2011 Another Anihaff

Christmas 2011 is over!
It is the time of the year to compile the other half of what made this year awesome!
Life is like a soap opera complete with drama, suspense, thrill, comedy and what not, life imitating art of art imitating life?

July 2011.
Finally was able to met our manager from Atlanta, Tom Deaton. Being an individual contributor and being the manager I always CC'd him in emails. As customary to this event pictures and food!

X-PTPH mates dinner.
Even though I only spent there for almost a year, I made friends and as a group we like to eat and videoke!

The Controversial Team Building.
For a multinational company, I think NCR wins as the most "tipid" when it comes to promoting team bonding management. They really dont give much emphasis on team dynamics and how little rewards can strengthen a team - and this involves budget!

A Sporadic Afternoon Videoke
After some ukay2x shopping, we went to an early checkin at Songhits to kill songs :D

August 2011.
Singapore! I finally reached you. I was not just amazed I fell... Now I am faced with the dilemma of to be with or to stay...The reason I went to SG in a short notice is the wedding of my best-friend Juvy! Thanks for the accommodation and everything!

Arnel's Birthday
Thank you bai for inviting me :D

Palawan.
This year marks our 2nd annual trip with my Ideyatech ex-officemates. Palawan is so marvelous both in nature and food that the days we spent there feels short.

September 2011.
Revisited Baguio, it was my 3rd time, with my current officemates in NCR. Had so much fun, also took a sidetrip and look around at Luneta.

Disney's Mickey and Friends!
Got a chance to watch Mickey Mouse and friends at the Waterfront Lahug, all thanks to Ensogo for the discount.

October 2011.

Capitol joined the worldwide event of celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness month by flood lighting the capitol Pink.

Sue's wedding, one of my SpEdmates got married! Unfortunately I think I got food poisoning after :'(

My Birthday. Oddly I did not took a picture on my birthday, maybe there was drama. Hehehehe....

Rainforest Cebu with Cousins.
We went to a newly opened nature park in Cebu, Rainforest! There were 2 snakes (a BIG one and a small one).

November 2011.
Birthday of Ate Jade. Met new friends.

December 2011 - The Last Hurray for 2011

NCR Christmas Party - As usual the date is very early at December we are I think the earliest to held a company Christmas Party.

POSI team only outing.
Also customary is for our team to held its special our own cost outing.

CIC Family Day.

This year I got to re-attend the last Family Day of my nephew's Cassy and Clyde since they will be graduating next year.

After the CIC family day we went to SM!

Christening of baby Bogs (son of mama Maia)

Christmas time! Christmas though is silent this year.

Gathering of highschool mates. Though it rained all day and some people cancelled, we pushed through with it and it was an enjoyable night!

HOPING 2012 will be as FULL and EXCITING!

A Little Reunion

It has been 12 yrs since we graduated from highschool. Most of these folks I know for more than 16 yrs (starting from when we were freshies). Even though we ended up with different careers and lead different lives, we somehow kept the friendship and bond as batchmates.

I am always happy to be in attendance on these gatherings because it keeps us updated with each other's lives, even though there is facebook, twitter and the likes, it is still different when you talk with them in person. These people collectively is a part of my life and it may not be obvious and we may not be very close but seeing them makes me feel I belong.

Torrential rains almost made this meetup cancelled but thankfully it pushed through and even though attendance was very limited it still is memorable and we got to know each other very well.

Countdown 'til Christmas

This year I got to have my first week-long Christmas holiday vacation as our company mandates it to file for VL. Thankfully I have the credits and will be work-free at least for one week!

Christmas countdown...

December 25, 2011 (Sunday)
- at the strike of 12 fireworks started. As customary in our family we went outdoors and watched the fireworks around us. There isn't many this year, we are hoping that by New Year we will see much more.
- Aunt Eyen shared her actions on the fire at Gaisano Capitol South which sadly burnt her Ampao from her boss. Hopefully it will be repaid.
- ate fruit salad before heading back to sleep and ow, upload the pictures.

  

 

December 24, 2011 (Saturday)
- attended my 3rd Misa de Gallo
- again movie marathon day long and started to write this blog.
- one of my inaanaks (son of Cathy) claimed his gift
- a super healthy dinner: Crispy Pata
- videoke2x while waiting for midnight

December 23, 2011 (Friday)
- attended my 2nd Misa de Gallo.
- nothing much happened this day as I only watched movies all day. Alternating with sleep and eat.

December 22, 2011 (Thursday)
- The last day of work! I still have issues to investigate. Thankfully I was able to resolve it and our QA endorsed an external release to customer. I really hope that no bugs will be discovered until at least after the new year.
- After working half-day, yes I used 4 hrs of my remaining personal leave credits I went straight to the department store and bough toys for my "inaanaks". They are just cheap ones under 200 pesos a piece. As a child they would surely be happy to have something for Christmas.

Pasko sa Piniriso

Christmas! Honestly not felt it for sometime. Sadly, count this year as one of them. I can still remember the Christmases past where I would wish it to be everyday! The lights, the decorations, the food, the toys, the joy! The world back then was colorful and simple in my eyes.

I don't know when exactly I lost the feeling. I just realized one holiday that it was gone. The reason perhaps? Maybe I've grown up as most people do. Maybe I lost the feeling because the spirit of Christmas  which is to love and show love and share love I did not do, or limited myself in doing. Yes Im guilty of that being an unloving creature. I certainly am not in a state of love as most people recognize love is. I am not void of love though, Im just not full of it.

As I have known myself, I need to be around people that shares the positive vibes of Christmas. It might be a temporary fix but like a drug or alcohol do it makes my heart feels better if only for a limited time - at least I can feel Christmas.

What do I need? Who do I need? I can't answer because I'm confused as to what I really want in this life. It's not a crisis but a serious cancer that one day will eat my whole being if left untreated. Im racing with time as to my boundaries on this family, what can I do and what I shouldn't do. What is acceptable and what is not. What is being a brother and being truthful even if it hurts someone you love.

