The Non-Temporary Type of Happiness

Its been so long since my last relationship that I dont know how to exactly feel in love. I am known as a happy go lucky person with a "for friendship" aura all over. Most people misjudge me for being flirty because I easily get "close" to girls. Simplest explanation is that Im not threatening and is overtly friendly its ridiculous. Romantic? Not really. Not that kind.

Im the kind of person that has to be well known before being liked romantically - I would like to believe. Im not Piolo Pascual material to be loved at first sight. It needs many sights and good attitude to really say "I love this person". In short Im far from being the Adonis or Machete kind of guy. Enough of this self pity because the genes that decided to form me was already finalized a long time ago - it is useless to rant.

What's good about being in a new place is that you totally can be a new person if you want. You can change who you are. There is no one who knew you. But it is really easy to be just yourself. Some people will like you and some will not. Some you will like and some you wont. A few you want to know better.

My radar to sense if someone likes me more than friendship maybe flawed because it has been useless for years! I've been using the "all of them are friends" filter and along with some morality clause should not try to have (for the lack of a better term) sexual inuendos. I can proudly say that I have been sticking to this routine for a long time now and Im trying to break away from it. If only it can be that easy.

So I am here, myself confused on how to proceed with breaking this habit of harboring friends. I dont need more friends, I need someone to be with my side (in any direction) to fill some void here (pointing to my heart). Is this possible? Maybe I need courage as someone I respect pointed out to me that I am just scared. Yes I admit I am scared because I dont find satisfaction in having a non relationship sort of (bodily) happiness.

How long will I act on this? I really do not know the answer. Maybe soon, my friends tell me sooner and my heart tells me ASAP!