My sister left for Australia.
I'm the first one to leave our house to live in some other place to work (which is Manila) but fate has taken me back here, home. It is maybe one of my most daring, risky and memorable experience of my life. In my opinion, living alone and independently has broaden my horizon, and made me a little wiser - not to mention see other places, faces and experience a different culture.
That experience has taught me a lot of things, from little mundane things of checking if the doors are locked after you go to work, cleaning the room, kitchen, CR to major things of controlling finances and expenses. I feel happy when I look back and see myself being responsible and mature enough to take care of myself. No one can take away what I learned from that experience. I am proud of me.
And now my younger sister at 24 is now heading to Brisbane Australia to try a new life. I'm totally excited for her. Hoping that she will have the courage to fight the homesickness and enjoy this opportunity to grow and be mature.
Our family is just here, waiting for your return. Godspeed Ajane.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Should I Be Honest Enough?
It's been around three (3) months now that I have all these free time to do almost anything. Yet I don't do anything except eat, sleep and just laze around.
One more thing, I have this agreement.
Before I entered into this contract with my part time job, I told them that I need time to figure out if I wanted to do it fulltime. Because of that premise I didn't resign from my previous post and continued my services as part time to them.
As I have written, I was laid off from my fulltime job. And that's where the dilemma comes in. You see I didn't tell my part time that I am now free. And to make matters more complicated I applied for other companies and got accepted. Next month I will be starting there as an employee and will be busy (as a neophytes do).
The reason being is that honestly I don't want to be in a fulltime position with them and would like that I continue my services as part time. There are many reasons why, and the primary reason being I don't have that health care benefit and those other benefits that regular employees receives.
I wish I could just tell them what I honestly feel, but things are not that easy.
One more thing, I have this agreement.
Before I entered into this contract with my part time job, I told them that I need time to figure out if I wanted to do it fulltime. Because of that premise I didn't resign from my previous post and continued my services as part time to them.
As I have written, I was laid off from my fulltime job. And that's where the dilemma comes in. You see I didn't tell my part time that I am now free. And to make matters more complicated I applied for other companies and got accepted. Next month I will be starting there as an employee and will be busy (as a neophytes do).
The reason being is that honestly I don't want to be in a fulltime position with them and would like that I continue my services as part time. There are many reasons why, and the primary reason being I don't have that health care benefit and those other benefits that regular employees receives.
I wish I could just tell them what I honestly feel, but things are not that easy.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Day of July 15
That yellow (or cream colored) long sleeved shirt I wore at Dianne's wedding is my only choice to wear for the interviews. I have two job interviews today, the first one, at 10:00am is in IT Park and the other one at 3:00pm is in Cebu Business Park (Ayala).
It was a nice interview at Company N. First I was interviewed by their HR, and all I can say is that she's nice and I love her voice, it's like I'm listening to a prerecorded message. After some standard HR questions (tell me about yourself, salary, etc..) she quickly forwarded me to my technical interview with the team lead.
They're looking for C++ programmers, and I honestly didn't know how to code C++ for now. But they're lenient for long as I know OOP concepts. And bet I really do! The interview went on like a casual conversation and I felt at home answering questions about Inheritance, Polymorphism, Encapsulation. I know these stuffs, and I felt confident when I answered this particular question "In implementing a list, how do you clear the list (delete all contents)?". It's like a jackpot question for me, since I don't only know the answer I absolutely know how to answer it in a way that they will say "yes that's it!".
I was asked to return after lunch to have an interview with the manager. The way the manager interviewed me, it seems to me like an investigation, scrutinizing details that I put on my resume. For a moment I felt I was being interrogated by a crime (but it was just me). Turns out that somehow he knew an aunt of mine (he even knew that we live beside the road-but I didn't pry more on how he had such knowledge). He told me that I will know the results the following day. After I left the premises the HR called me to return again by 1:00pm the following day.
I was next off to Company L for a 3:00pm interview. When I arrived I was told to go to the 9th floor. After some HR forms I was escorted to the 19th floor where my interviewers were. Again I was relieved that my interviewers were cool enough and not intimidating.
