To Share

In my existence, I've been generally (with a few spots of gray) good. But there are people that sway you to the darker side. And sometimes you get swayed. And you get swayed happily.

But it is not true that being on the wrong side of things you are freer. No, I dont believe that rubbish. For being free there is a huge responsibility. It is not always about yourself! The earth does not revolve to satisfy your every need. Sometimes you yourself needs to satisfy those of others.

Yourself is not anymore yours. You share it, but how can you share it when you don't care for it? Would you consume an expired good? Not unless you want to have an upset stomach. In service to others, yourself should be top class, potable, beneficial and not the other way around.

Touching other people's lives - positively, what a long way for me to be.

Anticipating

It's been a long time coming
And yet when time comes
It comes unexpectedly
Im afraid of what's going to happen next.

Many say Im going to fall for you
People who know me says so
And they saw me fell in love from ago
Will they be prophets to predict us too?

In a few months, make it two
It's me who will breathe the same air
Tangibly feel you from the inside
Will it be paradise-like when Im finally within you?

Will the two us dance like a pair
Or lose affection, that mysterious attraction
Will it be the start of forever
Or the beginning of an ending?

Will I come back for more?
Or leave and never come back
Will I leave my heart?
Or leave a memory that sucks

Questions I ask now
Time will answer soon
Let me take that plane
Is Singapore on my lane?

Bible Story

My bible stories are rusty because I have to admit that I have not been re-reading the Bible like I'm infinitum playing the music in my ipod. That fact aside, I remember a story where Abraham was tested by God to sacrifice his only son Isaac to HIM. Abraham obeyed God even though it is a tough act, but then God stopped Abraham and told him that he has seen his obedience to him and that was enough evidence of his love to God.

Reflecting on this particular story, maybe is the source of the saying "Obey first before you complain". Obeying is sometimes a tough choice when you know that obeying will hurt you. Or simply it is hard to obey when you can't see the benefit of it on you. But as shown by Abraham, he obeyed God and take note that it is his son to be sacrificed! It is safe to assume that if I was in the position of Abraham I would have chosen a different path, thank God I was not him.

Why am I talking about obedience right now? Because recently I've been a blabbering stick of disobedience. From accessing the internet on company time, to not taking myself to the doctor for checkup, to not listening to my parents, to not listening to my friends, to not listening to myself. I've been disobedient and I'm not proud of that.

I hope there is redemption for me, because I'm trying, very hard to follow rules and not break them or if I need to break them have the paperworks to prove them.

And maybe this is just the virus talking.

Ours Was A Good Story

I never tried to understand
Our situation just slide to disband
Cursing and yelling we did not do
Just an indifference of me towards you

Now that we have been apart
Not missing you is not a good start to tell you now
Cause that will only add the hurt I inflicted on you somehow

I do believe that someday, true friendship will bloom our way
A friendship that is not based on tragic love
Of lust, experiment and young years love

Until that day will come
We have to wait and experience other persons
In our lives and sometimes out
Because we should not lose hope in the promise of love

Year after year we get nearer to the finale
Anticipation builds and we prepare our sorries
Cause at the end, believing ours was a good story

That

Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions. It's just a  part of life to make one at least a dozen times, right? Who doesn't? I don't know one that didn't. Rich, poor, educated, street smarts - ALL of us had made one. And today I have to make one - a really difficult one.

Ok, not to tease or something, let's rewind a little, back a few uncertain years ago, when the world is just this beautiful place (at least a beautiful place in my memory) - simple, ignorant but blissful. The world when I was still on - my diapers (were diapers already in existence back then?) ok not that past please. A little forward in time, ok steady, a little more adjustment... to this particular time. 

I was young, tall, not so dark, and definitely... never-mind. I was walking when suddenly I fell, on my knees, in the pavement of, wait a minute, a mall. You can just imagine my embarrassed face as I try to get up and seeing all those people's judgmental look. I can imagine cartoon character's dialog bubble over their heads with "Klutz", "Hahahaha...", "What happen?" labels dangling. So I fell, what's the big deal?

I went on straight to what I need to buy that day. A stuffed toy. For a friend. Ok for the "that" girl. 

More memories are coming in while I'm writing this, on this rainy evening. Continuing...