I hate dramatics at church lately. They oversimplified forgiveness. An example that Im sick of hearing is this story. A child was "molested" by someone close to him/her.  Years passed and that someone who molested a child got very sick. The molester had become naturally fragile and old. The molester asked for that child for forgiveness. The child forgave the molester. Can you see what's wrong in this story? I do! It's sickening and maybe this is what is in the minds of the "religious" that EVERYTHING can be forgiven. It doesnt really matter how small or big your sin was/were. At the end everyone is mandated to forgive because Jesus was sacrificed by God for our sins. It is a gross oversimplification that I think is the root of all these twisted logic about forgiveness.

I do not know what is the right timing to forgive but I know when is it that I have forgiven someone for something that they have done wrong against me. And it is a wonderful feeling, it really is like a thorn is plucked from your body, it hurts but time heals it and when you touch it again, it hurts no more.

So this is Christmas, how I wish I will be much happier this time of the year.

Let's Get Back to December

We have finally reached the last month of the year! Customary to this season is for companies to hold a Christmas party for their employees, and ours was just held last Sunday Dec 4. This is my 2nd Christmas party at the same company for a long time now and everything went nice and I really enjoyed the event.

I went to the venue very early at around 4pm, the organizers announced that registration starts at 5:30pm, but there are a number of people lining up when I arrived. So I decided to eat snacks first at Starbucks within the venue in Oakridge.

It took almost 30 mins from when I started to queue until I was finally registered. The venue is big and  with nicely decorated tables and the tent-like ceiling decor makes it feel like you are in a beach resort. A slight problem is with the lights, since they always project the blue tint which does not looks good on pictures.

The food was nice. Although I prefer last year's way, where they put the food per table and you don't have to line up to get food. Anyways, I ate until my stomach was full and satisfied with 4 glasses of iced tea :)

Now we go to the groups presentation. NCR employees really goes a long way preparing for this competition - unlike any companies I've been and maybe it is because the cash prizes given that ranges from 7k to 10k cash, is enough motivation.

"Too much flesh" - the phrase that can summarize the entire event is very apt. The employees at NCR are very talented and entertaining - it was a fun filled night of food, cammaraderie and entertainment.

Though our team did not place, they gave joy to the crowd nonetheless.

2012's theme will be End of the World.

Now get back to work.

The Last Stretch of November

This is the last week of November and we are quickly moving towards the end of 2011. 2011, the year I got my groove (programming kind) back. This is not yet my end-of-year blog, I still got a month for that.

Our company's Christmas party will be held at Oakridge hotel, and it is Vegas themed. It will be next Sunday, yup December 4. I need to buy at least a polo shirt for the occasion as a quick inventory of my shirts all deemed them not suitable for party wear.

I also need to cut short (or go skinhead) but maybe just a super short cut because Im not confident carrying my head without a little bit of hair.

Anyways, December is just around the corner, Im excited for this party and whether I got a chance at winning the 2 million pesos.

Ten Years Matters

Last night was a revelation. I think in my drunken state I get to act moves that the typically sober me won't ever do. Thankfully, Im not (yet) on the sexually maniac mode, just liberal with flirtations. It also helps that the group Im with is not that kind of people, and I was not brought up with weak morals that brittles at the slightest provocation.

Im not in a relationship and it has been a long time since I've been in one. When I see couples, especially those on their early twenties, Im jaded and thinks that they will not last. Im not going to hide it but Im saying goodbye to twenties next year so Im still allowed "technically" to act young and stupid.

I'm not a fan of alcohol, but through the years I learned to handle it and I guess Im a success story (so far). Whenever Im drunk, I can still access my reasoning (albeit in a limited capacity) and it never occured to me yet to have blacked out totally and do super stupid things with only my primal instincts in control.

To be quick and precise.
I got drunk -> flirted with someone who have a bf, and someone very young -> being warm about it.

Flirting as described here is super let us say PG 13 but I think it is not how severe it was but the fact that you did something which may have a different effect if other factors may have been different, and the feeling that it was ok, knowing that you would not feel ok if it happened to let us say your younger sister or niece.

In the morning when things are a bit clearer and the world is much brighter, we got to chitchat a little. How young are you? 20. God I felt old and with the pulsating pain of my head, resulting from drinking mixed alcohol, it seemed that time flew away under my feet (in perspective of going out/partying/love life). I felt too old to do these things.

Hahahah, in reality though I feel young (and I still am), just dont throw the age reality because I was born on 1982. 10 yrs, accurately 9 yrs, wow these people were born when I was in grade 3!

The lesson from this encounter is to live life to the fullest because time does not wait for anyone it just goes and will never come back again. Also to take it slow on alcohol consumption because health is wealth and it is better to be on the healthier side of things.

Cathedral Windows

This is not about the dessert. This is about the church. Cebu City Cathedral to be precise.

It's already been more than a year since I started to go to church at the Cathedral. Before, I go to church at Sto. Rosario, 3pm time celebrated by father Butch. I can't remember why I decided to shift churches, or why the Cathedral and why the 9:30am mass. It's one of those things you just don't worry and it gets into your system and starts a cycle.

So every Sunday I go to the Cathedral to hear mass. For more than a year I got to observe people that keep that schedule and sits approximately close to where I sit.

I applaud the whole family that goes to church every Sunday. It really is a wonderful sight when you see the whole family bonding or just being together at church. That's one thing I did not experienced I guess. When I was young, I can remember my grandparents bringing me to church. When I was a teenager I go to church with my siblings and cousins. When I had a relationship, I go with her. Now, I go by myself. I remember a gospel that says when at least two (2) people is gathered for HIS name, HE will listen. I guess I have to find that one person to go to church with.

Then there are those that go to church with dates. The typical "in-a-relationship" status, you have to be with your special someone on this Sunday. Putting God in your relationship is essential, if it's what inside the minds of those BF/GF going to church.

Of course there are those singles who goes to church with themselves (me included). Nothing much to say to them (us) because these people just want to listen and reflect to the words of God.

In the church I see babies, infants and those toddlers running, crying and playing inside the church. It doesn't bother me to see them busy with play, come on they don't even understand their parents yet much more the echoed sermons of the priest. It is refreshing to see children play innocently and just having the time of their life, enjoying and not caring what's around them.

I'm praying that the Lord will continue to bless me and my family and friends and His will be done.