The interview quickly turned into another fun conversation (it felt like I was talking to my long unseen friends) about my past experiences (as a programmer of course!) and about my hobbies, and interests. I had a great time relating to them about my past jobs and my decisions (they asks why I took the licensure examination for teachers). I was getting ready to answer technical questions but they said that it will be in an another interview (if there is another). The position became more interesting to me when they mentioned "our team gets to travel often..." - that's it I was sold. I was a bit disappointed though since I was ready, very ready to answer those technical questions. I was told to wait for further announcement (calls).
I guess that yellow (cream colored) long sleeve shirt I wore at Dianne's wedding is a lucky charm.
It was a nice interview at Company N. First I was interviewed by their HR, and all I can say is that she's nice and I love her voice, it's like I'm listening to a prerecorded message. After some standard HR questions (tell me about yourself, salary, etc..) she quickly forwarded me to my technical interview with the team lead.
They're looking for C++ programmers, and I honestly didn't know how to code C++ for now. But they're lenient for long as I know OOP concepts. And bet I really do! The interview went on like a casual conversation and I felt at home answering questions about Inheritance, Polymorphism, Encapsulation. I know these stuffs, and I felt confident when I answered this particular question "In implementing a list, how do you clear the list (delete all contents)?". It's like a jackpot question for me, since I don't only know the answer I absolutely know how to answer it in a way that they will say "yes that's it!".
I was asked to return after lunch to have an interview with the manager. The way the manager interviewed me, it seems to me like an investigation, scrutinizing details that I put on my resume. For a moment I felt I was being interrogated by a crime (but it was just me). Turns out that somehow he knew an aunt of mine (he even knew that we live beside the road-but I didn't pry more on how he had such knowledge). He told me that I will know the results the following day. After I left the premises the HR called me to return again by 1:00pm the following day.
I was next off to Company L for a 3:00pm interview. When I arrived I was told to go to the 9th floor. After some HR forms I was escorted to the 19th floor where my interviewers were. Again I was relieved that my interviewers were cool enough and not intimidating.
The interview quickly turned into another fun conversation (it felt like I was talking to my long unseen friends) about my past experiences (as a programmer of course!) and about my hobbies, and interests. I had a great time relating to them about my past jobs and my decisions (they asks why I took the licensure examination for teachers). I was getting ready to answer technical questions but they said that it will be in an another interview (if there is another). The position became more interesting to me when they mentioned "our team gets to travel often..." - that's it I was sold. I was a bit disappointed though since I was ready, very ready to answer those technical questions. I was told to wait for further announcement (calls).
I guess that yellow (cream colored) long sleeve shirt I wore at Dianne's wedding is a lucky charm.
Sometimes I Get Extremely Lucky
Yes, for reasons I can't explain, maybe that is why it's called luck.
Case in point: Passing the entrance job examination with a high score
I applied for this company, let's call it company Q. When I arrived there I was shocked that there was a lot (I mean A LOT) of people lining up waiting for their turn to be interviewed by the HR. Thankfully though that was not the line I was supposed to fall-in-line since it was for those applying for call center agents.
I was applying as a network systems administrator.
Ok, really I wasn't applying for a network sysadmin, I was applying as a programmer. There was another guy that was also scheduled to take the test. We casually talk about our past jobs and I knew that I was dead meat compared to this person since he worked with Cisco servers, etc.
The HR told me that she knew I didn't applied for the network sysadmin position, but explained that she just wanted for me to try.
And so the test begun.
And was it hard. No make it very hard!
There were 20 questions, situational ones where they present a scenario and ask what went wrong, how to fix it, what's the output, what's the best topology, etc...
So I went home and cleared my mind that there's any chance I could pass that exam. I mean for real.
And the surprise of my life, I received a call and the HR told me that I have an interview later that evening. So I went to company Q's office and waited for my turn to be interviewed.
During my interview, the admin asked me if I had any previous encounter with a Cisco router or configured any kind of network related equipment - and my answer was a short "no sir". And he had this look on his face that seems baffled, he asked me how can I get such high scores and yet didn't know a thing about Cisco routers or network equipment configuration for that matter?
Of course I did some intellectual reasoning and didn't just admit that it was pure luck.