 So I went into the store, sorted through their merchandise, checking the size, color and "feel" but most importantly - the price. I just wanted to have the perfect stuff for a perfect price. Nah, I just don't have enough money back then (and until now, but I digress). 

I have this nice little fluffy thing on my hand, and as I was walking towards the cashier I realized that I left my wallet (wait I don't have a wallet even before) - I mean I don't have enough money to buy it. Out of personal embarrassment and hoping that the sales lady did not notice me dropping out of the line, I quietly left the store.

But I still need to give something to "that" girl. It was her birthday and I have to give her something. We will be meeting at the mall about an hour that day and I just have to give her something. I tried my luck, and being poor on probability theory I gambled on the toy grabber machine (I don't know the exact name, it's that machine where you drop a coin and the claws move and you try to grab a toy and drop it in the pit) - and I lost. 

I don't only have lesser money than what I already had, I still didn't have a gift for "that" girl.

The time came that we meet and I was not ready to tell her about the crazy thing I did just to give her a gift, so I just bought her a sundae and that made "that" girl smile. It was awesome, the feeling of being smiled at - honestly I don't remember the feeling, but it must be just awesome.

And for those who maybe asking who "that" girl is, you can guess, but I wont tell. And it's probably not who you think, remember the timeline?

Back to that difficult decision I have to make now, which is more delicious Balamban liempo or Sr. Pedro? I have to pick a favorite and my stomach can't decide.

Maybe

You made me confess
You made me tell my story
A geniune me is in your hands

You tell me your stories
Your fights and your worries
A genuine you, a person that's true


However, times changed
Truths becomes lies
Sadly lies becomes good enough truth
To ease the pain
Of being open, and being seen

Stories we tell
Are now half truths, half baked in an oven
The fire still burns but it does not burn the same
How did we come to this when we started
As true as the sun and wind?

Going back maybe
I confessed
I told my story
I'm genuine in your hands

But

You were just MAYBE.

Book

Meaning I found in you is lost when you're not around
The dictionary only provides the definition 
But its not the meaning my heart is bound.


In our last kiss our bodies were together 
Yet we know that time passes and we were sure
This moment lasts nowhere near forever


In my mind, I keeep imagining that there must be someone else
Whom have gotten the sweet love that we once have
For there is a rule that nothing is lost in this universe


On my journey to my next princes, or my maiden in distress
I'm hoping a great fire of desire
To quench this aching and blistering heart and soul of mine


But most of all, aside from burning passion and ecstasy of love
The desire to have someone, always, Im looking at that book
Buried deep inside my heart that tells the story of who I am

Real

Looking for that special someone takes guts. For me that categorizes myself as timid when it comes to dating, I find it tedious to "sell" your myself.

I remember when I was very young, my parents tell me not to get married early (or get someone else pregnant). I can safely say that they have succeeded in teaching me to enjoy life being single and unattached.

Have I been to a relationship? Absolutely. Many quotes says that it is important to love, be loved and experience love and of course warns of its evil twin, hurt. Have I stumbled? Yes!

Does this makes me jaded of sort about love? Maybe. In my observation from the people around me, close friends, relatives, not so close friends - even those of showbiz, it is hard to keep a relationship.

So what's the point of being in a relationship? Someone you can share something about? Someone to touch or hold your hand in the cold? I guess most of those things apply and more.

Being single doesn't mean Im alone though. I wasn't looking but then as fate would reveal, there she is staring back, not at me but through me.

No words escaped my mouth as she can read my mind. She holds my hand and it feels like Im holding eternity. The feel of her warmth on my skin is heaven on earth. She is perfect, and I found perfectness.

There is only one problem.

She is not real.

--Untitled--

Can't let you go, not because I still have romantic feelings for you, but because you were a big part of who I am today. Losing you is tantamount to losing a big chunk of myself. Who am I today is partly an effect of what I've been through with you.

Your friendship is a thing I want back. That's the truth, nothing less and nothing more. No agenda, no conspiracy.

It may be hard and I may fail but this time it doesnt matter if I win or lose as long as I tried. I'm getting tired of me being your 3rd letter of the alphabet in reverse, and I assume that you too feel the same.

Dreamful Day

A tropical depression during summer? Wacky! - this is a fact not a dream!

