 80 or so. Live to see what the world becomes in 2060's. Are there still computers like we have today or will they be in a new "form"? What would be the killer "app" by then? Will there be a first step on Mars? Things like this makes me want to live longer.

 Right now, it seems that the world has many incidents of earthquakes, tsunamis, glacial melting, volcanoes erupting - but according to one online article I read, thats not true. The earth just had "average" occurrences of those events, the problem is that many people are living on these zones that's why the increase in damage. Also that we are now so connected that what happens to an individual who has a twitter account will quickly update their twitter accounts and let know the world.

We should take care of our environment, it's ailing and  it needs our help. We should be responsible for each other and that we may pass this Earth to our future generation in a "livable" state. 

Manila, Manila, I keep Coming Back To Manila

The song is in my head! And yes I’m coming back to Manila albeit only for a very short vacation starting this Friday until Sunday! Wohooo!

I planned this trip with my sister last year but had to cancel because the holiday was cancelled by our ever dearest new president Abnoy (oopss, Noynoy I mean).

Aside from my sister I am also with my SpEd classmates but they will be going there earlier than me, we will just meet there when I’m there.

It’s been almost a year since I was in Manila. The last time was last June when I went to Bora and had an extra day to stay. I miss living in Manila, I’m not like everybody else that loathes it. I actually love the place, but not as much as I love my own Cebu City.

Itinerary includes: Ocean Park and EK. Although I’ve been there I’m still thrilled to go there again. I’m sure I’m going to ride the MRT (I miss the MRT) and go to the malls.

Even though it is just a short stay, it’s enough to quench my Manila thirst.

Stuck in a Moment

It’s been a month since I am on this state, “limbo”-like, though I’ve never been to limbo, but I guess limbo is like this. You await for something, knowing that you are waiting for something yet you must do something before that something you await comes… – confusing? My point exactly!

I thought that finally I can stay put on someplace – this place – yet I’m already thinking otherwise.

It’s just some feeling though, I’m not finalizing it yet, and if there’s anything I’ve learned from the past is to NOT be compulsive about my actions and decisions. I promise to myself that I will study and learn as much as I can and weigh the pros and cons of the situation before I make any decisions.

For now I guess I’m just tired of the “beach” outing last weekend that I’m just so low in energy.

The 3am Blog

Ok so I'm awake this very early, and it is not December for the Misa de Gallo, it is for the beach! Yes the beach, I always wanted to go but because of the weather, the crazy weather, I didn't, but now? Yes!

To what beach? Bantayan island. The last time I was there was like ages ago back in 2005. As I remembered it, it was a beautiful white sandy beach.

I don't know how to swim, but I like to just be on the shoreline watching the waves, the beauty of nature including those that walks. I like to be on the beach because it pauses time away from the razzle dazzle of city life.

I've been standing here and being bitten by mosquitos bit by bit waiting for my ride, where are you newfound acquintance?

So excited already, my camera's gonna love the love!

Road Block

I am currently in a roadblock. I don’t know where to turn or if I should move in the first place. I’m imagining myself to just be out of my body and see the other side (no! not die but just see the other side). Am I waiting for a good outcome or is waiting a bad idea? My instincts tell me to just do what I can do to get out from this situation and face the consequences of my actions good or bad, and just charge it to experience.

On the other hand, waiting does pose the same amount of risk and consequences as moving.

I’m on the move, so wish me good luck!

Windows Phone 7 “Atatness”

I know this feeling
The rush and excite it brings
For I know that I wanted
And I wanted it dear

Download increased my thrill
For it is slow as a snail
How can I progress
When the progress bar does not increase?

I already downloaded
Lots of references and
Tutorials, videos, blogs
Name it and its already embedded

Can’t wait for this night
Should post a thing from the emulator
That will make known to the world
Windows Phone is not yet over.

Email Phobia

Recently I noticed that I hate opening my emails, like Yahoo and even my own corporate email account which is one of the first applications I open when I turn-on my office workstation. It’s like I’m afraid that it brings only bad news. I hate bad news, who doesn’t right?

The Truth.

The reason that I hate opening Yahoo emails is that it is the email account where I can be reached by my previous part time job. You see I left it hanging, my status with them, and I have some serious issues to make-up that I don’t have the courage to face them yet. I know it’s kind of cowardly and running away from the problem instead of facing it. The problem is that it’s dragging on and I want to let go, but I’m stuck.

Karma.

Like a chain, now I feel a little mortified when I’m about to open my corporate account. For it feels that at any moment I will be reprimanded and it will completely ruin my day. Specially on Tuesdays when we had this weekly meetings about status and progress.

I know the time to face my problem is getting nearer and nearer and I have no other option but to face them head on.

Is there a safety helmet designed for such “incidents”? I need a hard one, I’m afraid for my life.

Slingshot Effect

This concept has been used for ages by those people that design spaceships. Instead of burning fuel to reach a destination let’s say another planet, they use a neat trick by making the probe (or whatever space ship) build momentum by circling another celestial body (like the moon) then because of whatever force will “slingshot” the ship to its destination, less fuel more efficient.

But this blog is not about physics or astronomy. This is about, just a piece of my thinking.

In the early days, like 7 years ago, I was like burning to get into a destination. With so much to prove and idealism to fuel those dreams, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I’ll get there, albeit worn out and jaded.

But, I did get there. Jaded. A little bit. Ok, more than a little bit.

And as a promise to myself, or to learn from the experience, I said “I would never do that again…”.

So passed the years that I’m just an Earth-bound satellite, never really excelling, just not high enough to escape Earth’s gravity.

And yet, I get tired of being mediocre all the time. I miss the challenge. I miss the fire.

I did not know when it started, but I’m actually accelerating. Will I let myself to get burnt out this time or will I use the slingshot effect? The latter is promising but I need a lot of math instead of just raw desires, and math in this case is strategy.

And today, I’m expecting a lot of bad news. Maybe I will get scolded, or embarrassed or ridiculed. I don’t know. I don’t really know. But this is the feeling that made me realize I’m stepping out of my comfort zone again. To take on new challenges. To take on new responsibilities. To breath a new meaning to this life.

For this renewed ties to myself I say, “Bon Voyage!”

The Dreams

1st Episode: The Taxi Ride

I was travelling by plane, when it landed I hop into a taxi. The taxi driver said that some routes are closed and we need to go the other way. He told me that I can borrow his bicycle so that I can go to my destination faster. I complied and carried some sort of package and cycle my way to my friend's house. 

When I arrived at her place, she asked "Where is your bag? Did you get the plate number of the taxi?",that's when I realized that I did not take note of the number. I felt desperate and stupid because I left my things there. My friend texted my number as to our location and hoping that the taxi driver will deliver my things.

After some moment, the taxi arrived and the good samaritan driver returned my things. I felt relieved and woke up.