But I guess my luck ended there. I was not employed by company Q.
I hope that the other person got it, he deserves the position anyway.
Friday, July 02, 2010
The Day of July 2
Woke up early to go to TBI office because it is Friday and I have to be in the office to meet with Ryan our new UI designer for the website.
Planned to go there at 9:00am but because I was hooked up on twitter and facebook and also re-uploading the sample test program from a company I am applying as a programmer, I arrived late - but not so late at 9:30am.
Met Ryan and we talked about the sample theme he submitted 2 days ago and what needs to be revised. I guess my manager wanted a simpler color scheme and uncluttered design. After an hour or so discussion, we had an agreement and we'll see his redesign over the weekend and will be discussed by the team during Monday's status meeting.
Submitted my DTR (daily time record) for the month of June and went for lunch.
Had lunch in Mongolian and had my favorite "check a bowl" meal paired with a bottomless iced tea.
Went home, watched the downloaded "The Tudors" season 1 episodes. I downloaded this series out of curiosity because it has been touted as having many explicit scenes and - they were not kidding, breasts and butts abound on every episodes (yes I skipped to the good parts :p).
Having nothing much to do for the afternoon, I just watched TV, surf the net and eat. It was then that I realized I ate 3 times for the last 4 hrs.
I received email from an employer based on SG about an opening they have, but I am not yet qualified as they need 5-6 years of solid Java EE experience, I'm just currently having 6 years of various IT experience.
Job hunting will still continue until next week.
Planned to go there at 9:00am but because I was hooked up on twitter and facebook and also re-uploading the sample test program from a company I am applying as a programmer, I arrived late - but not so late at 9:30am.
Met Ryan and we talked about the sample theme he submitted 2 days ago and what needs to be revised. I guess my manager wanted a simpler color scheme and uncluttered design. After an hour or so discussion, we had an agreement and we'll see his redesign over the weekend and will be discussed by the team during Monday's status meeting.
Submitted my DTR (daily time record) for the month of June and went for lunch.
Had lunch in Mongolian and had my favorite "check a bowl" meal paired with a bottomless iced tea.
Went home, watched the downloaded "The Tudors" season 1 episodes. I downloaded this series out of curiosity because it has been touted as having many explicit scenes and - they were not kidding, breasts and butts abound on every episodes (yes I skipped to the good parts :p).
Having nothing much to do for the afternoon, I just watched TV, surf the net and eat. It was then that I realized I ate 3 times for the last 4 hrs.
I received email from an employer based on SG about an opening they have, but I am not yet qualified as they need 5-6 years of solid Java EE experience, I'm just currently having 6 years of various IT experience.
Job hunting will still continue until next week.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
So It Has Came To This
That I will spend the next year here. June ends today and six(6) days from now marks my one month of being officially jobless (make it 2 months if we'll count the unofficial start).
I am still waiting for a sign that something will change and will make me rethink about my decision. But time is passing by, cash flow is literally non flowing and I'm getting bored and accustomed to the "tambay" lifestyle.
So I will try to finish the test, submit it and wait for evaluation.
Maybe wait for the week (maximum of one more week) to wait for some calls from other companies that I tried to apply to.
After that, depending on the results it's either I'm off to other lands or I will be here in this full-time job as technical staff for a technology incubator facility.
Just like getting back in school, it's time to improve and study for the next chapter ahead.
I am still waiting for a sign that something will change and will make me rethink about my decision. But time is passing by, cash flow is literally non flowing and I'm getting bored and accustomed to the "tambay" lifestyle.
So I will try to finish the test, submit it and wait for evaluation.
Maybe wait for the week (maximum of one more week) to wait for some calls from other companies that I tried to apply to.
After that, depending on the results it's either I'm off to other lands or I will be here in this full-time job as technical staff for a technology incubator facility.
Just like getting back in school, it's time to improve and study for the next chapter ahead.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Axed
I have no work.
Correction, I have no "full-time" work as of the moment. My stint at Playtech was cut short because they will be closing this year and they are "releasing" employees by batch at a time. And yes I was included in the first batch to get the ax.
It was sad, I will not deny it.