The Health Plan

I've been planning this a long time ago, but things happen - mostly money problems that sidestep this plan. Currently, it seems that I can finally get this plan into action.

So what's this plan Im talking about? I call this my health plan. See, Im not the health buff, or a healthy looking person at least - so my goal is to become active in achieving a healthy lifestyle.

I have a list of what I should (or try to) do, and this is not in any particular order.

One is to have a general checkup. I mean from head to foot. I want to know if there is something wrong somewhere in my body. I dont want to get caught off guard.

About 3 months ago, I felt this pointy sharp sensation on my stomach, fortunately after some ultrasound (my very 1st) nothing was found. I even found out that my kidneys are doing ok, a BIG relief since I always thought Im going to die of renal failure because it is so prevalent in our family.

Another on my list is to see the dentist. I know Im not on the healthier side of oral health. It is really a hassle when talking to someone and you know they can smell your breath. I dont even like the smell. Im just afraid to go to the dentist because I know they like recommend to extract 5 teeth and do all those "necessary" procedures on my mouth. Aside from the financial burden, there is also that embarassment factor.

Dermatologist, I know what your thinking - skin care! Though I wont deny I want to have good skin - who doesnt? - my primary purpose for seeing the doctor of skin and hair is to have this "extra" skin growing on my waist checked. It was barely visible and non sensitive before but recently I noticed that it becomes itchy. Another reason is to check my scalp, as I have been losing my follicles fast lately, I just want to know if this is the genes or an infection of sorts.

Lastly, but not the least is I plan to go back to the gym. Vanity aside, I want to have a defined body that looks far from fragile. The reason Im not yet enrolled is because of the cost. I always reason to myself that I can always exercise at home or run, and I can use the cash in eating. However the home exercise plans always ends up me getting asleep and the running is dependent on uncontrollable and erratic weather.

Ahh, another one comes to mind, eating healthy! I mean fruit and vegetables at least one meal per day. But buying a fruit except for banana is a hassle and expensive and green leafy things are very hard to safekeep. Reasons, I know.

So all (or ar least some of) those things I would like to start before this year comes to a close.

Money, where have you gone?

The Blessings

Expectations, is one of the things I left behind because I don't want to be disappointed. In doing so I often set the bar low so that I can claim small victories. This is not bad per se but doing so makes me just ordinary and typical.

I often look at myself with prejudice. I really don't think of me being great at anything. If you heard me 'brag' it's either I'm joking or I'm pushed to saying those things because I need to protect myself or is in a group high praising ourselves for entertainment.

Im not rich. Im not 'that' smart. Im just typical. I work because I have to. I don't have my own company because Im not enterpreneurial. Im not in a committed relationship because even I decided Im not fit to be in one.

Im just being still and stale.

However, God still gives me surprises! And Im not complaining. Thank you God for always guiding me to the right way. Im always asking for your mercy and forgiveness, and the wisdom so that I can give more weight to what really is important. It's uplifting to know that even the unrelegious me, God still blesses me, believes in me.

From the words of Paulo Coelho, "enjoy your success, you deserve it" I'm quite enjoying the moment. Im happy and driven to do the things I like to do. What more can I ask? Still a lot, but Im taking my time and taking that one step at a time.

The Mean Mail

Sometimes I'm mean. And sometimes I like to be mean - shhh, that's a secret.

One sure thing that irks me the most is when someone is being lazy at what they are supposed to and paid to do. What I can assure though is that years of experience has made me think a thousand times before reacting and instead divert my energies to thinking of 'creative' ways to unleash my upset emotions. It's not that I don't make mistakes, I do, but this is supposedly a work environment and we should present ourselves to look united to people outside our organization. It's not you against me - it is us working together to build something worth paying. Consider this a lesson, young person!

It really is not that big deal, and I'm just looking for a bit of spice on this rather plain office environment. I kind of miss the tension. So here's the deal: an email sent telling me that I'm confusing 'you' about the progress of this requirement. Of course it is confusing! It's not like we are learning ABC's. My one cent is you should have at least tried to read it thrice before pressing that 'send' email button.

There are many emails sent, it's part of your job to cut across the clutter and ignore the things that are not essential to you. You're young but it doesn't mean you can just cry foul over lots of emails - which are 'progress' emails.

Now to cut you some slack since you had a hard time reading emails I had this blog for the 'read between the lines' I replied, just in case you got 'confused'.

Me saying: "My apologies for the lots of emails regarding the progress of this RFQ which you find hard to comprehend." 

What I really wanted to say: "Bullshit! read-reread, read! You son-of-a-b*tch!"

Me saying: "As clearly stated in the previous email regarding the status of the machines."

What I really wanted to say: "Do you know how to read? Or are you just challenged, mentally?"

So there goes.

To my officemate(s) who might read this: I'm just tired and sick and not my jolly self tonight. Don't take this too seriously. 

A Prayer

today, my god i pray
for a meaningful life
shared with others
consumed with love

but first i need to love myself
not hate what you gave to me
not want something you've given to someone else
not question your decision why not me or why me for that matter

today my lord i ask to be wiser
wiser in terms of living the life you lend
wiser in spending the time with the people i love
wiser in the directions i take my career

for all the things i ask
i say big thanks
for all these years
im living on this earth

Birthday Blog

Nothing memorable happened that is worth blogging to the day of my birthday. Family drama is at bay, personal problems are in check, and work related worries are manageable.

Truly, my 28th yr in this world is a big testament that Im still blessed even though I haven't been a "good boy".

Let's count the blessings, 1st up is that this is my 2nd birthday in the same company since 2008, it's a milestone because I've known people that I can add to my bucket of friends.

Not far from the first is that I still have a job! It's not the perfect job that I was hoping all these years but Im learning to love it a little day by day. And day by day Im reliving the life of a passionate programmer. The feeling is like falling in love the second time around, its a great relearning experience. Maybe it is not that sweet but I get to appreciate the industry more and not easily fall into desperation when things doesnt go my way.

As always, I love being outdoors, in the countrysides and most especially being at the beach -nothings beats that! So that's what I did the whole summer starting February - travel.