2nd Episode: Rain and Singing Cat

My friend invited me to her wedding anniversary. I was in a yellow shorts and white t-shirt and carried an extra yellow shirt. When I arrived at the place and tried to wear the yellow shirt I felt off and decided I should wear something more formal and decided to go back home and change. 

On my way, heavy rains fell and I was soaked. I find shelter in a store with a transparent wall (I think it was glass/window shield). Another friend of mind mine with her boyfriend riding a jeepney, passes me by and upon seeing me laughed hard. 

The rain stopped and I decided to just walk home since it is near. The "trisikad" driver tells told me to go to the other side of the road since they are not allowed to take passengers on where I was standing.

When I was about to sit on the "trisikad" I saw three (3) common pets yet are strange. 

The first I recognized was a very fat cat sleeping. The next thing I notice is the puppy which is playing on the seats, the puppy looks like a stuffed toy and not real. The strangest of them all is the singing cat that has a body of a bee. "Hey Ya" is the song it is repeating as I remembered. Another strange thing about the cat is that its body can be folded like an envelop. 

A man said that these pets are trained. Also they are being "lent" from somewhere and they teach them new tricks as to improve and add more to their skills.

I look up the sky, it was dark and full of brightly shining stars.

Heartful

Yes, it's obvious that I am not fond of the V day.
It's one of those days that I really hate, actually not hate -it's such a strong word, maybe just dislike.

Think of it, suddenly the world is Full of Love! Eeky. Wherever you turn you see hearts. Bread shaped like hearts, table mats cutouts of hearts, lovesongs over the air, I predict heart contact lenses this year.

Business is booming especially those that sells flowers- the other season where flowers are in demand comes 9 months after, All Saints/Souls Day. Hotels, motels, pension houses, cottages, parks, vacant lots are teeming with couples expressing their "love" for each other by exchanging bodily fluids. 

Everybody is such in a loving mode but not so much love that it's zero crime, only a Pacquiao match can do that, that you feel the world is on a better place even for just a day.

The only thing I like about V day is the romantic themed movies, studios local or international, are releasing. It's a guilt free pleasure to just watch those films and just forget your problems, be it a problem of the heart but seriously the head gets all the problems.

Anyways, Feb 14 has become embedded in our culture that it really is useless to rant against it -better why not enjoy it. And this year it would be spent with my 2 little angels.

Weddings

In my age, most of my colleagues and friends are either hitched or have trophies (slang for babies). I have none (fortunately or unfortunately, it's too early to tell).

#this is a shoutout

The Day Mini Died

I'm still on the denial stage.

I'm still hoping that she can be revived.
I shouldn't have used her like that.
I'm an abusive person.
Making her work overnight, even when I know she is not alright.

I know something's wrong when she makes those 'clicking' sounds.
I know something's going to be wrong because I feel her heating up when I wake up each morning after just letting her stay up all night.

So much memories are in her.
I've put in so many parts of my thoughts to her.
Now maybe gone. Forever.With her.

I think this is goodbye my mini.
I can't replace you for now. You will be missed.

My First Ever 'Walk'

Woke up early at around 3:00am.
I had a fever going on because of some infection I got from eating too much spicy foods the night before. I tested my feet if I can manage to standup without fainting, it would be too dramatic if I faint suddenly in front of thousands of people.

Cooked an egg. Hard boiled.
I promised that I would join the Walk for Mary, the first time ever! Not that Im a devotee, but my primary purpose is to take photos of the crowd. Just image the scene, the sky is still dark, thousands of people walking with candles. What a great scene to practice taking shots in low light!

I heard the prayers over the air.
After eating the egg, I put on slippers and just hurried my way to the road, with just my camera, wallet and umbrella - in a bag of course. I thought that I was  already late for the procession, but I was wrong, I was there in Fuente Osmenia circle around 30 minutes before the image of the Birhen sa Guadalupe arrived.

Waiting.
I positioned myself at the skywalk to have a better view of the masses. When the image of blessed mother finally arrived, it was an awesome view to behold! It was really surreal to see all those people, praying and singing the tune of "Batobalani sa Gugma" with raised hands and swaying them over the air.

Ache.
Arriving at the Basilica, I decided that I should be inside and hear mass. It was when I stood there for more than an hour that I felt my waist is going to dislodge and Im so thirsty and hungry! Not to mention that sobbing pain I feel on my feet.

Tired.
Checked another one for the Sinulog activities I like to attend. Tomorrow is the fluvial parade I wanted to attend also, because it has been a long time since. But I feel that my body is not up to another pushing and shoving and walking long distances for tomorrow, but I'm still contemplating, will listen to my body for signs.

2011 is the year I got my Sinulog groove back!

Sinulog Fever

After not feeling "Christmasy" at all during the Christmas season, it's Sinulog time!

And yes, I definitely am more excited for Sinulog rather than Christmas this time. Why? I also asked that myself.

Maybe because Sinulog is upbeat compared to the melacholic melodies of Pasko.
Maybe because you don't have to give presents.
Maybe because it draws people to the streets, the dancing, the processions, compared to the much more family-oriented Christmas.

As for this year's Sinulog, I have ticked off a few (from my Sinulog bucket list) of the things that I wanted to do (or redo) in Sinulog. My ultimate goal maybe for next year is to join that photocontest, but I need to get the right gear first.

Devoutee or not, I am having a renewed interest in Sinulog, it is my new favorite season of the year!

It Started With Rain

2011 started very WET. It rains almost every hour for the last 4 days.
It's gloomy, cold and makes me want to stay in my bed like forever.

If not for the "nature" calls.
If not for work.
If not for the headache I get by sleeping too much - I would have just lay there like sleeping beauty, or sleeping beast to be politically correct.

Family drama spiked a few metric system high. I didn't win as I would like it to be, but I guess I learn a lesson that will stick to me for quite some time and that is to just be respectful and stay away from family business that's not my business.

Work is fine I suppose. With an impending new requests from the client coming, I'm a bit nervous - overwhelmed actually, it's like I'm looking at a forest and needs to know the varieties of the trees in it.

I'm with great positivity that my partner who is the master of all these "trees" will come back from her supposed to be vacation and  at the very least still guide me on these coming requirements. She would surely help me pass the obstacles ahead. But in any case, I myself feels that I can do this, it may not be a smooth ride but I'm trying to get out of it - whole.

One thing that I did not get myself whole last 2009 is my contract with a dear professor friend. It saddens me really to be unproductive and a burden to her. I promised her certain things that I didn't deliver. It was my bad, I'll offer no explanation, no redemption.

2011 is just starting, it may have started wet but knowing the Philippines, it will get really really hot soon.

2010 Reckoning

It was another "full" year for me. So much had happen. As expected some of the things I planned worked, other failed miserably and a few surprises did happen. I made friends, a lot of acquaintances, maybe a few enemies, zilch lovelife, multiple jobs, travels, botched plans, a few gadgets, and I can say overall a good year!

I will not enumerate one by one what happened in the 12 months of 2010, that would be too exhausting and boring. A few events do stand out out of the rest, and let me start last summer.