For the most part of my "career" I always see to it that I am "safe" on my job since I don't like to be dependent on someone else for my needs. But sometimes (this time-my first time) life/destiny/the universe just conspires against me (or in some dramatic explanation conspires for me...whatever) and I can do nothing about it.
But I can do something.
For me, I paid my insurance for this year with the money I got as severance fee. And a few trips to some places (smiles a great deal).
And yes it motivates me on some degree knowing that I need to find a job soon and quick.
Looking at this event in retrospect made me feel that I've been complacent this past year when it comes to my skill in programming and this is a loud wakeup call to straighten my act.
It's sad to note that I've let myself be left behind.
Well the first way to recovery is to know that there is something wrong, and I know now. I'm on my road to recovery.
FULL SAIL AHEAD.
Correction, I have no "full-time" work as of the moment. My stint at Playtech was cut short because they will be closing this year and they are "releasing" employees by batch at a time. And yes I was included in the first batch to get the ax.
It was sad, I will not deny it.
For the most part of my "career" I always see to it that I am "safe" on my job since I don't like to be dependent on someone else for my needs. But sometimes (this time-my first time) life/destiny/the universe just conspires against me (or in some dramatic explanation conspires for me...whatever) and I can do nothing about it.
But I can do something.
For me, I paid my insurance for this year with the money I got as severance fee. And a few trips to some places (smiles a great deal).
And yes it motivates me on some degree knowing that I need to find a job soon and quick.
Looking at this event in retrospect made me feel that I've been complacent this past year when it comes to my skill in programming and this is a loud wakeup call to straighten my act.
It's sad to note that I've let myself be left behind.
Well the first way to recovery is to know that there is something wrong, and I know now. I'm on my road to recovery.
FULL SAIL AHEAD.
Moving On
The time has come for me to move on. Yes, it is a choice that I have to make for me. No more annoying delays and irrelevant debacle. Is it easy? The short answer is...no.
For sometime now I was content of mediocrity. And yet day by day mediocracy degrades to ineptness and results to emptiness. A sad life is what you get when you let these things unto you.
But for a moment I enjoyed it.
But that moment did not last long.
So here I am looking ahead. Looking far out into the future, my mind imagining things. Yet I'm still here and reality knocks on me to move, little baby steps, as long as it is constant, soon will get momentum and hope to be in a place and position where I wanted to be.
When I get into difficulties ahead, I draw my strength from my family and my God to always guide me and lead me to the right and rewarding path.
To the future success because there is no other choice.
For sometime now I was content of mediocrity. And yet day by day mediocracy degrades to ineptness and results to emptiness. A sad life is what you get when you let these things unto you.
But for a moment I enjoyed it.
But that moment did not last long.
So here I am looking ahead. Looking far out into the future, my mind imagining things. Yet I'm still here and reality knocks on me to move, little baby steps, as long as it is constant, soon will get momentum and hope to be in a place and position where I wanted to be.
When I get into difficulties ahead, I draw my strength from my family and my God to always guide me and lead me to the right and rewarding path.
To the future success because there is no other choice.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
It's Not About What I Want, It's What I Need
For the previous two weekends I've been lingering in the beaches, caves and swimming pools. Perfect getaways I so longed for in awhile now.
I got sunburn from exposing myself whole day and applying sunblock only once. A nose gash from diving in a shallow pool- yep it hurts. Of course a hundred photographs of what I did, where I was and who Im with - for posterity.
Anyways I'm still far from saying it done.
But I've got a problem, what will I do to engage myself in working on this project that I'm supposed to deliver by mid-May? I've got about 2 weekends to finished it or at least to start it and currently Im still halfway studying the book.
Im frustrated at myself.
Guess I need to find something reasonable to drive myself in reading that 800+ page book and start coding and testing...(blahblah)
I need to stop playing Plants vs. Zombies I guess.Oops.
I got sunburn from exposing myself whole day and applying sunblock only once. A nose gash from diving in a shallow pool- yep it hurts. Of course a hundred photographs of what I did, where I was and who Im with - for posterity.
Anyways I'm still far from saying it done.
