So It Has Came To This

That I will spend the next year here. June ends today and six(6) days from now marks my one month of being officially jobless (make it 2 months if we'll count the unofficial start).

I am still waiting for a sign that something will change and will make me rethink about my decision. But time is passing by, cash flow is literally non flowing and I'm getting bored and accustomed to the "tambay" lifestyle.

So I will try to finish the test, submit it and wait for evaluation.
Maybe wait for the week (maximum of one more week) to wait for some calls from other companies that I tried to apply to.

After that, depending on the results it's either I'm off to other lands or I will be here in this full-time job as technical staff for a technology incubator facility.

Just like getting back in school, it's time to improve and study for the next chapter ahead.

Axed

I have no work.

Correction, I have no "full-time" work as of the moment. My stint at Playtech was cut short because they will be closing this year and they are "releasing" employees by batch at a time. And yes I was included in the first batch to get the ax.

It was sad, I will not deny it.

For the most part of my "career" I always see to it that I am "safe" on my job since I don't like to be dependent on someone else for my needs. But sometimes (this time-my first time) life/destiny/the universe just conspires against me (or in some dramatic explanation conspires for me...whatever) and I can do nothing about it.

But I can do something.

For me, I paid my insurance for this year with the money I got as severance fee. And a few trips to some places (smiles a great deal).

And yes it motivates me on some degree knowing that I need to find a job soon and quick.

Looking at this event in retrospect made me feel that I've been complacent this past year when it comes to my skill in programming and this is a loud wakeup call to straighten my act.

It's sad to note that I've let myself be left behind.

Well the first way to recovery is to know that there is something wrong, and I know now. I'm on my road to recovery.

FULL SAIL AHEAD.

Moving On

The time has come for me to move on. Yes, it is a choice that I have to make for me. No more annoying delays and irrelevant debacle. Is it easy? The short answer is...no.

For sometime now I was content of mediocrity. And yet day by day mediocracy degrades to ineptness and results to emptiness. A sad life is what you get when you let these things unto you.

But for a moment I enjoyed it.
But that moment did not last long.

So here I am looking ahead. Looking far out into the future, my mind imagining things. Yet I'm still here and reality knocks on me to move, little baby steps, as long as it is constant, soon will get momentum and hope to be in a place and position where I wanted to be.

When I get into difficulties ahead, I draw my strength from my family and my God to always guide me and lead me to the right and rewarding path.

To the future success because there is no other choice.

It's Not About What I Want, It's What I Need

For the previous two weekends I've been lingering in the beaches, caves and swimming pools. Perfect getaways I so longed for in awhile now.

I got sunburn from exposing myself whole day and applying sunblock only once. A nose gash from diving in a shallow pool- yep it hurts. Of course a hundred photographs of what I did, where I was and who Im with - for posterity.

Anyways I'm still far from saying it done.

But I've got a problem, what will I do to engage myself in working on this project that I'm supposed to deliver by mid-May? I've got about 2 weekends to finished it or at least to start it and currently Im still halfway studying the book.

Im frustrated at myself.

Guess I need to find something reasonable to drive myself in reading that 800+ page book and start coding and testing...(blahblah)

I need to stop playing Plants vs. Zombies I guess.Oops.

Do More

Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work.

by: William Arthur Ward

The Bad Example

Wow, it's been a while since I last posted something here.

Anyways, it's 2010 (I know its too late for this news)! I must say there are many things that had and may happen this year and it excites me!

Let me first say that I "finished" education. The last of the series, Early Childhood Education went by and I must say I know now what level of education I may venture in the near future (as means of business and not as an employee of some school, talk about being entrepreneurial). The finished is in quotes because technically I'm not a Diploma holder yet, I have to take the speech classes and also do Practicum. I've decided that I don't have the finances anymore to continue and will delay taking those.

Next up is the upcoming trips I will take for 2010. I must say I got excited with the promos and the thrill that I may have booked myself too much. First off is on May, where a friend of mine invited me to Bohol to experience Zip Line. I am scared of heights! And to tell you frankly I don't know if I may chicken out right on the spot when I see the actual place, and owh they also have this "Plunge" its like bungee jumping - and I got myself to try it too (crazy me - safety first children)!

June is when I fly to Manila to fly to Kalibo and drive to Caticlan and swim and enjoy Boracay! And yes, it was because of the PAL promo that I jumped into the bandwagon of my former office-mates in Manila when they invited me if I will go with them. Did I pointed out that I will also be absent from work by then (we booked June 21 which is a Monday- the good employee)?

This last one in August is for me a nice bonding moment with my sister. See my sister had not yet been in Manila, so because PAL (yes, the same promo I booked for Boracay) has this incredible rate of only 1500PHP vis-a-vis fare I couldn't resist but to invite her to see Manila-and also Baguio for herself. So I planned our itinerary and the one thing I could only share is that we will be sleeping on the bus for 2 nights (the 6 or so hours travel from MNL to Baguio)! I hope she will be ok with this-we don't have much time and budget to stay on a hotel or inn.

That's about it! Now when I'm all settled, I realized I need cash! And lots of them!
Time to seriously take that part time job.