Honestly, I was not prepared for what is to come on May of 2010. I wasn't exactly happy in my job but it was, as I say to myself better than nothing - and for that period of time I was also experiencing a detached feeling on what I do best (or so I think I do best which involves tinkering computer codes). I wasn't exactly happy but settled and I was not looking for anything to spike my interest either.

Looking at it now, in retrospect, I guess it was time for me to rev up my skills. I was axed - almost a year after I was hired. I was shocked at first, may have undergone the 5 stages of grief.

Denial. "It is good and besides I don't need this company".
Anger. "The company's profit is on the high! Why us?! Management should be at fault!"
Bargaining. "I know I will be out of work, can I at least have this monitor?"
Depression. "Im useless, my skills are all worn out. I will not get any good jobs now. Sleep. Laze around. 3 months of being unproductive."
Acceptance. "I will pass my resume around and apply for that programmer job. Review."

Yes, I have undergone all those emotions, it was a roller-coaster ride so to speak. But August 2010 tote a light in the darkened tunnel brought about by the business decision of my previous employer that made me and 80+ co employees jobless.

The summer of 2010 also brought me to new places. Let's start with the undeniable "it" place for summer beach getaway - BORACAY!

My Ideyatech friends bought our tickets month prior due to a SALE promo from PAL. Boracay has always been in my bucket list of places to visit - but is not a priority since I imagine it as super expensive because of all the hype and the press it gets and how luxurious it is.

And yes, luxurious it is! The perfect natural white sand shore that stretches island-long. The beauty and the scene of it is just completely paradise here on earth. I enjoyed my stay in Bora. Not to mention that I spent not a great deal, thanks to my frugal friends who doesn't surrender in finding the best deals for a cheap spend.

At the tail end of the summer, I went out with multiple groups. I only know one or two persons from each of these groups because I was just so eager to go to the places they are going to visit that I risk being "OP (out of place)". But I managed, and instead become "FC (feeling close)" to them.

Camotes with the Tamiya peeps. Camotes is another popular destination that is so near home that I always put it at the back of my head. I was just so happy to be invited by my former highschool classmate. The beaches there, I can say hold a lot of potential, is maybe at par with Boracay's if it is to be developed and maintained properly. There are many attractions and sites that can be explored - caves, the different resorts, souvenirs, lakes - to name some.

Bohol with MTM peeps. I was invited by another former classmate from highschool. She was also invited by her friend, whose boyfriend works at MTM (technically I am a 3rd degree invitee). But my the powers of FC with me, it was a nice and memorable experience. I've been to Bohol many times, but my goal for this particular visit is not to tour but to experience the extreme! Zipline and Plunge at Danao Bohol adventure park.

The experience of being dropped 200 meters down a cliff is just so mind blowing and scary that I just have to do it - one tick off from my bucket list. One minute ride on the zipline feels like an eternity when you look down and feel like you are going to fall with just a small movement made. It is a hair raising experience so to speak.

Snorkeling and island hopping with Wipro. The only thing that I love being with this group is that they are so into accounting and always looking for the best deals without compromising the experience.

The rainy days came, but the heat didn't really disappear. It's always sunny and the rainy days that did came was forgettable. Nothing Ondoy worthy to remember about and Im not complaining.

With the rain came rejuvenation.
Renewed hope.
Great potential to be someone I used to know.

The Gadgets.
Buying gadgets that I like is not an easy task. For me with a limited financial resources I have to think twice, thrice, a multitude of times before deciding that I will buy such gadgets.

Because I was hooked to running this year, I bought an ipod touch 4th gen with the Nike+ sensor. It records the distance ran and also saves the history of my runs and I can upload my records to their website. It's a nice feeling to view the history ran overtime. Also this gadget is good for reading ebooks and listening to audiobook and music. It has many purpose except for a cellphone - we have an iphone for that (but I dont have it, its way to expensive for me).

My canon ixus has been with me for 3 years and it served me well. I need to upgrade from a point and shoot camera to something with more manual controls. I was initially looking at the micro four thirds system dSLR but was taken away by Sony's NEX5 system. It may not have all the dSLR functionality but it does have what I need. It takes better pictures too compared to my point and shoot, and has interchangeable lens.

Family.
It was me who left for a year to Manila in 2008, now my sister left for Australia. We may have lost a sister but we also welcomed a new member of our family, my niece Chacha born October 3. We are a growing family if I may say so. My youngest sister is having her husband and 2 children stay at our house. I may not agree with that setup but I am not in the position to say anything since I am not the owner of this house, my parents are.

Family drama is kept to a minimum this year because everyone is busy with their day to day affairs and leaves little time for each member of the family to really get together and speak their minds or air their issues towards the other members. It is good if not bland.

To end this rather long blog, is a prayer.

Lord, thank you for being with me and my family and friends this year as you always do each and every year. I just want to thank you for all the blessings especially the learning that you showered to us. It is with great humility to ask, but what I do ask is that you will continue to bless us and protect us, Lord.

P.S I completed the 9 Misa de Gallo this year! Cheers!

The Day After Christmas

In 2010, the day after Christmas is a Sunday, 25th being a Saturday. It's also a four-day weekend which starts on the 24th and ends on the 27th. The holiday on the 27th is originally a holiday on the 30th which was moved to promote local tourism within the country.

Anyways, Christmas techically has passed and we are now waiting for the New Year! For this Christmas I gave some of my stuffs as gifts- I was short of cash. 

First off for my youngest sis is my Canon digicam I have for 3 years. Its LCD screen may already have sunspots, but it still takes good pictures. Besides I also bought a new cam, a sony nex 5. 

Next was my ipod shuffle 3rd gen. I already bought an ipod touch which makes it a redundancy and a dust collector. Better given than to sit there and rot or rust. This one is given to my cousin Kynji.

Since Clyde is such a reader, I gave him a boxed set of Pullman's trilogy, His Dark Materials. This collection includes The Golden Compass. I bought this set 3 years ago through Amazon site.

For the rest of my "inaanaks" I just gave them 5 super crispy 20 peso bills.

As for me, I was given a polo shirt from mama.

This Christmas is definitely better than last years'.

A New Season Begins

Yes.
New Year brings with it a rejuvenation kind of feeling that makes me feel and think that I can do anything!
Basing from previous years of life reflection it's better to feel this kind of feeling once in a while than feel hopeless and weary all year long. Even if, basing from the past, this feeling is like an itch - once scratched and in due time will fade - it's better than feel nothing.

So it is with great joy and jubilation that I will continue to write the next chapter of my life. It is not that I was not active in posting pictures, thoughts and even nonsense to this blog - but what Im aiming is to make my writing not just ranting or stress reliever but also something that I can read in the future and will make me understand myself better.

Welcome 2011,Goodbye 2010!

2010 Round-up

2010 is fast approaching to a close and it's time to have a summary of what went well, wrong, awesome, cool, disappointing...etc

But you have to wait because that's about 26 days from now.