Anyways, back to the dream. 

I was walking towards the airport entrance. Then suddenly out of nowhere, I see a lightning strike, and heard a booming sound. I was scared. Then I saw this dark swirling clouds and it became very dark. My id or a picture of me was swept away by the wind. I decided not to go with my flight and instead go home.

I was hopping from stone to stone because the roads are flooded.

Somehow I reached home. When I was there, Clyde wanted to borrow my ipod because he wants to play with it - in an arcade game with someone else's ipod. I said no. An unrecignized lady asked me to install some software on her ipad. I realized that her ipad version is 6, while my ipod version is 9. 

Then I was with Juvy, she said she is coming by May and would see us on the 15th because she only has a few days to stay and very busy. 

-and with most dreams it ended.

Friendster. Diary/Scrapbook/Social Networking. 2011

sky tol Jan 16, 2006 06:21 PM 

Kani c dwight,

 bwahahaha katawa nalang ko daan kay para seriousness na daun. Usa ka tao nga tinuod, kung imu cyang tan awon, naa cyay ulo, lawas ug nawng sa tao...heheheh. Btaw, he is a real person dili plastic (kaila man kaha mo ug plastic). Ang akong dili malimtan niya kay ang iyang pagka inosente (sa una rato noh! naka uyab na bya ni akong migo karon). Kung naa koy activity or contest sa una, mo tabang gyud ni cya nako (of course, g sweldohan mani nako...heheeh joke). Hantod karon, gamay ra ang iyang kausaban. formal na kunuhay ni cya kay naman c marites..mao ra to cya next time nalang ang uban....

Marianne Pepito Sep 25, 2005 09:43 PM 

hello dwight....hehehhehe...i knew dwight since highschool, childish kaayo and he still acts this way despite his age...but being that, i still love him that way, mabait na kaibigan..he'll gonna stick with u through thick & thin...that's why i treasured his friendship so much

 thanks dwight for being a friend to me, i'll always cherished the memories we shared way back in highschool... :)

 keep up...good bless

 always, 

marianne :)

Jo Alfafara-Fenton Sep 01, 2005 01:49 AM 

hajimemaste douzo yoroskio, dwite!!! he's a very nice jolly, easy to be with, super mabait? hehehhe mabait talaga. I personally knew him when we had our overnight gimmicks sa dalaguete...yah!!! bestfwen, kapatid, karamay, kasangga ni marites besin oi!!!! well, friendly kaayo ni cya and you will surely got a happy day when you had his company. Secret ni dwite kusog mohagok lyk pagovernyt namo wd matching do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do hehheeh. peace, dwite! thanks diay sa imo company and all the chikka to the max. hope to see u soon!

Easter dela Calzada May 22, 2005 12:04 PM 

Dwight, mysterious lagi kyo imo

 pic?Hehehehe....Haven't seen this pal

 for about 5 years after graduation from

 highschool.....as far as I can remember,

 he is about a few inch taller than me

 and he is a bit innocent at that

 time...Pero karon? grabeh nka

 Dwight...dili nka matuohan...what

 happened to yah....nagrabehan siguro ug

 tubo? or what? Heheheeh.....bitaw..so

 many things have changed since the time

 we separate ways...halos dili nko kaila

 nimo.....grabeh na kyo manulti as in

 murag 30 nay edad...heheeheh...joke

 only..."mura ra man".....but I think he

 has grown man enough to take

 responsibilites and challenges in

 life....basin managhan ug maayo imo uban

 ha!!!kalmahe lang.....peace bro.....I

 wish you all the luck and blessing of

 God....may he always be the light unto

 your path......basta ayaw lang gyud ko

 ug kalimti....panglibre baya gyud

 ha...i-aprove gyud ni kay kapoy ug

 type...ako sad testimonial ha....

khristianie lauta Feb 04, 2005 05:47 PM 

sun certified dwight... dugay nako 

wa kita aning tawhana. well, he's a 

very simple guy. malingaw ni cyag 

tanaw ug mga salida. dvds dvds... 

hehe. lingaw sad kaau ni cya mu 

sturya. fun fun. maau sad kau mu 

program. he's one of our mentors

 (oa ra ang term!?) sa PRISM/PAT. 