But I've got a problem, what will I do to engage myself in working on this project that I'm supposed to deliver by mid-May? I've got about 2 weekends to finished it or at least to start it and currently Im still halfway studying the book.
Im frustrated at myself.
Guess I need to find something reasonable to drive myself in reading that 800+ page book and start coding and testing...(blahblah)
I need to stop playing Plants vs. Zombies I guess.Oops.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Do More
Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work.
by: William Arthur Ward
by: William Arthur Ward
Friday, March 19, 2010
The Bad Example
Wow, it's been a while since I last posted something here.
Anyways, it's 2010 (I know its too late for this news)! I must say there are many things that had and may happen this year and it excites me!
Let me first say that I "finished" education. The last of the series, Early Childhood Education went by and I must say I know now what level of education I may venture in the near future (as means of business and not as an employee of some school, talk about being entrepreneurial). The finished is in quotes because technically I'm not a Diploma holder yet, I have to take the speech classes and also do Practicum. I've decided that I don't have the finances anymore to continue and will delay taking those.
Next up is the upcoming trips I will take for 2010. I must say I got excited with the promos and the thrill that I may have booked myself too much. First off is on May, where a friend of mine invited me to Bohol to experience Zip Line. I am scared of heights! And to tell you frankly I don't know if I may chicken out right on the spot when I see the actual place, and owh they also have this "Plunge" its like bungee jumping - and I got myself to try it too (crazy me - safety first children)!
June is when I fly to Manila to fly to Kalibo and drive to Caticlan and swim and enjoy Boracay! And yes, it was because of the PAL promo that I jumped into the bandwagon of my former office-mates in Manila when they invited me if I will go with them. Did I pointed out that I will also be absent from work by then (we booked June 21 which is a Monday- the good employee)?
This last one in August is for me a nice bonding moment with my sister. See my sister had not yet been in Manila, so because PAL (yes, the same promo I booked for Boracay) has this incredible rate of only 1500PHP vis-a-vis fare I couldn't resist but to invite her to see Manila-and also Baguio for herself. So I planned our itinerary and the one thing I could only share is that we will be sleeping on the bus for 2 nights (the 6 or so hours travel from MNL to Baguio)! I hope she will be ok with this-we don't have much time and budget to stay on a hotel or inn.
That's about it! Now when I'm all settled, I realized I need cash! And lots of them!
Time to seriously take that part time job.
Anyways, it's 2010 (I know its too late for this news)! I must say there are many things that had and may happen this year and it excites me!
Let me first say that I "finished" education. The last of the series, Early Childhood Education went by and I must say I know now what level of education I may venture in the near future (as means of business and not as an employee of some school, talk about being entrepreneurial). The finished is in quotes because technically I'm not a Diploma holder yet, I have to take the speech classes and also do Practicum. I've decided that I don't have the finances anymore to continue and will delay taking those.
Next up is the upcoming trips I will take for 2010. I must say I got excited with the promos and the thrill that I may have booked myself too much. First off is on May, where a friend of mine invited me to Bohol to experience Zip Line. I am scared of heights! And to tell you frankly I don't know if I may chicken out right on the spot when I see the actual place, and owh they also have this "Plunge" its like bungee jumping - and I got myself to try it too (crazy me - safety first children)!
June is when I fly to Manila to fly to Kalibo and drive to Caticlan and swim and enjoy Boracay! And yes, it was because of the PAL promo that I jumped into the bandwagon of my former office-mates in Manila when they invited me if I will go with them. Did I pointed out that I will also be absent from work by then (we booked June 21 which is a Monday- the good employee)?
This last one in August is for me a nice bonding moment with my sister. See my sister had not yet been in Manila, so because PAL (yes, the same promo I booked for Boracay) has this incredible rate of only 1500PHP vis-a-vis fare I couldn't resist but to invite her to see Manila-and also Baguio for herself. So I planned our itinerary and the one thing I could only share is that we will be sleeping on the bus for 2 nights (the 6 or so hours travel from MNL to Baguio)! I hope she will be ok with this-we don't have much time and budget to stay on a hotel or inn.
That's about it! Now when I'm all settled, I realized I need cash! And lots of them!