Singapore and Palawan are one of those places I dreamt of going, and I've gone there this year! So thankful that I've seen and enjoyed those places.

Lastly, and certainly not the least is the daily little things that makes me complete; seeing my nephew and niece growing up and having their own personalities, my complete (in numbers) family. The time spent with my old as well as new friends.

Now I may open up more space here (pointing at my heart) for that someone that may like to live there forever :) Keeping my fingers crossed, Im still young, no rush.

October is On!

(this is a delayed post)

The 10th month. A little bit of history, the month of October used to be the 8th month, that is why if you analyze the name octo - means 8. It's because of the Romans, they've added 2 more months which is June and July - in honor of Julius Caesar (pls. consult wikipedia for accuracy).

I have to say, other than my birthday and many cousin's birthday this month, October is one of my least favorite month. Why? It has no holidays in it! It is typhoon month (but as I am writing this, there is yet a typhoon forming, blame it to climate change) and most especially it is busy month at work.

Another reason is, for me, it signals the end of the year. With only 2 months more until the new year comes, what have I done this year? What have I accomplished? Did I become better at something? Reflection happens, you realize that time passes us so swiftly like a bullet train.

October, the 10th month is a time for me to reflect and take a look back where I am and where I wanted to go. The journey matters as much as the destination, it is incomplete without the other.

At this moment, I will be looking out and be alert and give more attention to whose people I am journeying with. Be it my officemates I see everyday, my aging parents, newfound acquintances, old friends, previous co-workers, etc.

I have to connect with people more. October may signal the start of the year-end but definitely it also is the beginning of our journey towards self improvement and fulfillment.

Another Drama

I'm shameless putting all my family drama on the web for anyone to read. Though I'm pretty sure its just a handful of people who read my blog. But anyways here goes another family drama served hot!

My other siblings started it (at least its not me who started it for starters). A comment on how the dad of my nephew and niece is always MIA. One time he (let's put off names) arrived earlier than usual at around 7pm only to go out again. He did not even bothered to carry his children. I really wonder how many times does he gets his hands dirty with child work (bathing, take out the poo of his young children). 

Now I heard it clearly, my mother's stand on all of this. She doesn't want us to interfere or comment because it will just bring trouble to our family. There goes the past again. Her sister before got pregnant at 15 and she doesn't gave a word about it. My mother has no job when she has 2 children and her siblings did not bother to say something to her badly. 

So the villains in this story are: in the past it was my father's family. My father's parents and siblings because as my mother would recall it, treated her (us) badly. And now it is us (her son and daughters) for criticizing our youngest sister's husband and their lackluster parenthood. Pretty nice conclusion I might say.

What is hard for old people is that they think that all those years made them wiser and right. If you present your case in the best possible manner, you are disrespectful. My most hated is when they present these past events in pure gold, it is like hearing a life story of a saint. I don't say I don't have my blind spots and inexperience and bias - I accept that who doesn't have those? But all I want is not to be treated as an evil person planning to exterminate my sister's family.

What would I gain from that? Would I be happier, would it make me rich? Will it send me to heaven?

No.

I don't even know what I wanted out of all this ruckus. I mean all I ever wanted to see is that my sister will grow! I mean growup, be more hands-on with her children, try her hardest to be the best mother and not just laze around because she is tired of all the work and all the problem of being a parent - no one on this world FORCED you! To my brother in law, you are old enough to know what you should do! You brought two lives on this planet, do your share of guiding them to be NOT like you - that's the least you can do for them.

Till Passwords Keeps Us Apart

One sure way to be in a compromising situation is when you give your password(s) (ym, facebook, emails, etc.) to your "loved" ones. Yes, that simple password can turn nights into sleepless nights. Yet, there is a very simple solution to that problem, NEVER GIVE YOUR PASSWORDS in the first place, get it?

Case 1: The Cheating Boyfriend
Boy loves girl, girl so much in love with boy. Bliss, bliss, bliss (one bliss is roughly equivalent to 1 month). After about, you guess it, 3 months of bliss comes blood, virtual blood I assumed. Girl finds out that boy is playing hockey or whatever involving balls with another girl!

This is the 21st century, instead of fist fights and shouts, we get? Shoutouts, status updates, tweets and the ever famous video and photo scandal postings! Wooh, that's a lot of megabytes!

As they say, the players changes but the game is still the same (did I get it right?). Is it an act of fidelity and love when you give your social network password? Not in my book.

Case 2. Family Theft
You trust and love your family. When the world turns its back on you, who did not turn with the world? It is your family. Except for that simple green buck (it is not green in some countries), it's money! We have heard about that money is an evil thing, but there is much more evil than money alone. Money + the need for money.

You don't want to just open your web bank account to find out that, oopss a purchase was made, or a withdrawal has shrunken your bank account balance to the level of Atlantis.

Another lesson, don't give your credit card, atm card account PINs. If you really are generous, then give them a separate one where if they spend too much it wont hurt your ass. Sorry for the @$$ word mom.


Case 3: The Friendly Loan
We have been borrowed money from a friend or a family relative. It maybe that their child is sick, or they really need financial assistance. It is ok to loan money, you are a good friend anyways. But don't ever get to their nerves when they haven't completely paid you off yet or risk your receivables converted to molecules.

Albeit all these scenarios, we should love each other as we are told by our creator. But keep away from my password!

Aloofness Is Kicking In

I feel it reeking in to me like water to a sponge. I am not anti-social or hate crowds, I like to be with people-  sharing stories, travelling and just be with people around. But sometimes mood comes in and I want to be left alone. In my mind I would wander to places where nobody can find me, or go to some place with only me.

It is weird, even I myself feels weird about it. I do not know the exact reason why or when it starts, I just feel it. Then I stop responding to conversation or just totally fake it. It is hard, make it impossible to fake genuine interactions. When you are interested, really interested time seems to pass by and you can't get enough from your talks. It is tiring to listen when Im on this state, I just nod, yes, no, maybe, not sure - questions, statements that comes my way. No eye contact, or hastily removing myself from the conversation.

I dream of being in a boat or high up in a mountain with lots of trees (I think they are called forests). Breathe the fresh air. Swim in a clear blue sea (ok not really swim, more like snorkel). I just want to be out under the sun and be with nature.

