Signals

Maybe because I choose to interpret them as such, that I feel it is the signal I'm waiting for.

One of my best-est friend who is working in SG came home for some preparations of her wedding this coming March and I've shared with her my intention to also, finally after all these years of attempts, go and find work there. She said that the economy is still shaky, but in my opinion the economy these days are all shaky with the Europe debt crisis, the American banking crisis and all the other unexpected crisis springing from natural disasters that seems much more common these days.

During breakfast, I unexpectedly met my aunt who is already working there and is convincing me to go there. Saying that I have a brighter future and that I can find a good job there. It is a random event that makes it more believable that the universe is telling me something, or is it?

And almost everyday I get a message from Linkedin from employers or agencies asking for my updated CV. I'm ignoring them for now because I don't want to decide because there is an offer, I want to base my decision because I have decided to go.

I will be renewing my passport within this week even though it still is valid for a year, but because my aunt who has some connection in DFA will get one, I readily ask her to take me with her so that I can renew my passport.

Am I decided? Honestly not yet. When I left for Manila 4 yrs ago, I was filled with the enthusiasm and courage and just heading there without much thinking and worry, I just kind of did. Now, I'm full of what ifs, what would I do, what... I'm so confused to decide.

There is at least 2 months for the passport to be renewed, that would give me time. Then there is the wedding I should attend on March so that would also give me a no go. The earliest time if I should leave is on April and the latest is June. If by June I'm still undecided then 2012 is still Philippine bound, I guess, unless there is a drastic need to really be somewhere foreign.

Why do I need to be in SG? Let me count.

First is the experience to work internationally, an OFW officially! What does it feel to be working with other nationalities in a country not your own? It is exciting to think and challenging. If my horizons widened from Cebu to Manila, how much more from Philippines to SG!

Second and the most important thing is that I need to save! The Philippines is not really a good place to build fortunes if your skills is not entrepreneurial, and sadly I belong to that category of being an employee and paid monthly. The tax system in this country is 35% from your salary, then taxed on almost all aspect from food, clothing, entertainment, etc.! I will not be complaining this much if by the time I'm jobless or needing government support, the government will care to care because I was giving them money from all those years of working, but no, the government will just leave you to rot! And these politicians! I don't want to get started on these corrupt politicians, all I can say is that they are ALL crappy and shameless!

I need to have a place to call my own, that is the biggest mover for me. As I'm entering another decade of my life, I looked back and all I have is this insurance that I'm halfway through. It is not enough! I need to buy a place to call home until the day I live this earth (hopefully a long, long time from now).

So I crossed my fingers and praying in silence that if when I decide, it is the right decision on the right direction.

My Own Demons

No! This is not about supernatural beings. This is about the figurative kind of demons.

Ok, I just want to let this off my system and just move-on from it. Not so long time ago, I was this aspiring young (though I'm still young now, just not as young before) programmer working in a known software engineering company. It has always been a dream of mine to work in a software facility. And to be able to get accepted and work and have salary is enough to drive a young man with a dream to do his best.

But I guess I dreamed too long. I could have just awoken and saw the real world. But I didn't. Inception inspired? Not really.

Enough of dreams, the real thing is that I got carried away by emotions. Emotions that I should have kept at check at all times. Geeks err human as we are we let our emotions get the best of us. And now the tables are turned, I am on the position that I once hated.

All those hardwork, all those years of staying at company E and now a new guy is hired and they are on top of the career ladder ahead of me? Now it's me on that position at company N. I feel a little guilt not because I know someone is against me but because I, many years ago hated this person. Which is me, now.

For those like me whose questioning the capability (hate is just a strong word) of me (if there exists), just give me a chance. I will do my very best to prove myself that I am capable of doing what I sign-up for. Anyways if you find me really worthless, the team leads and or the manager can readily dispose me in a matter of less than 6 months, when I'm still under the probationary period.

Surprised?! Yes I have demons too! I'm not the best "goodest" person you know.

Nothing Much

Months became days and now the three months "vacation" will be over. In those three months, a drastic change to my daily routine happened.

Of course the first on the list is cost cutting. No more sumptuous dining. Breakfast hardly comes, not because I have no money to buy something but because I wake up so late that it's already lunch. Talking about lunch, it's a short 10 steps to my neighbor's carenderia and costs between 35-45 pesos if I also include a 500ml bottle of Iced Tea or one banana.

Afternoon snacks is not a problem since I sleep in the afternoons and wake up just before dinner.

Dinner is essentially free because I just eat anything that's served on the table. Either brought by my mother, or cooked by my sister (or her boyfriend).

Aside from food, next comes the gadgets. I just thank myself that I bought all these amazing gadgets while I still can afford them (the laptops, the shuffle, the 19-inch LCD monitor). It doesn't even bother me that my cellphone is "bare" minimum type. Even though I'll admit that I have some serious gadget envy on some devices, I can control myself and will wait patiently until the time I can again afford them.

Travels. No outside of the country this year, though I'm so happy that I pulled that Boracay get away last June. Aside from that, small trips between Cebu City and Cebu provinces is all that I can afford. Not that bad.

Clothes and shoes. I'm really not that into buying new clothes or shoes. But I had a quick check on my apparels and it needs new stuffs. Maybe a pair of jeans, or polo shirts.

Work starts on Wednesday and I hope I can keep it long enough for me to spend again. I miss cash.

Nagsugod na ug ka nerbyus...

Kay hapit naman mag sugod ug trabaho sa new company.
Mag sugod napud kog trabaho karong Wednesday.

Kulbaan lang ko kay bag-o naman pud nga lugar, mga taw ug uban pa. Pero specially kay bag-o nga programming language for me. Kinahanglan pa ko magkat-on ug kinahangalan makat-on ug dali kay ulaw kaayo nga nagtuga-tuga ug apply ani nga trabaho nya dili mo successful.

Ulaw pud sa akong kaila nga nag endorse sa akong resume.

Maong karon nagbasa-basa ug libro sa C++ para lang ma refresh nya dili kaayo tantong neophyte ang dating ig abot nko didto.

Hina-ot unta nga makaya nako ni, ug naghina-ot nga akong mga kauban mga supportive ug maalalayon ug maayong mga taw.

Kaya nako ni!

Mahibaw-an raman ig hangtud January 2011 (kung maabtan pa) kung successful.

Should I Be Honest Enough?

It's been around three (3) months now that I have all these free time to do almost anything. Yet I don't do anything except eat, sleep and just laze around.

One more thing, I have this agreement.

Before I entered into this contract with my part time job, I told them that I need time to figure out if I wanted to do it fulltime. Because of that premise I didn't resign from my previous post and continued my services as part time to them.

As I have written, I was laid off from my fulltime job. And that's where the dilemma comes in. You see I didn't tell my part time that I am now free. And to make matters more complicated I applied for other companies and got accepted. Next month I will be starting there as an employee and will be busy (as a neophytes do).

The reason being is that honestly I don't want to be in a fulltime position with them and would like that I continue my services as part time. There are many reasons why, and the primary reason being I don't have that health care benefit and those other benefits that regular employees receives.

I wish I could just tell them what I honestly feel, but things are not that easy.