I'm getting it ready and I'm contemplating on buying a new domain for my blog, or move my blog somewhere else.

The Villain in Me

I cant contain much longer my anger with my B-i-L. Recently I've heard from the careless whispers of our commune that he is a cheater.

Last night, even in my dreams I wander how to physically, or psychologically torture that bastard. If only in real life I can pull that stunt off.

Maybe I will just burst with the slightest provocation, time will tell.

Christmas Party 2010

Company Christmas Party

Tomorrow, Dec 4 or techically later at 6pm, will be my first ever Christmas party with my new company - let's call company N. I've been with company N for almost four months now, and I can say that I have made acquintances with the other employees.

It's just dissappointing to witness these really skilled people leaving the company. But I guess that's the nature of this job because I may still be jobless had no one ever resigned. 

Anyways back to the event. All I know is that this year's event is bigger than the previous years. There are items to be raffled out and Im secretly praying to win some, since I am quite lucky with raffle draws. 

Im wearing the maroon long sleeves I bought back in Christmas party 2008 - also worn in Christmas party 2008 - when I was still in Manila. I will not wear the tux with it since nobody's wearing a tux anyway (I guess).

Im also part of the group presentation. Woe will be rendering the hand sign interpretation of the hugely popular Christian song "I am yours".

And who would forget the food? There has been many testimonies that the food in Marco Polo is good! - but I will rest my case in the momwnt I have tasted them.

Nex-5 will be usable for tomorrow's event!

That's all and I will sleep.

The Holiday

Yes, an unexpected holiday is coming this Tuesday.

"Al Adha" is one of the greatest feast of the Islam community and since the president signed it already it means - NO WORK for the most of us!

December is quickly coming and our company is "forcing" us to render vacation leaves starting December 22  (and for those who doesn't yet have VL, credits are given which will be paid when you have VL credits available).

Also on December 11 onwards, up until January of 2011 will be a BIG test on my capability to handle this project on my own since my partner and expert on this project will be having her vacation in Europe. Good luck to me (and I need it!).

Company Christmas party will be on Dec. 4, a non-working Saturday, and I will be part of IDLE HANDZ group that will present on a Showtime-like program along with my POSI teammates.

Dec 10 overnight until Dec 11 noon, will be the Christmas party of the POSI team.
Dec 11 will be the Christmas party with my SPEDmates.

Wow I think I need to jog twice as much with all those food coming!

November Mid-month

It's not yet technically the mid-month day, but its 2 days near it.

Anyways, our house smells paint.
The color my mother decided to paint the front of our house is a bright pink and blue, essentially making our house look like a preschool.

Im supposed to do some extra programming for my part time job, which I lately ignored (and I know I will be sorry for this in the future), but I cant work, didn't, because of the paint smell and it was unusually HOT today. November is supposed to be windy or a stormy month, but today it is cloudless blue super hot day.

On the upside though, I ran (more aptly slow jog) because my left knee injury is still making me uncomfortable. Also I feel pain on my lower right chest, or  sometimes on my left abdomen when I push myself to not slow down after 3 rounds of the oval (one round is approx. 400m). I walk when I feel pain and continue a jogging pace after the pain subsides.

It seems that the next few remaining days of November will quickly unravel as most people anticipate Christmas.

Random

Performed code coverage using DevPartner on our project. It's a nifty tool to know what parts of your code is frequently being accessed. We are doing this for documentation purposes on our project.

Another officemate's last day, and she only stayed for 5 months.

Invited by Leigh for a free dinner at Mooon cafe IT Park. It's a little treat and I ordered pork sisig! Yummy!

I went to SM to supposedly buy the case for my iPod touch, but when I got to the store, there's no more stocks. So I went on and bought the multiple audio out extension, so that many earphones can plugin on my iPod at once. Also bought some jogging shorts and dri-fit shirt.

As I was going home, when I stepped down from the jeep near the capitol area, it rained!
Good that there was a taxi and I was able to come home wet-free.

What a long day.

2011 It's Going to Happen!

I've had a blog entry before (I'm too lazy to look it up) where I posted the places I wanted to visit and I think I've been to most of those places.

Now a new year is coming, and it's coming fast, I want to list things that I wanted to have, and places I wanted to visit, and other things I can think of, for the next year (or if promos permits, sooner).

Places:
Tuguegarao-Banaue (Sagada)
Batanes
HK/Macau
SG

Things:
dSLR
PC/23-inch LED monitor
Smartphone

Skills:
programming (become better in any languages I know)
enterpreneurial (business!!!, I've had an idea but I dont know if its viable)
natural language (Japanese?)

And it seemed I have a wishlist ready for 2011. Yay!

Baranggay Election 2010

No work today, baranggay elections. 
I did not cast my vote, it seemed useless.
I dont have any particular candidate I like and it seemed, at least to me, that this ruckus is just a waste of our taxes.

More politicians, less to no service.

Fatalistic? Yes.
Hopeless? Quite.
Solutions? Can't think of any.

Untitled

I have a major major problem right now. It's not really my problem because Im not directly involved, but since its somewhat connected to me, Im bothered.

That son of a b*tch brother-in-law of mine! The nerve! He had done absolutely minimal supervision in the raising of his son, and now that they have a newly born daughter doesn't even, in my opinion, give effort in helping take care of her, raises my blood pressure.

I must say time is ticking fast when I will be confronting him, so please help me God.

The Birthday Blog 10202010

Before I start this year, you maybe interested to read last year's birthday blog here: http://dwightto.blogspot.com/2009/10/27.html

So first things first, I've scrapped the how old (or young) I am from the title. Maybe its not about adding one to your years but adding a multitude of experiences to yourself which is important. 

The next thing I realized is that this is the 3rd year that Im celebrating it with new officemates, 2 yrs ago it was with Ideyatech, last year with Playtech and now with NCR. Which is to say that I've been in 3 companies for the past 3 years! It's not like I'm job hopping, circumstances beyond my control is mainly the reason for such jumps. But I'm not complaining universe! I'm just stating a fact.

Aside from new work, studies are not progressing yet. Ive delayed to fulfill my masters in education because of financial matters. I may continue it next year if I have the chance, the time and the money.

Family is ok, though we are not anymore complete because my sister has left for Australia to get married and live there for good. But we welcomed a new member of our family, a new baby girl from my youngest sister. Aren't babies the cutest beings of all (and also smells good).

Even though I was laid off from work this year (my first ever) it's still a good year. I paid my insurance, bills, and most important of all gone to Bora! Yes the most popular island in the Philippines-checked!

Ahh,this fact just springs to mind, most of my batcmates in highschool and in college are either in a committed (and hopefully loving) relationship or married (or those states past marriage), or have babies. Im just totally happy for them for their courage to take on new roles and responsibility, kudos to them!

Celebration? I didn't treat my officemates because I am still shy and doesnt have that rapport to all of them save a few. At home, I asked my aunt to cook buttered chicken and sweet and sour pork for dinner. I also bought ice cream.