Time to seriously take that part time job.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Songs from Early Childhood Education
It's A Sunny, Rainy Happy Day
When it's a sunny day what do you see
The big bright sun, shining down on you and me
It's a sunny day, it's a sunny day
It's a sunny and happy day
When it's a rainy day what do you hear
The cool rain drops falling down on you and me
It's a rainy day, it's day
It's a rainy and happy day
I'm happy with the sun
I'm happy with the rain
I'm happy with the sun
I'm happy with the rain
So thank thank you lord
For sunny rainy happy day
For sunny rainy happy day
For sunny rainy happy day
When it's a sunny day what do you see
The big bright sun, shining down on you and me
It's a sunny day, it's a sunny day
It's a sunny and happy day
When it's a rainy day what do you hear
The cool rain drops falling down on you and me
It's a rainy day, it's day
It's a rainy and happy day
I'm happy with the sun
I'm happy with the rain
I'm happy with the sun
I'm happy with the rain
So thank thank you lord
For sunny rainy happy day
For sunny rainy happy day
For sunny rainy happy day
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I Hate It when They Don't Mean What They Teach
They have the guts to teach us that it is important to have a low ratio of teacher to students in order to have an effective teaching
And yet today, our class skyrocketed to 60.
They have the guts to teach us what an effective room is.
And yet here we are, sardine packed in this hot, sometimes noisy room (it is behind the school's stage where programs of the CWTS are being held).
And yes they say that a teacher is a "holy" vocation/profession.
And yet they commit "unholy" acts, and is shameless about it.
What a great way to build a nation.
And yet today, our class skyrocketed to 60.
They have the guts to teach us what an effective room is.
And yet here we are, sardine packed in this hot, sometimes noisy room (it is behind the school's stage where programs of the CWTS are being held).
And yes they say that a teacher is a "holy" vocation/profession.
And yet they commit "unholy" acts, and is shameless about it.
What a great way to build a nation.
How Can They Stomach This?
It's nice to help.
There's nothing wrong when you extend help to your community.
It is a Christian thing to do.
But...
Is it still a Christian thing to do when you help, and you expect something in return?
Is it still virtuous to use the cloak of charity as means to evade your social responsibility of paying your taxes?
I think not.
How can some people make better profits out of the misery of others?
How can some people use other people's time, those who genuinely wanted to help?
How can a good gesture be good when it is rooted on an evil thought?
Money can't buy happiness.
Money can't be brought to our graves.
Money can't buy you a place in the afterlife.
There's nothing wrong when you extend help to your community.
It is a Christian thing to do.
But...
Is it still a Christian thing to do when you help, and you expect something in return?
Is it still virtuous to use the cloak of charity as means to evade your social responsibility of paying your taxes?
I think not.
How can some people make better profits out of the misery of others?
How can some people use other people's time, those who genuinely wanted to help?
How can a good gesture be good when it is rooted on an evil thought?
Money can't buy happiness.
Money can't be brought to our graves.
Money can't buy you a place in the afterlife.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Friday the 13th
Nothing scary happened.
Today is all about work. The last day of the week where all that can go possibly wrong went wrong. I cannot speak much of the trouble my higher-ups had undergone as I am not directly responsible (though affected) to fix some source code mess.
But I have my own mess, it's boring to tell it here all over again, but in a nutshell it's like going back home when you are already halfway to your destination because you forgot something important. It happened not just once, but a couple of times. It was and currently is exhausting.
Good that nothing of the supernatural kind of things occurred.
Today is all about work. The last day of the week where all that can go possibly wrong went wrong. I cannot speak much of the trouble my higher-ups had undergone as I am not directly responsible (though affected) to fix some source code mess.
But I have my own mess, it's boring to tell it here all over again, but in a nutshell it's like going back home when you are already halfway to your destination because you forgot something important. It happened not just once, but a couple of times. It was and currently is exhausting.
Good that nothing of the supernatural kind of things occurred.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Fire
While taking my dinner break, I was startled when one of my office-mates yelled, "There's fire!" (of course in the vernacular). Because I am seated near the window, I quickly stood up and peek through and saw this glowing orange flame not so far. Many of my office-mates already crowding the window to take a look at the blaze, hypothesizing where the exact location of the fire is. I can also hear the siren from firetrucks as they rush to the burning houses.