Then there is the reality that I have to work, and be in the city. That dream will come one day, I promise.

I Want to Singa!

Yes! Im shouting it now! I want to go to Singapore and work there.
If things are only that easy..

I have lots of friends who are already there.
There is Juvy and her husband Jan who promised they can let me stay for a while in their apartment while Im still looking for work. Ate Belle and Joanna, one of my closest friends are also there and offering the same. Kenneth and his wife Jessica whom I met while working in Manila is inviting me the same.

If all goes well I have no problem with where I'll stay.

Now to the core problem. Will I be accepted at a job? And for how long will I be idle?

This scares me to the bone! Yes, you heard me, I'm scared to apply. It's never been easy applying for a job. For starters they ask you this nasty technical questions nobody really cares to do in the actual job, but you have to know it for the job interview.

Then there's the question of skills. How skilled am I now? I've been working as a programmer for almost 8 years now. You might surmised that I'm that skilled worker. Actually. Im not. I've been a jack of all trades, master of none type.

If I'll be totally honest in my interviews I would say the following:

I've been working as a programmer for 8 years now. I've coded web applications based on php, javascript with database (mysql). I was also a Java Certified programmer (if that still matters today), but I've got only 2 years of solid Java industry programming. Currently my project is in C++ but it's only maintenance and I only got to modify little code (no creation of classes much more design).

And can you not ask me those what is transient, volatile stuffs? I mean who use those in real life?

That's why Im not that confident because I'm not good enough. Even for me. Though some of my friends think that Im good to go.

But even though I really wanted to go to Singa ASAP, I will have to wait. I have to prepare myself because this is a big leap. Literally and figuratively.

Reminder: Don't Get Too Old

As I was hearing my father, again for the nth time, how my grandfather would reprimand them (my parents) if they hear us (their grandchildren) cry (long ago when we were toddlers) - which would bring conflict between them (wooh, what a long sentence), I was reminded to not grow old too much.

Why? It was as if he is not listening to himself. He is telling us the story which is happening right now. You see, we have a 1yr old baby which screams and shouts every time she doesn't get what she wanted. It's not like we haven't had a baby before (Lance which is 4 yrs old now is quite tamed already because we can now talk and he now understands) - which is why I really don't get it when he tells us to not let the baby cry, as if we wanted our baby girl to cry - no scream!

And so my father would relate to us how our grandfather would scold them which results in conflicts between them because of us when we were young. These conflict would in my father's words "makes me nervous all the time". He doesn't want conflict, who does? But running away from conflict is a sure way of prolonging disagreement. My grandfather died a long time ago, but my father is still carrying this "nervousness", it's like a shadow that is constantly haunting him.

So that is why I have these little checklist for me not to fall on the same trap.

1. NEVER stay near your parents (or in laws for that matter) when you get married. This is not to say I will cut them from my life, what I mean is my wife and my family should not stay with either parents. A lot of conflicts will arise when you live with your parents. They think they know better than you and they will interfere with your decisions on and specially raising your children. Trust me I know the feeling.

2. Don't "golden coat" the past. I mean stop the rhetoric "when I was your age, I did this...it was hard but I succeeded..." Just get to the point. Your mistake would be different with your future children's mistake. It might look the same but the circumstances surrounding the events would be entirely different, unless they time traveled to your era.

3. Never let them feel unloved. Even at your busiest days, hug them and tell them you love them. Never fail. You may forget it one day and would realize they've gotten too old and have their own lives that telling them you love them is like gulping a gallon of condensed milk. You know how it feels like, right?

4. You are becoming too old  when: you are not following what you committed. What I mean by this is that old people don't keep their word. They say things, promise things, plan things - which will never see the light of day.

5. You are becoming too old when: you get easily aggravated (manluod). Yes, keep tab on this one as this is a telltale sign of rushing to the wrinkle age.

6. Don't ever lose your sense of adventure! If you are starting to say "I've done that already... Too tired for that..Too old for that.." Well, you may be very right, you are too old.

7. Don't assume you are right ALL the time. Yes, you can never be right all the time, but the easiest way out is just to accept and say sorry when you are wrong as immediately as possible.

As of this moment of writing, I can only list 7, but I know as Im getting "wiser" I can certainly add more things.

It is ok to grow old - it is natural, unless you are a vampire, but don't rush it you have lots of time!

--.--.--

On Why Im Pissed

Firstly, I hate incompetent people. I thrive at competition. Friendly, contructive type of. There's nothing more satisfying when you triumph over, or if you lose - gain valuable lessons and insights you can use for your next battle.

Then there's the whole lot about risks and gains. Greater risks equates to bigger gains, supposedly right? What I don't get on this place is its rotten environment. People are in a way connected but distant. Some are helpful but with agenda. Others are brilliant but does not want to help. Still others are truly useful but unsharing.

I know every company has these type of people I described, but here they are way out of the normal proportions.

So Im whining. It happens to me once in a while. Letting my frustration out, emptying my brain. Nothing serious. I should whip my own business and get into a whole new dimension of trouble for once, but what business?

To begin, now Im having a renaissance love with programming. I lost it, I have to admit. But I regained it now. But I dont know where to start, where to begin. I left with Java and now Im crushing with .Net C#, and all those mobile development that is so hot right now. But Im effectively a newbie on this aspect technically.

I know, too many "buts". Im just letting out my frustration, Im not really thinking of a solution. Im just dumping it all in. So back to this environment, its getting tiring everyday. Everyday is a new problem day or getting away from a problem or facebook day!

That's my only resolve at this point, I can social network all I want! Heheh, social network as a verb. What to do now? Tomorrow is a working day, so work and try to make things done. Resolve and hope that everything will be ok. Im still not comforted but I got nothing to write about.

An Act

Everything is an act
Sometimes you do it overtly
You need an acting lesson
To shield your incapacity

That's true
Im saying this to you
How can you always find faults
Not in yourself, always at someone else?