I also attended Epson's web team farewell party at Zao and met my previous bridge engineer to say my thanks in the years that I was working in Epson. 

Well I guess that's it for now. Maybe next year the universe will cook up something good for me.

Enjoying my day, ahhh it's already night.

The Day After Tomorrow

Finally was able to create my first build! For those who doesn't know what a build is and cares, it's packaging your sourcodes or updates thereof for delivery to your clients as a fix to discovered bugs (or tars as they are referred to here).

It was not perfect, I have to perform it as many as three times because there were errors that I encountered along the way. And building the source code takes an enormous amount of time because it is a really big system.

I was not able to jog because my computer teased me, and I need to reboot it twice because the POS software won't start correctly. The weather is also gloomy with hints that at any moment rain will fell in torrents.

Just when I was leaving, we had conversation with some officemates and I realized in retrospect that for every company I've been, there are pros and cons. You either have a good salary but high expenses, or too much work. In the end we came to agree that it is important to have even little incentives just to make people anticipate and not think of living leaving the company.

But it all boils down that the day after tomorrow is my natal day.

The Jogs

Recently I have been committing myself to jog at least every Saturday, and if schedule and weather permits also on Wednesdays. I also try to walk the one and a half kilometer distance from the capitol to our house instead of riding the jeepney.

The reason is because I wanted to have endurance. To have the lung power to withstand long aerobic activities such as long distance walking, jogging, running and a flight of stairs. Even if I'm relatively skinny, I easily tire and caught myself catching my breath.

That was the motivating factor why I now placed priority to this jogging activity weekly. So far so good, I haven't yet skipped a single Saturday since I started. Having a gadget to track your workout distance, pace and time adds motivation to not skip the activity.

It's only been half a month since I started and I can already feel the difference. I feel lighter, in posture, and most importantly feels happy because of all those endorphines the body supposedly releases everytime you exercise.

I hope that I can keep up with this activity for a long time since I really like to be in the healthier side of things.

This Sunday

Don't expect rewards on doing things you are intended to do.

The priest continued his sermon telling the parents not to treat their children as a piece of investment. Raising your children, sending them to school, feeding them are things that are expected to be done by parents and should not be treated as sort of debt to be repaid by their children in the future.

This also goes to the children, that doing household chores - that they should not charge for those things as it should be their share of responsibility.

That's what the priest said in his sermon.

In my mind comes another realization. Everything we do, it should come as an internal decision. We help not because it is expected for us, but because deep inside we want to help. We do things that are interesting to us. There is no greater motivation than doing things you like to begin with - save the illegal things.

God bless peeps.

Quick

Because I had a beer on a Thursday, and went late.
Friday comes and I woke up at 8.
It's automatic, the reflexes, to wake.
Dress up, brush, no bathe.

Another Sunday

From Evernote:
Another Sunday
I'm early today at church, in my mind the mass starts at 9 but it starts at 9:30. This is not my first time to attend to this schedule but I seemed to forgot the exact time, maybe because in the past I'm always running late.

On my things to do, I've got 2 weeks worth of website update that are just hanging and add to it the recent suspension of our account because I forgot to pay the monthly subscription fee.

However, on my work at NCR, I'm still officially on training but I'm now looking at the systems behavior. It really is a complicated systsm with, Im guessing, a thousand classes and how many thousand thousand lines of codes.

But it looks so unintimidating and simple on the user's perspective, they just scan their items, follow the voice prompts, bag their items, select their type of payment and voila, humanless cashier!

I'm still on my way of understanding how the different components fit together. Maybe sometime next week I'll be tinkering with the codes.

Well that leaves another week full of something worthwhile to do and I guess that's fine.

Saturday Jog 09.25.2010

From Evernote:

I tried to use the nike plus sensor by putting it on the "tongue" of the shoe and supported by the shoelaces. I think that it actually work since when I checked the distance after I made a single round of the oval it registered a .4 kilometer.

However when I started to run, it dropped on the track. I fit it inside my shoe, feeling a little bit uncomfortable and tried to run. I doubt the result of the sensor since aftet a whole circuit when I checked it, it only registered a 0.2 kilometers.

I will have to try another antic on how to put that sensor securely on my shoe since buying a new nike free plus is not possible as of the moment.

After jogging, myk, chery and jade and I went to robinsons and ate mang inasal. It's one of mybest times for a long time.

The Dreaded Tuesday Meetings

It's Tuesday once again.

I have a new reason why I hate Tuesdays as of late.
I've been included in this weekly meeting update about my project, it's not a bad thing though. However, I'm still not meshed into the project that all I know is just superficial things about it. I say it's not my fault, I'm not guided as to what nook or cranny to inspect. I'm just left there to rot on pdf files and more pdf files to read.

I'm dreading the idea of one day being thrown into the fire and will just stare them back with a blank teary eyed gaze.

I keep saying it's not my fault, "it's not my fault". I've asked them the roadmap and all I get is a delay because they're busy with work, and I know that there's a point in the future that I will be the delay they'll be concerned about.

I hope I'm not prophetic though, I don't want to be the cause of failure or be the failure for that matter. I want to be useful not an added weight into their already heavy workload. That's the reason I was hired, to lighten their loads.

It's still early to tell my fate, I still have a full six months, already five months, probationary period and there's a planned big activity next month that maybe will test my usefulness. Until then.

Sunday Gospel Reflection

"You can't serve two masters at once..."

Is this the Lord's way telling me to stop already what I'm doing?
I'm hating myself for being in this situation. Honestly I'm tired myself. But I feel guilty everytime I think about quitting. Technically I still have obligations that I need to fulfill.

My reputation rests at hand.

I'll lose a good friend, but that's not only it I'll lose myself too.

So, it still hangs and my decision is to pull myself together and try to make this work. If it still fails, then I have to accept that sometimes luck is not at my side all the time.

Hungry For More: A Position Paper(?)

note: Don't read if you haven't finished or is about to read The Hunger Games trilogy, a lot of spoilers follow.

Panem "was", "is" and maybe "will be" upon us.

"Was" because it happened in the past. I relate the hunger games to the Gladiator games where killing was seen as a form of entertainment. The value of a slave's life, a human, was next to nothing, either being killed by other humans or mauled by lions, tigers and other wild animals. We have the Coliseum ruins as a memorial to it.

"Is" because like Panem our current world is much like the districts and the capitol. Go to the provinces where the farmers till their soil day and night, to the fishing villages where people risks their lives every night to catch fish. Are these people enjoying their fruits? No! They live in utter poverty. They can't even prepare a decent meal for their own children. But look at the cities, the megapolis. Foods abound in wet market, grocery stores, convenience stores, restaurants - all you need is cash (the paper or the plastic kind) and you'll have a decent meal without breaking a sweat.

"Will be" because with all those nuclear weapons hidden, being made, will be made -we are inching minute by minute to midnight doomsday when all these countries that possess them either use them against one another, misuse them or release them by "accident".