Ashes. Maybe some charred debris. That's all what's left to the houses consumed by the fire. It's November and the cold wind of Christmas is being felt. How can those whose houses were destroyed continue to celebrate the coming season? How can they face another morning knowing that their homes are no more?
The clock stroked 9:00 and I have to go home - a place where many have just lost.
Ashes. Maybe some charred debris. That's all what's left to the houses consumed by the fire. It's November and the cold wind of Christmas is being felt. How can those whose houses were destroyed continue to celebrate the coming season? How can they face another morning knowing that their homes are no more?
The clock stroked 9:00 and I have to go home - a place where many have just lost.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Me: Worrier
Now I found out why I'm such a worrier. It's in the genes.
Even though I tried as hard as I can not to worry, I worry. I worry even in my sleep, it creeps to me like water on sponge.
Through the years though I have attempted and guessed triumph over worrying too much by taking risks, moving away from my home, a side trip to another career that is something new and unexpected of me, being literally in some place new. Those things I've done introduces to so much uncertainty that my mind just shuts up because it cannot calculate and analyze each and every possibilities, I know it sounds ridiculous but looking in retrospect it holds some truth. Being away from my comfort zone made me more spontaneous and a little less worried.
Being back to a comfortable place makes me worry, in an ironic sense. I worry because I have nothing to worry about. I worry about small insignificant details that I shouldn't need to worry about, I worry about things that though I am involved can't do anything about it and worrying just makes no sense, I know that I should not worry, but here I am worrying.
Remember when I said that it's genetic? Yes, it is. I think I got t from my father's side. Well to give you a short glimpse, my father is currently not well because he was recently diagnosed with an enlarged heart. In the stories that I've heard when he talks to my aunt (who accompanies him to hospital and doctor visits) I knew that he worries a lot, and I mean a whole lot.
I'm worried by my father's health and more on his mental health (he is not taking his illness well).
I'm worried by my own health and job insecurities (you've read about it here and there's no need to discuss).
I'm worried that all will be lost.
So help me God.
Even though I tried as hard as I can not to worry, I worry. I worry even in my sleep, it creeps to me like water on sponge.
Through the years though I have attempted and guessed triumph over worrying too much by taking risks, moving away from my home, a side trip to another career that is something new and unexpected of me, being literally in some place new. Those things I've done introduces to so much uncertainty that my mind just shuts up because it cannot calculate and analyze each and every possibilities, I know it sounds ridiculous but looking in retrospect it holds some truth. Being away from my comfort zone made me more spontaneous and a little less worried.
Being back to a comfortable place makes me worry, in an ironic sense. I worry because I have nothing to worry about. I worry about small insignificant details that I shouldn't need to worry about, I worry about things that though I am involved can't do anything about it and worrying just makes no sense, I know that I should not worry, but here I am worrying.
Remember when I said that it's genetic? Yes, it is. I think I got t from my father's side. Well to give you a short glimpse, my father is currently not well because he was recently diagnosed with an enlarged heart. In the stories that I've heard when he talks to my aunt (who accompanies him to hospital and doctor visits) I knew that he worries a lot, and I mean a whole lot.
I'm worried by my father's health and more on his mental health (he is not taking his illness well).
I'm worried by my own health and job insecurities (you've read about it here and there's no need to discuss).
I'm worried that all will be lost.
So help me God.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Slums
If I will rate myself to what level of *success* I am right now I may have to say I am not anywhere near where I wanted to be (oowwh this will be another ranting).
And yes it was my decision to be back in Cebu.
And yes it was my decision to quit my part time job.
And yes it was my decision to not complete yet my practicum.
And yes it was my decision to (blah blah blah...)...
The universe is conspiring against me, it's like time is ticking away faster than I can make use of it. Like trying to hold on to sand, you just can't because it slips right through your hands, the more I grip, the faster it escapes.