Incompetence you embody
Is sickening, and stressing
Talk about this and talk about that
Always not you, someone's a foe

So if I ever turn this piece to a melody
I would say,  Adieu!
Go to the place where they burn souls
You belong there, am sure you do

The problem is not only other people
Mainly the problem is 90% after T.
The whole place is a mess
Everyone's talking and taking their own shit

The facade is not even convincing
I'm not a believer anymore,
You lost me at "unique"
So I'll go my way even if I'll stray

Someday you can read this,
And overheat that dying cells in your head
Exercise it a little maybe
By deciphering if this is you baby!

Baguio The 3rd

Oops. Looks like this blog is creepily becoming like a travel log.

2008. 2009. 2011 - this year is the year I went back to Baguio.  

We stopped over at Am'z tita's place to leave our bags so that we can sight see Manila's historic place of Luneta and nearby locations without lugging our luggage :). 

Many, many thanks to their graciousness, they are so kind and welcoming. Tito Arnel's wisdom is inspiring, should be like that when Im older. 

It is definitely an artist's house - the dinner table, mobile sculptures, stack of paintings, and most amazingly is the wolf and sheep fur! Loved it, its my first time to touch a real dead-animal fur. 

Baguio Bound.

We arrived at Baguio around 7am and it was foggy ang cold. It was such a nice feeling when the cold wind is touching your skin. 

It's my third time, and it already feels like home. I can definitely stay in Baguio for long periods of time if I have somebody to stay while here and not stay in hotels or inns. I wish I have relatives in this part of the Cordilleras.  

First stop is the most famous of Baguio streets, Session road. 

It is still the same, with the traffic and cars parked on the road sides and makes it even more crowded. However the chaos it looks, it still is a charmer. Maybe because of the cold weather, people doesn't mind the disorder.  

The rain only deterred us a little on our scheduled walks to famous places tourists should visit. It always does so in the afternoon, a good thing because we are tired anyways from all the walking in non plain roads. 

Burnham park - check. 

Boat @ Burnham - double check. 

Biking - check 

On our 2nd day we visited Wright park, the Mansion, Mine's view and the Botanical garden. So much green parks. I wish every city in the Philippines have at least one Botanical garden-esque park to pride of.  

The 3rd day was spent at the Philippine Military Academy. It is a HUGE area! Precipitation comes in 2 forms here. Fog and rain. Fogs has this effect of making your surroundings eerily mysterious when they are all covered in white. 

We did not forget to bring pasalubong of course. I only bought two sling bags and 3 jars of strawberry jam for home.

Goodbye.

Going back to Cebu on this super early flight, needs to work later. Ahh, and for the record I can now sleep on the bus! My next target is to sleep on the plane :D 

Baguio rocks! And cool too...

The Trade-offs of Free Lunch

Im super hungry!

I can buy food for myself but this is free lunch - ok not totally free, but 36pesos partly free but uber delicious lunch~!

I have to wait...

Palawan Natural

Though I only stayed for 3 short nights, I like to live there when I'm dusty and grey (though I have grey hairs now, Im not yet ready to let go of the city life). Definitely, one of the places where nature still is "virgin" - at least in the nature-raped Philippines.


The food is great! Fresh seafoods, fruits and delicious dishes. I ate like a king every night. Our first destination was the Bilao at Palayok place. It got a Japanese style as you would sit on the floor and not on chairs. But the food is all Filipino, and served in a large bila-o. Assorted delicious food!


On our second night, we dined at Kinabuch. And at that night I ate for the first time crocodile meat cooked ala adobo, and mangrove-worm locally known as "tamilok" ala kilawin. Of the two exotic, I would love to be served croc meat anytime of the day, as for the worm - another check on my bucket list (things I thought I will never eat category).

Finally, the famed Ka Lui for our last night in Palawan. You have to get a reservation to be able to surely dine on this place. We were a little disappointed by their minimalistic menu, but that escabeche and sinigang sa coconut milk is something new to my taste. Their CR is so clean! They also have a gallery that depicts local painters. Overall, a great last night in Palawan.

They say that it's the journey and not the destination, however, travelling through Palawan it's definitely both!

Another UNESCO world heritage site, the Underground river is really a wonder of nature. It is just sad to note that some parts of it is vandalized, but since it is now protected we can hope for the best that it will be preserved for future generations. Once inside, you can see all these formations, the grandest is the "cathedral" where you can see religious icons formed naturaly from the drops of water.

Our second day is spent island hopping! While on the boat I can clearly see the mountains are covered with forests and not subdivisions. The sea is clear and blue. But God, there are jellyfish as big as a basketball floating around this time of the season.


Once on the island, our guide led us to snorkelling with the fishes. And they are numerous! We walked on the streches of white sand along the narrow, partially submerged part of snake island. Have a fun pictrial at Starfish island and see the reef where you can spot a giant clam and more fish!

Lastly but certainly not the least is our city tour - on the 3rd day. We toured Mitra's ranch and bought hopia and other goodies at Baker's hill. We also had the opportuity to visit the crocodile farm where I've never seen such a giant crocodile in my life and those baby crocs in the hatchery.

I left Palawan on a sunny afternoon, but its memories will have a special place in my heart and most specially in my stomach.

An Ode to Cebu City

Cebu City, the home for me
My province my City my Home
Though imperfections abound in every sight
And corruption holding your upward flight
I still choose you over any other city

Coz, its in you I feel proud to be within

It is where I was born
Nurtured and gain insights about the world
Educated, gained friends and feel love
Nothing is more precious
Is anywhere than in Cebu

From Magellan's cross
To the Basilica and the other churches
Of Spanish times and historic past

To the recently modern
Malls, Parks, highways and bridges
Of todays mighty buildings

You shine in the night
Maybe not the brightest of all cities I've seen
But you shine differently in my eyes
Especially here in my heart

Another Place to Discover! Soon...08/27-30/2011

Happy 4th Birthday Lance!

My nephew turned 4!
Time really flies.

He now has a personality, at four he knows what he wants and what he doesnt want. He knows how to navigate the internet for his games and youtube videos that he likes.

Just this school year he had been enrolled in kindergarten.

As always, I always wish for your health, and well being Lance.
Be a good kid and grow up to be a good person.

Our family is always at your side to guide you in every way.

Doubts

I am doubting my skills again. 

Can I do this? Last week I felt like Im on the right way, but now? Im totally lost.