The apocalypse in essence had happened, is happening and will happen, sooner than later.

Maybe we ourselves will put an end to our own existence.

Mara-walka-thon

It is my first time to join a marathon.

I had a great time, it was a nice experience.

Though now I feel pain all over my body and it is difficult to walk.

I think I hyper extend my muscles.

Hope this will improve tomorrow or I'll need to take those anti-muscle pain pills.

30 Minutes Into The Future

I just traveled 30 minutes into the future! Yes, this is not a hoax, I really did. No need of special engines, wormholes, time machines or any contraptions. I just kind of did.

Yesterday:
I was crossing the street when suddenly my cellphone fell and scattered itself in the middle of the road. I was embarrassingly picking up the pieces of my phone and quickly rode a jeepney home.
At home I reassembled my phone and being a Nokia 1208 classic model, it is still alive, this is one of the models that doesn't easily give up unless you throw it in fire.

This morning:
I woke up and check the time in my laptop it was still 6:47. I'm not late until 9 so I took my time. Ate breakfast, took a bath, dress-up, check email. When I was outside waiting for my ride, I checked the time. Oh my! it's already 8:35!

So instead of waiting for the jeepney I immediately took the first vacant taxi I saw. I don't like being late, I was restless the whole time inside the taxi. And then when I was in the capitol area...


It rang 8:00.

I set the wrong time in my phone.

And I arrived 30 minutes later at work.

Third Birthday

Happy Birthday to my pamangkin, MacLaurence "Lance" Gabucan Petiluna.

Wow 3 years seemed like a blink, I still remember carrying him in my arms when he was so little and just sleeps all day. Now he talks, runs, and doesn't want to sleep anymore.

My wish for you is to be the best person you can be and every success in the world when you grow much older and fulfill your own dreams.

Your aunts and uncle are always here for you.

Learn your ABCs and 123s already. :D

My Own Demons

No! This is not about supernatural beings. This is about the figurative kind of demons.

Ok, I just want to let this off my system and just move-on from it. Not so long time ago, I was this aspiring young (though I'm still young now, just not as young before) programmer working in a known software engineering company. It has always been a dream of mine to work in a software facility. And to be able to get accepted and work and have salary is enough to drive a young man with a dream to do his best.

But I guess I dreamed too long. I could have just awoken and saw the real world. But I didn't. Inception inspired? Not really.

Enough of dreams, the real thing is that I got carried away by emotions. Emotions that I should have kept at check at all times. Geeks err human as we are we let our emotions get the best of us. And now the tables are turned, I am on the position that I once hated.

All those hardwork, all those years of staying at company E and now a new guy is hired and they are on top of the career ladder ahead of me? Now it's me on that position at company N. I feel a little guilt not because I know someone is against me but because I, many years ago hated this person. Which is me, now.

For those like me whose questioning the capability (hate is just a strong word) of me (if there exists), just give me a chance. I will do my very best to prove myself that I am capable of doing what I sign-up for. Anyways if you find me really worthless, the team leads and or the manager can readily dispose me in a matter of less than 6 months, when I'm still under the probationary period.

Surprised?! Yes I have demons too! I'm not the best "goodest" person you know.

Friday the 13th: August 13, 2010 Edition

Another post regarding Friday the 13th: November 13, 2009 Edition  

My 3rd day at the new office.
I didn't even realize that it's Friday the 13th until one co-worker said that it is.

The early part of the morning was just idle time. I waited for my computer for almost 3 hours. After I had my lunch, I configured my computer and took some of the required courses regarding the company's policies and regulation online. Installation was done in 2 hours, online courses (a 3rd of it) was finished for another 3 hours.

6pm came and it's time to go home.

It's Friday and weekend it is! :D
I love weekends more today than yesterday.

Orientation

Two-day orientation ended.

It was a nice 2 days for me on my new job. As usual the company's history, founder, early products, etc. were all shown with this catchy music.

We (along with another new hire) were toured on the facilities and also given briefs on each department.

It's a big company employing around 500 people locally in Cebu and maybe thousands more abroad.

I was turned over to my manager, then to my team lead and then to my group mate. They seemed nice, I hope that they stay nice because I will try my best to do my best. Just give me time.

Now off to sleep for my 3rd day tomorrow.

The Wife's Husband

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain.....do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck - he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, he thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him It was in the bathroom.

Be strong.

I love you, too.

Nothing Much

Months became days and now the three months "vacation" will be over. In those three months, a drastic change to my daily routine happened.

Of course the first on the list is cost cutting. No more sumptuous dining. Breakfast hardly comes, not because I have no money to buy something but because I wake up so late that it's already lunch. Talking about lunch, it's a short 10 steps to my neighbor's carenderia and costs between 35-45 pesos if I also include a 500ml bottle of Iced Tea or one banana.

Afternoon snacks is not a problem since I sleep in the afternoons and wake up just before dinner.

Dinner is essentially free because I just eat anything that's served on the table. Either brought by my mother, or cooked by my sister (or her boyfriend).

Aside from food, next comes the gadgets. I just thank myself that I bought all these amazing gadgets while I still can afford them (the laptops, the shuffle, the 19-inch LCD monitor). It doesn't even bother me that my cellphone is "bare" minimum type. Even though I'll admit that I have some serious gadget envy on some devices, I can control myself and will wait patiently until the time I can again afford them.

Travels. No outside of the country this year, though I'm so happy that I pulled that Boracay get away last June. Aside from that, small trips between Cebu City and Cebu provinces is all that I can afford. Not that bad.

Clothes and shoes. I'm really not that into buying new clothes or shoes. But I had a quick check on my apparels and it needs new stuffs. Maybe a pair of jeans, or polo shirts.

Work starts on Wednesday and I hope I can keep it long enough for me to spend again. I miss cash.

Submitted

Finally, submitted my pre-employment documents to the company.

I had only one document to claim, my NBI clearance. I went to the main office and damn, as usual people lining up, patiently (or impatiently) waiting for their names to be called.

The NBI personnel told us to wait on the benches and not on the window where the receipts are taken because it is starting to crowd.

It took almost an hour from the when I got there to when I actually received my clearance, talk about efficiency-government style.

Is excited to go to work on Wednesday. 9:00am call time.

Nagsugod na ug ka nerbyus...

Kay hapit naman mag sugod ug trabaho sa new company.
Mag sugod napud kog trabaho karong Wednesday.

Kulbaan lang ko kay bag-o naman pud nga lugar, mga taw ug uban pa. Pero specially kay bag-o nga programming language for me. Kinahanglan pa ko magkat-on ug kinahangalan makat-on ug dali kay ulaw kaayo nga nagtuga-tuga ug apply ani nga trabaho nya dili mo successful.

Ulaw pud sa akong kaila nga nag endorse sa akong resume.

Maong karon nagbasa-basa ug libro sa C++ para lang ma refresh nya dili kaayo tantong neophyte ang dating ig abot nko didto.