WARNING: muhilom jud ni cya kaau 

if gigutom. heheheheh dba? then 

after kaon, ok na, normal. hehehe 

ayoayo dwAyT

Les Reyes Jun 08, 2004 06:53 AM 

C Dwight member jud na sya sauna sa 7 

dwarfs back in high school. Pro karon 

taasa na niya uy!! Graduate pa jud sa 

UP COMSCI the best. I know this man 

will work it's way to the top soon. 

Just don't forget kon magVictory party 

ka Dwight invite batch '99 ha? Kay 

mokaon jud me'g daghan bahala na..... 

ayo2x

Web Tan Apr 12, 2004 03:27 AM 

Helpful kaayo ni cya nga pagkatao. 

Every questions nako about computers, 

iya jud tubagon maski nakulitan na na 

cya.Tnx Dwight! Ang kapait lang mabun-

 og ka ani nya kay carino brutal kaau ni 

cya. Heheh...:)

Maryan Grace Tizon Mar 23, 2004 01:00 AM 

i met dwight twice, but it is as if 

i've known him for years already. one 

of the nicest guy i've ever met..he 

even watched the sound of music with 

us during christmas day. =) i admire 

he's simplicity. 'yano kaayo ni na 

tao..lay labad. from what i know, 

bangiitan pod ni cya mu program.. =) 

dwight will go a long way...mga 

girls..he's such a good catch!! =)

Frank III Manuel Mar 22, 2004 02:37 PM 

si ian? Java certified!!! twin ni 

nako! same height, same weight, same 

dako'g kaon pero dili mu-tambok!!! 

ngano bitaw dwight noh? weird.. Kani 

siya, super bright but super humble. 

(see: java certified). kataw-an lang 

ang mga job interviews, salig nadawat 

sa epson!! wahahaha!!! lingaw pud ni 

siya nga person. lingaw i-pluck ang 

hairs. (hehehehehe) corny pud mu-joke 

and all. keep up, dwight! bangka jud 

when you're rich ha!! bantay!!

maLenSky abad Mar 18, 2004 12:02 AM 

c dwight??? ang lalaking cge lang 

magbuwa ang baba gawas ug masakit! 

vitamins nalay nagpadagans lawas!! 

nhehehhe kusog manggunit ug 

manghapak,kusog sad makiglalis. pero 

that's just dwight...that's part of the 

whole unique package, ang iyang 

pagkabrutal!! his goal in life is to 

marry someone from the province..kanang 

mailad niya ba. hehehe he's the type of 

guy whose life story could be sent 

to "maalaala mo kaya", about sa iyang 

pagbloom as a programmer. idol!!! pero 

one thing i've realized is that he's 

actually very funny n i'm very 

delighted that he's one of my friends. 

charness! (",)

Anne Pabroquiz Mar 07, 2004 01:46 AM 

Si dwight?!? I used to call him brutal 

coz he really holds u tightly..as 

in..kusog manghapak..I always remember 

times where we go to Ayala with JM and 

talk everything about life..bisan 

unsa..naa gani ni sila sabot ni JM na 

magkauyab..as in..he's a gud friend and 

i really admire him for passing the 

java certification...grabe..he's also 

funny to be with and kulit kaau..he's 

also one of my bestest male 

friends...Love u dwight!!! u

Juvy Sosmena Feb 22, 2004 09:22 PM 

The most down-to-earth person i have 

ever met. No egoistic attitude 

whatsoever. He's also a very good 

programmer. Not just good but DAMN 

GOOD!!!:) He's easy to get along with. 

A very good friend and will make a very 

good teacher. Nindot jud cya mo-

 teach 'coz makasabot dayon ka. He's 

lifelong dream is to have a baby by the 

age of 28, in whatever possible way. 

HAHAHa!!

Cecilia Tizon Nov 26, 2003 09:10 PM 

Dwight is one of those people you feel 

comfortable with right after the first 

meeting. He's a very down-to-earth 

person with no egotism whatsoever. 

Dwight laughs at the corniest jokes and 

is funny himself, although he doesn't 

intend to be sometimes (Ask him to 

switch mouse and he'll drop the monitor 

filter, hehe). He's also a darn good 

programmer and a really good buddy.