An alarm is now slowly awakening inside me. Im starting to get scared.

I have many things I want to try and accomplish, but my mind is not cooperating. Lately I feel weak and just want to sleep. Not that I dont get enough sleep at night, I do, but I still get sleepy in the morning specially right after lunch. 

I have lots of ideas I want to try, new technologies and tools I want to learn. The problem is Im not driven to excel. That's the problem.

And I don't have a solution yet. 

Hoping that this is just a temporary lull and will fade away soon.

The Feeling is Universal

I don't want to tell my disappointing story about immigration!

Now let me share about Singapore.

Singapore! I arrived at midnight and while travelling all I can say is "wow" this and "wow" that! That is how much I appreciate its beauty while Im inside the taxi. I was blown away by how clean and modern it is. Not that I dont have an idea, but seeing it right through my own two eyes is just surreal.

I love cities. The urban jungle as they say. I was born and raised in a city so Im no stranger to the city life. Years ago I saw this documentary about what they called Mega-cities. Cities with millions and millions of people in them. Surprise! Manila is one of them. That was also one of the reasons why I pushed through with my plan to work in Manila, to experience how to live in a crowded, urban jungle, a mega-city! Singapore is one of these mega-cities too! I had plans to be there but I was having these other plans but I digress.

Singapore is far-far away compared to Manila, and I don't mean the distance! I meant the progress! Manila (and the Philippines in general) is this tax burdened place with poor service and inefficient government with corrupt politicians in the mix. Singapore looks flawless in my eyes (I dont know its internal politics) but as someone new, I know that they are progressive and is continuing to do so.

Their transportation is very efficient and clean. One card for all payments. Their MRT is very clean and safe and also very cold. Their buses are clean and stops only at designated bus stops. Taxi drivers are polite and issues receipts. Did I mention that everywhere is clean?

My Singapore stay is too short to be conclusive that it is perfect, but for me Singapore is everything I dreamt of as a perfect city. Should be back. Soon. Hopefully.

Universal Studios Singapore.

My inner child surfaced! Thanks to the newly weds they treated me to USS. It's quite expensive but I got it for free! Life is wonderful!

There are many rides and attractions but I will never forget the Battlestar Galactica, Human and Cylon roller coaster rides! They were just breath taking! It's a must to ride them. After riding the Cylon coaster I just felt off. My head spins and I felt like fainting - and I was so pale they were alarmed. After sipping hot noodle soup and changing my sweat drenched shirt, my color re-appeared. And all was well.

Waterworld, Jurassic park's rapids ride, Shrek's Castle 4D show and other fun adventures and sights filled my day and my senses.

One of THE BEST Days of my life.

The Feeling is Universal

I don't want to tell my disappointing story about immigration!

But first let me share about Singapore.

Singapore! I arrived at midnight and while travelling all I can say is "wow" this and "wow" that! That is how much I appreciate its beauty while Im inside the taxi. I was blown away by how clean and modern it is. Not that I dont have an idea, but seeing it right through my own two eyes is just surreal.

I love cities. The urban jungle as they say. I was born and raised in a city so Im no stranger to the city life. Years ago I saw this documentary about what they called Mega-cities. Cities with millions and millions of people in them. Surprise! Manila is one of them. That was also one of the reasons why I pushed through with my plan to work in Manila, to experience how to live in a crowded, urban jungle, a mega-city! Singapore is one of these mega-cities too! I had plans to be there but I was having these other plans but I digress.

Singapore is far-far away compared to Manila, and I don't mean the distance! I meant the progress! Manila (and the Philippines in general) is this tax burdened place with poor service and inefficient government with corrupt politicians in the mix. Singapore looks flawless in my eyes (I dont know its internal politics) but as someone new, I know that they are progressive and is continuing to do so.

Their transportation is very efficient and clean. One card for all payments. Their MRT is very clean and safe and also very cold. Their buses are clean and stops only at designated bus stops. Taxi drivers are polite and issues receipts.

My Singapore stay is too short to be conclusive that it is perfect, but for me Singapore is everything I dreamt of as a perfect city. Should be back. Soon. Hopefully.

Universal Studios Singapore.

My inner child surfaced! Thanks to the newly weds they treated me to USS. It's quite expensive but I got it for free! Life is wonderful!

There are many rides and attractions but I will never forget the Battlestar Galactica, Human and Cylon roller coaster rides! They were just breath taking! It's a must to ride them. After riding the Cylon coaster I just felt off. My head spins and I felt like fainting - and I was so pale they were alarmed. After sipping hot noodle soup and changing my sweat drenched shirt, my color re-appeared. And all was well.

Waterworld, Jurassic park's rapids ride, Shrek's Castle 4D show and other fun adventures and sights filled my day and my senses.

One of THE BEST Days of my life.

My Best-friend's Wedding

Another one down! In a good way.

Marriage they say is one of the things people who are in love enter and never get out of (supposedly) until they die. In a world of billions, finding the ONE by yourself is kind a hard if you really think about it. That person you will stick like glue for the rest of your mortal life. The person you will look at every waking day, be at each other's side for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, 'till death do you part. Such a big promise to make. (I know divorce, annulment exists but I am looking at the best case scenario).

So I am very happy when I hear my friends are getting married for the right reasons, not because they already have children or is pregnant or got someone pregnant (I am not saying having children before marriage is NOT a good reason to marry). We are now in a certain age (late twenties) where our society expects us to either have children or married or blessedly single and not just singly alone.

It makes me believe that love is still alive. Love is still a choice someone made and not forced by someone else. That love, no matter the past mistakes and the hurts conquers all. That love is truly what the bible say it is.

So I say kudos to my best-friend that she found her THE ONE and say my congratulations to the both of them! May they live happily forever ever after.

To You Back When

Would we be still together
If I just gave you everything?
The time, the feelings
That your heart yearns

Could we still be humming love songs
In each other arms right now
If I just gave you my all
My whole affection somehow

The truth is, if you did not felt it
You failed
For I have given my everything
To you back when

The laughter shared is still fresh
Time makes it rusty and old
Even if there's newer laughs
I still keep yours here

The sun we shared in our days
The rain we showered
The wind we tasted
All witness to the truth 

So, ask this, did you remember
How it used to be
Did you felt the warmth
The burning passion from me?