Hina-ot unta nga makaya nako ni, ug naghina-ot nga akong mga kauban mga supportive ug maalalayon ug maayong mga taw.

Kaya nako ni!

Mahibaw-an raman ig hangtud January 2011 (kung maabtan pa) kung successful.

Nostradamus Effect

Hello busyness.
Next week's going to be hectic.

Ok, this is just for fun. I don't have, in any way, the ability to "see" the future. I'm just speculating on what may happen next week. Why specifically next week? Because next week is the start of something new.

Vision for Monday:
I have to go to the NBI office to get a renewal of my clearance (this is scheduled by the way). In the morning meeting with my part time job, we may discuss how I'm going to work now that my schedule has changed. The thing I'm most afraid of? If they will ask me what time will I commit to report to them. I just can't simply answer that, since I'm sure that this new job is not strictly a 9hrs (including lunch) job type and OTs are extremely frequent possibilities.

Speaking of my new job, I also need to pass my requirements and documents to the HR by this time.

Vision for Wednesday:
The start. The beginning. My 3rd job. C++. Ok maybe the first day is getting acquainted with the people, place, and the project. I have a maximum of 6 months probation period to prove to them my potential on this "C++" thing. I'm excited nonetheless, I like challenges, and if there is one thing I can say I'm good at, is accepting challenges and winning them (the more when this challenge involves my quality of life).

So Wednesday is the start.

Goodbye waking up late.
Goodbye to afternoon naps.
Goodbye 8 hrs sleep.

The Thing About Wednesdays

Mondays are lazy days.

It makes me feel lazy because there is a lot of time until the end of the week that everything seems possible. There's a lot to do and a lot of time - or another way of saying it is that there's a lot of time for revisions, and that's where the laziness kicks in.

Tuesdays are insignificant- unless it is a holiday! My brain seems to not remember what I did on Tuesdays (maybe they are the same things that I do on Mondays). Which brings me to Wednesday.

Wednesdays are my favorite days of the week.

Why? Because they're in the middle! And being the middle child, I seem to like things that are in the middle or ... (oops! I digress). Anyways, Wednesdays for me is the time to reflect what I've done so far, and what I need to do for the next couple of days. Everything comes to pace on Wednesday, a lot of movement and progress (or lack thereof which leads to panic).

Well, the title of this post is Wednesdays and I covered Mondays and Tuesdays as well so it ends here.

The Day of the Rain

It rained at least three (3) times today! But I love the rain, especially today, because it brought good luck to me.

9:00-10:30am Before the first rain:
I was in my part time job. I had this feeling that today would be another disappointing day because my manager would not be happy with the design (which I did not make, but is my responsibility nevertheless)of the website. I was also scrambling to take pictures of the facilities, the rooms, the location to put "real" images on the website. It was cloudy but clear. I got all sweaty from all those photography works, then edited them (using MS Paint, because I'm so skilled in MS Paint).

10:30-11:59 Sullied
After finishing the "editing" I uploaded them to the server. I knew from my previous work that "editing" no matter how simple takes time, and to those who doesn't know, they think that it takes no time at all (disappointing how you try to explain but they just don't or wont get it). I was satisfied with what I accomplished and was waiting for the manager to arrive for further "revisions". 12 noon came and then...

12:00 The RAIN 1st part
Heavy downpour. Since it was already noon, I had to pack up and leave. I made it a habit not to go out of the house these days without an umbrella, so the rain didn't bother me.

Dripping wet, my manager explained to me how she wanted the brochure to look like, about her additional concern regarding the website. These all happened outside, in the middle of the rain. Talk about work dedication, this is the person to beat.

1:00pm Ayala Mall
I wanted to see a movie, but there's nothing new that I haven't seen and that interests me to watch, so I decided to just eat my lunch and go home.

2:30 The RAIN part 2
Just when I was about to get off, another heavy downpour. No problem, umbrella ella is here (yes I named my umbrella).

3:00-5:30 Nap time
The good thing about being "tambay" is that you can sleep in the afternoons, just like when you were a kid. But the difference now is that you're loving it instead of crying your eyes out to your parents or yaya.
6:00 till midnight
I still have to work on the website based on the comments that my manager has told me to fix, at least those that involves content, since they're going to present to the board on Wednesday. So here, full from dinner, is working on it.

About midnight, the RAIN part 3
As my eyes begin to drop, I can hear the rain, whooshing, making noise when it drops on the roof. It is a sound to my ears as I begin to wander in dreamland. Thank you rain for making my day just wet but great.

Growing Up

My sister left for Australia.

I'm the first one to leave our house to live in some other place to work (which is Manila) but fate has taken me back here, home. It is maybe one of my most daring, risky and memorable experience of my life. In my opinion, living alone and independently has broaden my horizon, and made me a little wiser - not to mention see other places, faces and experience a different culture.

That experience has taught me a lot of things, from little mundane things of checking if the doors are locked after you go to work, cleaning the room, kitchen, CR to major things of controlling finances and expenses. I feel happy when I look back and see myself being responsible and mature enough to take care of myself. No one can take away what I learned from that experience. I am proud of me.

And now my younger sister at 24 is now heading to Brisbane Australia to try a new life. I'm totally excited for her. Hoping that she will have the courage to fight the homesickness and enjoy this opportunity to grow and be mature.

Our family is just here, waiting for your return. Godspeed Ajane.

Should I Be Honest Enough?

It's been around three (3) months now that I have all these free time to do almost anything. Yet I don't do anything except eat, sleep and just laze around.

One more thing, I have this agreement.

Before I entered into this contract with my part time job, I told them that I need time to figure out if I wanted to do it fulltime. Because of that premise I didn't resign from my previous post and continued my services as part time to them.

As I have written, I was laid off from my fulltime job. And that's where the dilemma comes in. You see I didn't tell my part time that I am now free. And to make matters more complicated I applied for other companies and got accepted. Next month I will be starting there as an employee and will be busy (as a neophytes do).

The reason being is that honestly I don't want to be in a fulltime position with them and would like that I continue my services as part time. There are many reasons why, and the primary reason being I don't have that health care benefit and those other benefits that regular employees receives.

I wish I could just tell them what I honestly feel, but things are not that easy.

The Day of July 15

That yellow (or cream colored) long sleeved shirt I wore at Dianne's wedding is my only choice to wear for the interviews. I have two job interviews today, the first one, at 10:00am is in IT Park and the other one at 3:00pm is in Cebu Business Park (Ayala).

It was a nice interview at Company N. First I was interviewed by their HR, and all I can say is that she's nice and I love her voice, it's like I'm listening to a prerecorded message. After some standard HR questions (tell me about yourself, salary, etc..) she quickly forwarded me to my technical interview with the team lead.