Songs from Early Childhood Education

It's A Sunny, Rainy Happy Day

When it's a sunny day what do you see
The big bright sun, shining down on you and me
It's a sunny day, it's a sunny day
It's a sunny and happy day


When it's a rainy day what do you hear
The cool rain drops falling down on you and me
It's a rainy day, it's day
It's a rainy and happy day

I'm happy with the sun
I'm happy with the rain
I'm happy with the sun
I'm happy with the rain

So thank thank you lord
For sunny rainy happy day
For sunny rainy happy day
For sunny rainy happy day


We're Here Together Again

We're Here Together Again
We're here
We're here

We're Here Together Again
We're here
We're here

Who knows when will be here together again
Singing here together again
We're here

I Hate It when They Don't Mean What They Teach

They have the guts to teach us that it is important to have a low ratio of teacher to students in order to have an effective teaching
And yet today, our class skyrocketed to 60.

They have the guts to teach us what an effective room is.
And yet here we are, sardine packed in this hot, sometimes noisy room (it is behind the school's stage where programs of the CWTS are being held).

And yes they say that a teacher is a "holy" vocation/profession.
And yet they commit "unholy" acts, and is shameless about it.

What a great way to build a nation.

How Can They Stomach This?

It's nice to help.
There's nothing wrong when you extend help to your community.
It is a Christian thing to do.

But...
Is it still a Christian thing to do when you help, and you expect something in return?
Is it still virtuous to use the cloak of charity as means to evade your social responsibility of paying your taxes?

I think not.

How can some people make better profits out of the misery of others?
How can some people use other people's time, those who genuinely wanted to help?
How can a good gesture be good when it is rooted on an evil thought?

Money can't buy happiness.
Money can't be brought to our graves.
Money can't buy you a place in the afterlife.

Friday the 13th

Nothing scary happened.

Today is all about work. The last day of the week where all that can go possibly wrong went wrong. I cannot speak much of the trouble my higher-ups had undergone as I am not directly responsible (though affected) to fix some source code mess.

But I have my own mess, it's boring to tell it here all over again, but in a nutshell it's like going back home when you are already halfway to your destination because you forgot something important. It happened not just once, but a couple of times. It was and currently is exhausting.

Good that nothing of the supernatural kind of things occurred.

Fire

While taking my dinner break, I was startled when one of my office-mates yelled, "There's fire!" (of course in the vernacular). Because I am seated near the window, I quickly stood up and peek through and saw this glowing orange flame not so far. Many of my office-mates already crowding the window to take a look at the blaze, hypothesizing where the exact location of the fire is. I can also hear the siren from firetrucks as they rush to the burning houses.

Ashes. Maybe some charred debris. That's all what's left to the houses consumed by the fire. It's November and the cold wind of Christmas is being felt. How can those whose houses were destroyed continue to celebrate the coming season? How can they face another morning knowing that their homes are no more?

The clock stroked 9:00 and I have to go home - a place where many have just lost.

Me: Worrier

Now I found out why I'm such a worrier. It's in the genes.
Even though I tried as hard as I can not to worry, I worry. I worry even in my sleep, it creeps to me like water on sponge.

Through the years though I have attempted and guessed triumph over worrying too much by taking risks, moving away from my home, a side trip to another career that is something new and unexpected of me, being literally in some place new. Those things I've done introduces to so much uncertainty that my mind just shuts up because it cannot calculate and analyze each and every possibilities, I know it sounds ridiculous but looking in retrospect it holds some truth. Being away from my comfort zone made me more spontaneous and a little less worried.

Being back to a comfortable place makes me worry, in an ironic sense. I worry because I have nothing to worry about. I worry about small insignificant details that I shouldn't need to worry about, I worry about things that though I am involved can't do anything about it and worrying just makes no sense, I know that I should not worry, but here I am worrying.

Remember when I said that it's genetic? Yes, it is. I think I got t from my father's side. Well to give you a short glimpse, my father is currently not well because he was recently diagnosed with an enlarged heart. In the stories that I've heard when he talks to my aunt (who accompanies him to hospital and doctor visits) I knew that he worries a lot, and I mean a whole lot.

I'm worried by my father's health and more on his mental health (he is not taking his illness well).
I'm worried by my own health and job insecurities (you've read about it here and there's no need to discuss).
I'm worried that all will be lost.

So help me God.

Slums

If I will rate myself to what level of *success* I am right now I may have to say I am not anywhere near where I wanted to be (oowwh this will be another ranting).

And yes it was my decision to be back in Cebu.
And yes it was my decision to quit my part time job.
And yes it was my decision to not complete yet my practicum.
And yes it was my decision to (blah blah blah...)...

The universe is conspiring against me, it's like time is ticking away faster than I can make use of it. Like trying to hold on to sand, you just can't because it slips right through your hands, the more I grip, the faster it escapes.

Where did I get off my tracks? At what point did it happened? Or is this a cumulative result of the small bad decisions I made along the way? Maybe. Part of it I can blame because of health. I did some decisions because of health reasons. But having more time to relax - still I got sick, sicker than ever, when will I ever be given a break? I try earnestly to be as healthy as I can, not drinking, not smoking, not even partying- I choose to skip these activities to at least live a day not worrying if I'm too skinny or too fragile.