Coz if you dont
Then you've failed
Because, I have given
My everyhthing to you back when

A Child Once More

Seeing 3 Idiots inspired me. Even with its song and dance numbers, and sometimes obvious and unrealistic plots, the core story is really great! I teared and laughed, and was very touched emotionally. A movie about friendship, life struggles, your place in this world, romance - comedy and drama rolled into more than 2 hours of epic (mis)adventures. All is well, if you follow your passion and not live in fear.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

I live life full of dreams
When I was little
A child of wonders and no fear

The world then was a simple place
In my mother's arms I'm secure
No monsters can scare me anymore

I own the world, I have my place
In my home, Im loved
What's more to ask for?

Yet time goes by and I grew up
Innocence is lost
My heart is but not pure

Time is a trickster
When we're young we wanted to grow old
But then when we mature
We look back, the way we were
And wished we could have a little more

Now that Im a grown man
I remember that child
Can't help but smile
To see that little boy had grown

Though not perfect
And not as happy as can be
He knows he can reach the stars
If he wants it to be

From time to time
I live in that child's world
For I kept the child within
Deep in my heart, deep in my soul
I'm a child once more

Videoke Afternoon

Amongst the five of us, Mike is the only one whose got a decent voice to showcase, but as they say majority wins!

Mike "roel santiago" the cheetah-balladeer. He also got the "cheetah" moves, thus the moniker. Videoke plus a little bit of macho dancing is somewhat interesting.

Madz is the new Charice. Released the new single "Tiramid" with high critical acclaim from various peers.

Amabelle "the songstress". Songs are free to admit that they are stressed and worn out, this includes but not limited to "the man who cant be moved", "still loving you", etc.

And lastly but certainly not the least...

Vella the "endangered songbird". You cant blame anyone who tries to hunt them to extinction because of such amazing powers to alter notes. Good that Vella says she "doesnt want to sing".

Until then!

Another Reset

It is building momentum
However I dismiss the idea
My gut feel is telling me
A reset is inevitable
The future is re-definable

So long I will say by then
To this place where I play pens
Where my skill in writing
To this blog Im posting

Goodbye is a good way to say hello
Till we meet again
Or never see one another
Our lifetime is but forever

"So long" our lips would say
Our eyes may tear
Crocodile I hope it's not
It hurts for us to part

And yes, people often part
But if they stay in our hearts
Will be forever become a piece
Even after we are laid in peace

I Forgot the Feeling

-- Warning: Don't read if you are uneasy on topics regarding sexuality --

Yes, I recently realized that I can now be a certified re-virginized. Yeah its a made up word for virginity is more of a hymen being ruptured, its the actual thing - the experience - of doing it, hymen rupturing or not (what?!), and for me I don't have one. But more than the sex act, let's talk about feelings.

Yes, I forgot the feeling of being with someone else. Why so? It's been a couple of years (officially 3 since my last official relationship) and with that time frame I actually did not seek for another relationship. I go on with my life, job, family, friends and tours. I can honestly say that it didn't bother me (as much) that I have no one. Then one by one my closest friends began to marry and have children (not necessarily in that particular order). And I realized that I'm at the end of my 20's! What?! a decade has passed me by so quickly (passed me by in the sense of love/relationship and not the other aspects of life - hopefully)!

Then I asked myself, for someone had asked me "Are you prepared to go old alone?" Actually I was dumbfounded by that question but the quick-witted me answered gleefully "Yes, maybe I will be a little sad but I will go into a home for the aged when time comes..." There is a half truth to it. Yes, I may be ok with it, but more than being ok with it in the future (when there is nothing I can do by then) is the present me who suddenly rang an alert bell in my head (or is it in my heart?). Are you really not going to try to find someone who you could "try" to be together with? Try practicing your rusty pumping moves before time will make it hard to get hard (porny but true).

I was quite struck for a while. I tried to remember my "best" relationship and why it did not work out. I tried to remember how it started. I tried to feel the feeling of being in a state of love.

And then I remembered.

The mushy texts and midnight calls. Passionate kisses and touch. The crazy things you do and your plans how to "score".  The trips you eagerly await for the both of you to be alone. The feeling of someone wanting you. The feeling of wanting someone so badly - you want them at your side all the time. You want to do things together -eat, church, play, (un)dress. Someone you can share your activity for the day(night), your hopes and your dreams, yourself.

That must have been love right?

Then there were the feelings of jealousy, trust issues, insecurities, too much of something it becomes unhealthy, nagging and the penultimate - indifference.

Then I remembered the reason why I avoided relationships after that great love - is that I was torn to pieces, I lost myself. I honestly did not know myself after that. I realized I isolated myself from my friends, I suddenly have lots of free time, I became a totally different person literally and figuratively. My values and perspective shifted and my heart wounded.

That is why I strayed away from being in a serious relationship.  Years passed.

Now, am I ready to take a chance once again? Only time can tell, but I can tell you my hormones are rising.

If My Life Is A Play

If my life is a play
What would it be?

Will it be a drama
Full of crying
Full of tragedies
Full of misery
A sea of tears?

Will it be an action
Full of fighting
Full of violence
Full of anger
A broken and bruised body?

Will it be a comedy
Full of laughter
Full of joy
Full of happiness
Smile that is ear to ear?

Maybe a little of those and some
I imagine my life
If it will be played
Is a sitcom

From innocence
To unexpected experiences
From a seed, becoming a tree
From a bulb to a blossom

A sitcom, where most of the time
Many persons come in
And leave
Each bringing something
To move my story forward
Some I love to remember and flash back
Some I loathe and skip forward

A sitcom, where you can laugh
At the same time cry
Be in a state of love
And in a state without
In a group
Alone
But each new episode is a story
However mundane and common
Must be shared and told

Doesn't really matter if the characters are common
Doesn't really matter if the stories are unoriginal
Even if there are plot holes
And character development is slow
Or the ending is predictable
Or the story "jumped the shark"
It still is my story I like to be told
In a series
As a sitcom
More or less 30 mins long