They're looking for C++ programmers, and I honestly didn't know how to code C++ for now. But they're lenient for long as I know OOP concepts. And bet I really do! The interview went on like a casual conversation and I felt at home answering questions about Inheritance, Polymorphism, Encapsulation. I know these stuffs, and I felt confident when I answered this particular question "In implementing a list, how do you clear the list (delete all contents)?". It's like a jackpot question for me, since I don't only know the answer I absolutely know how to answer it in a way that they will say "yes that's it!".

I was asked to return after lunch to have an interview with the manager. The way the manager interviewed me, it seems to me like an investigation, scrutinizing details that I put on my resume. For a moment I felt I was being interrogated by a crime (but it was just me). Turns out that somehow he knew an aunt of mine (he even knew that we live beside the road-but I didn't pry more on how he had such knowledge). He told me that I will know the results the following day. After I left the premises the HR called me to return again by 1:00pm the following day.

I was next off to Company L for a 3:00pm interview. When I arrived I was told to go to the 9th floor. After some HR forms I was escorted to the 19th floor where my interviewers were. Again I was relieved that my interviewers were cool enough and not intimidating.

The interview quickly turned into another fun conversation (it felt like I was talking to my long unseen friends) about my past experiences (as a programmer of course!) and about my hobbies, and interests. I had a great time relating to them about my past jobs and my decisions (they asks why I took the licensure examination for teachers). I was getting ready to answer technical questions but they said that it will be in an another interview (if there is another). The position became more interesting to me when they mentioned "our team gets to travel often..." - that's it I was sold. I was a bit disappointed though since I was ready, very ready to answer those technical questions. I was told to wait for further announcement (calls).

I guess that yellow (cream colored) long sleeve shirt I wore at Dianne's wedding is a lucky charm.

Sometimes I Get Extremely Lucky

Yes, for reasons I can't explain, maybe that is why it's called luck.

Case in point: Passing the entrance job examination with a high score

I applied for this company, let's call it company Q. When I arrived there I was shocked that there was a lot (I mean A LOT) of people lining up waiting for their turn to be interviewed by the HR. Thankfully though that was not the line I was supposed to fall-in-line since it was for those applying for call center agents.

I was applying as a network systems administrator.

Ok, really I wasn't applying for a network sysadmin, I was applying as a programmer. There was another guy that was also scheduled to take the test. We casually talk about our past jobs and I knew that I was dead meat compared to this person since he worked with Cisco servers, etc.

The HR told me that she knew I didn't applied for the network sysadmin position, but explained that she just wanted for me to try.

And so the test begun.

And was it hard. No make it very hard!

There were 20 questions, situational ones where they present a scenario and ask what went wrong, how to fix it, what's the output, what's the best topology, etc...

So I went home and cleared my mind that there's any chance I could pass that exam. I mean for real.

And the surprise of my life, I received a call and the HR told me that I have an interview later that evening. So I went to company Q's office and waited for my turn to be interviewed.

During my interview, the admin asked me if I had any previous encounter with a Cisco router or configured any kind of network related equipment - and my answer was a short "no sir". And he had this look on his face that seems baffled, he asked me how can I get such high scores and yet didn't know a thing about Cisco routers or network equipment configuration for that matter?

Of course I did some intellectual reasoning and didn't just admit that it was pure luck.

But I guess my luck ended there. I was not employed by company Q.

I hope that the other person got it, he deserves the position anyway.

The Day of July 2

Woke up early to go to TBI office because it is Friday and I have to be in the office to meet with Ryan our new UI designer for the website.

Planned to go there at 9:00am but because I was hooked up on twitter and facebook and also re-uploading the sample test program from a company I am applying as a programmer, I arrived late - but not so late at 9:30am.

Met Ryan and we talked about the sample theme he submitted 2 days ago and what needs to be revised. I guess my manager wanted a simpler color scheme and uncluttered design. After an hour or so discussion, we had an agreement and we'll see his redesign over the weekend and will be discussed by the team during Monday's status meeting.

Submitted my DTR (daily time record) for the month of June and went for lunch.

Had lunch in Mongolian and had my favorite "check a bowl" meal paired with a bottomless iced tea.

Went home, watched the downloaded "The Tudors" season 1 episodes. I downloaded this series out of curiosity because it has been touted as having many explicit scenes and - they were not kidding, breasts and butts abound on every episodes (yes I skipped to the good parts :p).

Having nothing much to do for the afternoon, I just watched TV, surf the net and eat. It was then that I realized I ate 3 times for the last 4 hrs.

I received email from an employer based on SG about an opening they have, but I am not yet qualified as they need 5-6 years of solid Java EE experience, I'm just currently having 6 years of various IT experience.

Job hunting will still continue until next week.

So It Has Came To This

That I will spend the next year here. June ends today and six(6) days from now marks my one month of being officially jobless (make it 2 months if we'll count the unofficial start).

I am still waiting for a sign that something will change and will make me rethink about my decision. But time is passing by, cash flow is literally non flowing and I'm getting bored and accustomed to the "tambay" lifestyle.

So I will try to finish the test, submit it and wait for evaluation.
Maybe wait for the week (maximum of one more week) to wait for some calls from other companies that I tried to apply to.

After that, depending on the results it's either I'm off to other lands or I will be here in this full-time job as technical staff for a technology incubator facility.

Just like getting back in school, it's time to improve and study for the next chapter ahead.

Axed

I have no work.

Correction, I have no "full-time" work as of the moment. My stint at Playtech was cut short because they will be closing this year and they are "releasing" employees by batch at a time. And yes I was included in the first batch to get the ax.

It was sad, I will not deny it.

For the most part of my "career" I always see to it that I am "safe" on my job since I don't like to be dependent on someone else for my needs. But sometimes (this time-my first time) life/destiny/the universe just conspires against me (or in some dramatic explanation conspires for me...whatever) and I can do nothing about it.

But I can do something.

For me, I paid my insurance for this year with the money I got as severance fee. And a few trips to some places (smiles a great deal).

And yes it motivates me on some degree knowing that I need to find a job soon and quick.

Looking at this event in retrospect made me feel that I've been complacent this past year when it comes to my skill in programming and this is a loud wakeup call to straighten my act.

It's sad to note that I've let myself be left behind.

Well the first way to recovery is to know that there is something wrong, and I know now. I'm on my road to recovery.

FULL SAIL AHEAD.

Moving On

The time has come for me to move on. Yes, it is a choice that I have to make for me. No more annoying delays and irrelevant debacle. Is it easy? The short answer is...no.

For sometime now I was content of mediocrity. And yet day by day mediocracy degrades to ineptness and results to emptiness. A sad life is what you get when you let these things unto you.

But for a moment I enjoyed it.
But that moment did not last long.

So here I am looking ahead. Looking far out into the future, my mind imagining things. Yet I'm still here and reality knocks on me to move, little baby steps, as long as it is constant, soon will get momentum and hope to be in a place and position where I wanted to be.

When I get into difficulties ahead, I draw my strength from my family and my God to always guide me and lead me to the right and rewarding path.

To the future success because there is no other choice.