Where did I get off my tracks? At what point did it happened? Or is this a cumulative result of the small bad decisions I made along the way? Maybe. Part of it I can blame because of health. I did some decisions because of health reasons. But having more time to relax - still I got sick, sicker than ever, when will I ever be given a break? I try earnestly to be as healthy as I can, not drinking, not smoking, not even partying- I choose to skip these activities to at least live a day not worrying if I'm too skinny or too fragile.
Is there redemption for me before this year ends? This year started off just right, no, this year started great! But now it will end with a whimper than with a bang!
I still hope not.
And yes it was my decision to be back in Cebu.
And yes it was my decision to quit my part time job.
And yes it was my decision to not complete yet my practicum.
And yes it was my decision to (blah blah blah...)...
The universe is conspiring against me, it's like time is ticking away faster than I can make use of it. Like trying to hold on to sand, you just can't because it slips right through your hands, the more I grip, the faster it escapes.
Where did I get off my tracks? At what point did it happened? Or is this a cumulative result of the small bad decisions I made along the way? Maybe. Part of it I can blame because of health. I did some decisions because of health reasons. But having more time to relax - still I got sick, sicker than ever, when will I ever be given a break? I try earnestly to be as healthy as I can, not drinking, not smoking, not even partying- I choose to skip these activities to at least live a day not worrying if I'm too skinny or too fragile.
Is there redemption for me before this year ends? This year started off just right, no, this year started great! But now it will end with a whimper than with a bang!
I still hope not.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Defying Gravity
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!
It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And never bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!
press PLAY >
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!
It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And never bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!
press PLAY >
Monday, October 19, 2009
27
Today Im turning 27, 10 years since highschool, 6 years since college, 5 years working.
The younger version of me would have never guessed what Im doing with my life or how I turned out to be. When I was in my teens and early twenties I always thought that I will be having a family of my own when I reach 25 (which many of my friends knew). But here I am 2 years after the 'deadline' still single, not committed and in the wild so to speak.
Im always finding ways to improve myself (maybe not physically...), I try not to be bound in my comfort zone, I try to always think out of the box, do adventure and experience life, seeing new places and meeting new friends.And yet I always find myself thinking, am I a good son? The answer is maybe, it is a hard question to answer and can only be answered when Im dead, maybe in my eulogy.
As I have written a year ago, my saddest birthday, now that I'm 27 - no more celebration (the food, party stuff). Starting with this birthday I will go to church and thank the lord for giving me another year to grow, maybe treat myself a good lunch or dinner, reply to those who will greet me and that's it, I will call it a day. I have other things in mind - but it is exclusively void of any celebration with many people.
And yes, I am not that scared back then when I was 25 and I asked myself what will I be, right now Im pretty confident that I can be something of some use soon. I will not rush life, but take it a step at a time. As I am getting older (more mature?) I realize that life is a one pass cannot-be-rewind event, so I have to carefully live as what I'd like to live to minimize regrets.
I would like to grab this opportunity to thank those who remembered. :D
The younger version of me would have never guessed what Im doing with my life or how I turned out to be. When I was in my teens and early twenties I always thought that I will be having a family of my own when I reach 25 (which many of my friends knew). But here I am 2 years after the 'deadline' still single, not committed and in the wild so to speak.
Im always finding ways to improve myself (maybe not physically...), I try not to be bound in my comfort zone, I try to always think out of the box, do adventure and experience life, seeing new places and meeting new friends.And yet I always find myself thinking, am I a good son? The answer is maybe, it is a hard question to answer and can only be answered when Im dead, maybe in my eulogy.
As I have written a year ago, my saddest birthday, now that I'm 27 - no more celebration (the food, party stuff). Starting with this birthday I will go to church and thank the lord for giving me another year to grow, maybe treat myself a good lunch or dinner, reply to those who will greet me and that's it, I will call it a day. I have other things in mind - but it is exclusively void of any celebration with many people.
And yes, I am not that scared back then when I was 25 and I asked myself what will I be, right now Im pretty confident that I can be something of some use soon. I will not rush life, but take it a step at a time. As I am getting older (more mature?) I realize that life is a one pass cannot-be-rewind event, so I have to carefully live as what I'd like to live to minimize regrets.
I would like to grab this opportunity to thank those who remembered. :D
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