Broke 2.0

As always, the last post was me being broke, and now this post is me being broke again. It's no fun but I'm just going to write about it than stress myself out thinking how to get out of this self-recession.

Sweldo came in just now and I dutifully paid my 2 credit cards, and telephone bill. What's left is a number divided by 15 and the result? 300 pesos per day. What happened to the days I can incessantly go to the malls and watch movies, splurge on techy devices, eat anything I want. Now. Gone.

I miss those days I can just go anywhere else without worrying if I'm breaking my budget. I don't even worry about money - before! Now, I even caution myself not to go the malls because it is very easy to spend when you are surrounded by beautiful and yummy things. Sigh.

A part time job that is not so stressful and not so tasking is all I need to correct this budget deficit I am currently encountering. But what part time job will make me at least 3000 a month? I can go for online work but I'm not quite sure what type of services I can offer, like web programming or anything.

Maybe on the next sweldo I can breathe a little more than this month because finally I already paid my 20k PC purchase last February. I hope so, or I'll be dammed.

Broke

I realize that Im always broke nowadays. From the moment I stopped earning extra from my part time job last January, I now feel the pinch. Im always out of money and my supposedly "savings" account that is for savings (duh?!) and insurance money is continually being used as an emergency fund. This is definitely not a good sign of financial health.

My current job pays decent. I just got a raise but Im not feeling the effect because I opted to have 10% of my earnings go automatically to a fund. I cant get out of it yet or I can resign and get my money -but that's a decision I will not make soon.

How about finding another part time job? This always comes to mind, but I dont know, I dont have the energy to pursue finding one. Im not thrilled to do web developing too- I just want to sleep and travel and be out under the sun.

The travels, I agree I had many and its just half of the year! But to make it clear, those travels are comparably cheap than the travels I've had in the past. They are all within Cebu province and one Bohol-but even that Bohol trip is budget friendly so to speak.

Gadgets. Let me think, the last one that broke my wallet is my 20k desktop PC. But it's worth it because I'm using it as my work PC at home, which currently is just my downloading station and social networking pc.

I totally hate being in this state of money-less. Its sad to note that money literally is a figure of speech and that you only see it but not feel it.

Money money money in a poor man's world - is indeed a treasure and by treasure I mean rare.

Uninspired

It is the lenten season. Four days of weekend. 

Times have changed, when I was a kid, I remember being told not to get out of the house because the "hudeyos" will come and get kids. There is also caution on being wounded because it will not heal. Binignit is cooked after hearing the 7 last words of Jesus. And most of all no more bathing after 3pm on Good Friday.

Stores were closed and there is little to no programming on tv and radios - or if there were only those of religious nature.

Now? Some stations offer reruns of their soap operas and or movies that doesnt really fit "religious". The entertainment variety show arm of the networks are in day off because most of their actors and actresses are lounging in the beach or outside the country for their much needed beauty vacations. Binignit is still cooked though and most malls offer half-day to no work on some days.

For the common household like ours, the internet is at its peak of use. With all the members of the family at home, bandwidth is at an all time high. There is only an occassional lull moment but it is a far cry from the nothing-todo era of the bygone decades.

Like Christmas, I've lost the feeling of the Lenten season- it just become another holiday that gives us a couple of extra days away from work. I would like to do some religious activity but my cousins are not "game" and it is tiring to just go to a religious place alone without transportation.

I wonder what it might have been years ago in the time of my grandparents where tv and the internet is virtually non existent. How would they spend the days, those very hot summer days?

It is a question some can answer because they still have their grandparents to ask, but for me it would be forever a question.

2 Million Madness

Our company is having this novel idea of raffling (is this a valid word?) 2 million pesos (1.4 million after taxes). Did you miss that? Yeah, 2 million!

I know, crazy right?

Well for me it is. From the very first time I heard the ruckus, I kind of felt shaken and not a good kind of shake. Outright let me say, management is just being lazy with this gimmick!

What would I do if I win this prize? Technically I'm not yet part of the 1st draw this June due to the rule that states "at least one year of service". Anyways, if in the succeeding draws I will win, it would be goodbye company N. Yes, no hesitation, I would take it as a sign from above that its time to move on.

