As I was hearing my father, again for the nth time, how my grandfather would reprimand them (my parents) if they hear us (their grandchildren) cry (long ago when we were toddlers) - which would bring conflict between them (wooh, what a long sentence), I was reminded to not grow old too much.
Why? It was as if he is not listening to himself. He is telling us the story which is happening right now. You see, we have a 1yr old baby which screams and shouts every time she doesn't get what she wanted. It's not like we haven't had a baby before (Lance which is 4 yrs old now is quite tamed already because we can now talk and he now understands) - which is why I really don't get it when he tells us to not let the baby cry, as if we wanted our baby girl to cry - no scream!
And so my father would relate to us how our grandfather would scold them which results in conflicts between them because of us when we were young. These conflict would in my father's words "makes me nervous all the time". He doesn't want conflict, who does? But running away from conflict is a sure way of prolonging disagreement. My grandfather died a long time ago, but my father is still carrying this "nervousness", it's like a shadow that is constantly haunting him.
So that is why I have these little checklist for me not to fall on the same trap.
1. NEVER stay near your parents (or in laws for that matter) when you get married. This is not to say I will cut them from my life, what I mean is my wife and my family should not stay with either parents. A lot of conflicts will arise when you live with your parents. They think they know better than you and they will interfere with your decisions on and specially raising your children. Trust me I know the feeling.
2. Don't "golden coat" the past. I mean stop the rhetoric "when I was your age, I did this...it was hard but I succeeded..." Just get to the point. Your mistake would be different with your future children's mistake. It might look the same but the circumstances surrounding the events would be entirely different, unless they time traveled to your era.
3. Never let them feel unloved. Even at your busiest days, hug them and tell them you love them. Never fail. You may forget it one day and would realize they've gotten too old and have their own lives that telling them you love them is like gulping a gallon of condensed milk. You know how it feels like, right?
4. You are becoming too old when: you are not following what you committed. What I mean by this is that old people don't keep their word. They say things, promise things, plan things - which will never see the light of day.
5. You are becoming too old when: you get easily aggravated (manluod). Yes, keep tab on this one as this is a telltale sign of rushing to the wrinkle age.
6. Don't ever lose your sense of adventure! If you are starting to say "I've done that already... Too tired for that..Too old for that.." Well, you may be very right, you are too old.
7. Don't assume you are right ALL the time. Yes, you can never be right all the time, but the easiest way out is just to accept and say sorry when you are wrong as immediately as possible.
As of this moment of writing, I can only list 7, but I know as Im getting "wiser" I can certainly add more things.
It is ok to grow old - it is natural, unless you are a vampire, but don't rush it you have lots of time!
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