Is there redemption for me before this year ends? This year started off just right, no, this year started great! But now it will end with a whimper than with a bang!

I still hope not.

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And never bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!
press PLAY >

27

Today Im turning 27, 10 years since highschool, 6 years since college, 5 years working.

The younger version of me would have never guessed what Im doing with my life or how I turned out to be. When I was in my teens and early twenties I always thought that I will be having a family of my own when I reach 25 (which many of my friends knew). But here I am 2 years after the 'deadline' still single, not committed and in the wild so to speak.

Im always finding ways to improve myself (maybe not physically...), I try not to be bound in my comfort zone, I try to always think out of the box, do adventure and experience life, seeing new places and meeting new friends.And yet I always find myself thinking, am I a good son? The answer is maybe, it is a hard question to answer and can only be answered when Im dead, maybe in my eulogy.

As I have written a year ago, my saddest birthday, now that I'm 27 - no more celebration (the food, party stuff). Starting with this birthday I will go to church and thank the lord for giving me another year to grow, maybe treat myself a good lunch or dinner, reply to those who will greet me and that's it, I will call it a day. I have other things in mind - but it is exclusively void of any celebration with many people.

And yes, I am not that scared back then when I was 25 and I asked myself what will I be, right now Im pretty confident that I can be something of some use soon. I will not rush life, but take it a step at a time. As I am getting older (more mature?) I realize that life is a one pass cannot-be-rewind event, so I have to carefully live as what I'd like to live to minimize regrets.

I would like to grab this opportunity to thank those who remembered. :D

Relieved. Relive. Relief

It's finally over!

Another milestone has finished and I'm giving myself a pat in the back for making it. And yet, why do I feel uncertain about the future? Why do I love to be back to the "state" where I previously been? Was it a wrong decision I'd made?

Only the future knows.

But for the moment I'm euphoric for having made it to this point, and it is enough to not think of the worries. I can honestly say that the 21 year old me would have not believed (after 6 years) that I'm here and not over there (to where I imagined myself years ago).

Questions surrounds me more than answers, and life has to go forward. It's not about meticulously planning your life that matters most (in my opinion) but how you react to what's going on in your life that matters most.

I'm relieved that I made something out of my time, my talents and skills.
I'm relieved that I am a part of the society, and not a menace to society.
I'm relieved that I can still do the the things I wanted to do, despite the limitations to which Im currently bound.
I'm relieved that I have true friends.

It always puts a smile on my face whenever I look back, reliving the memories of the not so distant past.

Reliving the memories of my childhood, I can recall that my first memory was when I was 4 years old because I wanted to go with my mother to the baptism of my younger sister.

Reliving the memories when I first went to kindergarten II and crying over to my lolo because I was shy to go inside the classroom.

Reliving the memories of my elementary years where, I am the key holder because I'm always the first one to arrive and maybe a teacher's pet (as some of my classmates zealously accused me of). And that tragic day when I was fooled into turning over the proceeds of the canteen's basket, when 2 kids persuaded me to give them the money because they will be the one to give it to the canteen. That is my first taste of how evil some people are. When I lost a textbook and was afraid to face my grade 4 school teacher. When in Grade 4 I was considered as a fast reader and was the tutor of my other classmates who can't barely read. When in Grade 6, I got the highest NEAT score in my section.

Reliving the memories of my high school years where there was an awkward time meet new friends. When I was part of the top 10 in the first grading and was so proud of it. When hormonal changes, changed the way I looked, my voice, my whole being. When ignorance innocence left me. When some deaths of close family, you value life. When you falll in love but is too young for it. When finally, after you've settled and have your friends, then you know that you'll have to part ways and start a yet new beginning in college.


Reliving the memories of college, and the crazy things I've done. Again meeting new friends, this time though these people have a circle of friends already and it's a bit harder to get into that circle. College life for me is the most challenging since you have this notion that after this hurdle, life is a breeze when you are working on a job in line with what you are studying, but life takes turns not that you know of at that moment.

And finally it is a relief that I'm still here, with all those experiences I've undergone in my life. It really is a blessing on how you've survived and still surviving.
It is a relief that my family is still here.
It is a relief that my friends are still here.
It is a relief that I still find my purpose.
It is a relief that I'm growing mature and not just growing old.

It is a relief that God is still with me.

SpEd 605 Teaching the Hearing Impaired

Our instructor Mr. Acuna coaching us on how to interpret the song "You" by the Carpenters. The week after next we will be having our first song interpretation exam.

Can You Imagine Me Singing and Dancing to This Tune???

hehee, Can you imagine me singing and dancing to this tune?

listen to the song the interesting part starts at 01:23 minutes into the song...

Track 3 - Unknown Artist

Let's Start from Here

Let's Start From Here English - Joanna Wang
FREE MP3 DOWNLOADS @ MP3-CODES.COM

Because Sometimes ... And Yet You Don't

Because sometimes
We are just so near
And yet you dont

Because sometimes
We are side by side
And yet you dont

Because sometimes
We are face to face
And yet you dont