Why such negative feedback to this?
Many. For one the company has 4 million worth of money they can't even sponsor pity (as they say) allowances like a rice, grocery, project allowances that employees can readily consume. Yes the intended purpose of the amount is for the lucky winner can jumpstart owning a house and lot or car.

Yes (count the number of Yeses on this entry, it may reach 2 million, wahahah) they say that salaries are now competitive based on performance and that these pity allowances are now part of the "re-aligned" pay. Im not really sold. But that's beside the point, 4 million a year (divided by approx 500 employees) can do so much to uplift the spirits of a lowly software engineer.

This is just my opinion. Im not protesting because management has already explained the purpose of this "loyalty" program. 

As I said I think they're just being lazy. Period.

Chat Room

I've been very talkative lately. Ok, to those officemate(s) who will ultimately read this - I'm not the quite person I was when I was newly hired, I admit Im a talker so can we get past that?

It's guilt free, I was doing these pseudo-documentation for my upcoming development, and honestly it doesn't in itself interest me to just sit down and read them and edit them and reread them. Im not that kind of person. Im not a reader, Im a talker. But it's not the case that I ignore them, I do finish them and ask guidance from my manager who by the way is halfway around the world, which means if I send email the reply would be 12 hrs later which translates to "tomorrow".

Also it's guilt free because I am ftp-uploading this gargantuous VM Image file which takes forever.

Reasons. I have many. But the chatter lately is because the topic is so close to the heart, talk about life (love, family, s*x), work, aspirations and dreams. Not to mention occasional topic of places I would like to visit one day.

I know I am paid to work. And it isn't like Im not working, I am.
But Im just slacking a bit and then back to serious work when all these frustrations (not job related) are shared and my mind is clear.

A Note on Death

Another day to live, to some of us today is an ordinary day. But to the old, to the sickly to those with terminal illness, waking up alive today is another miracle of life.

Somewhere someone celebrates life! A birth of a new baby, a chance of second life, a cure of a disease, a food on their plates. But somewhere someone also grieve for a dear one's life lost.

Death does not follow a pre determined state, and almost always catches us by surprise! It doesnt always follow a predictable path.

I've known a few that bit the dust too soon and unexpectedly. There's my cousin who was shot dead. My uncle who unexpectedly died on his sleep. My other uncle who succumbed to an unknown illness.

That is why I remember a few years back, I promised myself to live life to the most extent that I possibly can. To live by not just breathing but making each breathing moment count.

To live without regret, to always learn and never stop learning. To touch other's lives. To explore the world and not just see it but live it.

Fairytale

Im in a pool
A frog you must kiss
I may not turn out to the the handsome prince
But let me promise you this, you will be
My one and only princess

I may not have a horse
Or carry a sword
That will protect you from the witch
But let me promise you this, I will be
The one to kiss you when you fall into a deep sleep

Out of the billion
You are my only maiden
That can fill this shoe
You left when we danced
When we danced in the rain

I may not come from a ship
That makes you wish you have feet
My love is as big as the ocean
Let me give up my breath
To be with you beneath

Long hair, red hood, skin white as snow
Doesn't really matter
For they are just skin deep that time can erase

A horse or a noble steed
I have not
Even chariots, or cars I can't even rent
But let me promise you this, we can travel
Together holding hands as long as we have each other

How May Times Will It Take?

My intentions are good

But why do it translates to nothingness?

Can I go back

To the moment before I even tried?

Now Im carrying the weight

And I cant barely hold it up

Atlas must felt the same

Holding the sky away from the sand

Should accept that sometimes

The truth hurts, and hurts deep

Cause it may take a hundred lifetimes

For me to finally get it right

Should have get wiser

From each moment that life

Turns to a diffent cheek

But no, sometimes wrong is an adrenaline rush

So the last thing that I can speak

To you that cares

Is a simple sorry

That even me sometimes can't take

Uncertain

How can I go
When my thoughts are peg
On you?

How can I move on
When my inspiration is
Still you?

Can't I run
Away from your shadow
For maybe just awhile
Without losing breath?

Can't I live a day
Without you in my thoughts
That hours seems to stand still
Where every second pierces my health?

Is it really you?
Or am I just imaging an us
Maybe the reality is
You, me but not we