Fairytale

Im in a pool
A frog you must kiss
I may not turn out to the the handsome prince
But let me promise you this, you will be
My one and only princess

I may not have a horse
Or carry a sword
That will protect you from the witch
But let me promise you this, I will be
The one to kiss you when you fall into a deep sleep

Out of the billion
You are my only maiden
That can fill this shoe
You left when we danced
When we danced in the rain

I may not come from a ship
That makes you wish you have feet
My love is as big as the ocean
Let me give up my breath
To be with you beneath

Long hair, red hood, skin white as snow
Doesn't really matter
For they are just skin deep that time can erase

A horse or a noble steed
I have not
Even chariots, or cars I can't even rent
But let me promise you this, we can travel
Together holding hands as long as we have each other

How May Times Will It Take?

My intentions are good

But why do it translates to nothingness?

Can I go back

To the moment before I even tried?

Now Im carrying the weight

And I cant barely hold it up

Atlas must felt the same

Holding the sky away from the sand

Should accept that sometimes

The truth hurts, and hurts deep

Cause it may take a hundred lifetimes

For me to finally get it right

Should have get wiser

From each moment that life

Turns to a diffent cheek

But no, sometimes wrong is an adrenaline rush

So the last thing that I can speak

To you that cares

Is a simple sorry

That even me sometimes can't take

Uncertain

How can I go
When my thoughts are peg
On you?

How can I move on
When my inspiration is
Still you?

Can't I run
Away from your shadow
For maybe just awhile
Without losing breath?

Can't I live a day
Without you in my thoughts
That hours seems to stand still
Where every second pierces my health?

Is it really you?
Or am I just imaging an us
Maybe the reality is
You, me but not we

Conspicuous Theory

To say the obvious is an insult to the senses. We are given the faculties of sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste for a reason! That is to USE them.
Like many things unused (examples: appendix, body hairs, wisdom teeth), it is either shrunk, or totally erased in the next iteration of homo sapiens species.

Sometimes I wonder if people use a fare share of the brain power that's been alloted by nature in which they can tap into. Aha! There are times they don't because they let some blood pumping organ do the thinking that's supposed to be done by the neuron-rich member.

Common sense is after all not that common they should be renamed as uncommon sense for those people.

I'm just disappointed because I for one is guilty of not using the common sense that I've been blabbering about. Sometimes I just like to ask and ask unintelligently. It's a part of my charms. But not all the time. Not always. Not in a life-and-death situation. Not in a defining moment of your life or your career. Not in time of making friendships and building teamwork. There are limits. Boundaries. Line.

To end, choose wisely. Don't get carried away by that sudden rise of emotion that shows physically either as a rosy cheek or a tear. You have other faculties you need to take into account rather than that raw feeling that most if not all the time you will regret. Don't be stupid, or more aptly don't be stupid MOST of the time.

Wish That I Can Honestly Say "I Love You Too

Because it will make the world a better place for you and probably for me too.
Because if that happens all the searching will finally end.
Because when that time comes forever will not be enough.

If I am just being stubborn right now, I wish it would go away.
If I am just blind right now, I wish I will see the light.
If I am just lost, I wish I find the way.
Because if in the future I am destined to be with you and you are gone forever and will never be mine, the universe should be ready for my wrath.

I honestly pray that you will find the one. Right now its not me. If in the future it "may" be me and you are with someone else, read above.

If you are hurt by me, I am more hurt because what kind of person would like to inflict hurt to others? Unless they are enemies, but we are NOT enemies, though right now we are neither friends.

It pains me to know I'm the cause of your pain.
That shouldn't be.
If that's the case then we should probably stop trying to be friends again.
Treat me as your foe.
Hate me. 

No! I take that "hate me" phrase back.
You should not hate me because you will still care.
Just altogether ignore and don't care my existence, my presence, me being here.
Let me be extinct in your world.

I am an optimist.
Time heals all wounds and recovers the wounded.
Everything has its time and I deeply pray to my God that one day you will truly forgive me.
And that one day I will forgive myself.

March Madness

I'm still sane, don't worry. All faculties checked.

What I'm referring to is the calamity that has happened recently in Japan. That 9.0 magnitude earthquake followed by the tsunami that leveled many towns and that nuclear reactor melting down is sort of maddening. Is the world ending. I don't like to think so.

I wanted to live. Live like until I'm 80 or so. Live to see what the world becomes in 2060's. Are there still computers like we have today or will they be in a new "form"? What would be the killer "app" by then? Will there be a first step on Mars? Things like this makes me want to live longer.

 Right now, it seems that the world has many incidents of earthquakes, tsunamis, glacial melting, volcanoes erupting - but according to one online article I read, thats not true. The earth just had "average" occurrences of those events, the problem is that many people are living on these zones that's why the increase in damage. Also that we are now so connected that what happens to an individual who has a twitter account will quickly update their twitter accounts and let know the world.

We should take care of our environment, it's ailing and  it needs our help. We should be responsible for each other and that we may pass this Earth to our future generation in a "livable" state. 

Manila, Manila, I keep Coming Back To Manila

The song is in my head! And yes I’m coming back to Manila albeit only for a very short vacation starting this Friday until Sunday! Wohooo!

I planned this trip with my sister last year but had to cancel because the holiday was cancelled by our ever dearest new president Abnoy (oopss, Noynoy I mean).

Aside from my sister I am also with my SpEd classmates but they will be going there earlier than me, we will just meet there when I’m there.

It’s been almost a year since I was in Manila. The last time was last June when I went to Bora and had an extra day to stay. I miss living in Manila, I’m not like everybody else that loathes it. I actually love the place, but not as much as I love my own Cebu City.

Itinerary includes: Ocean Park and EK. Although I’ve been there I’m still thrilled to go there again. I’m sure I’m going to ride the MRT (I miss the MRT) and go to the malls.

Even though it is just a short stay, it’s enough to quench my Manila thirst.

Stuck in a Moment

It’s been a month since I am on this state, “limbo”-like, though I’ve never been to limbo, but I guess limbo is like this. You await for something, knowing that you are waiting for something yet you must do something before that something you await comes… – confusing? My point exactly!

I thought that finally I can stay put on someplace – this place – yet I’m already thinking otherwise.

It’s just some feeling though, I’m not finalizing it yet, and if there’s anything I’ve learned from the past is to NOT be compulsive about my actions and decisions. I promise to myself that I will study and learn as much as I can and weigh the pros and cons of the situation before I make any decisions.

For now I guess I’m just tired of the “beach” outing last weekend that I’m just so low in energy.

The 3am Blog

Ok so I'm awake this very early, and it is not December for the Misa de Gallo, it is for the beach! Yes the beach, I always wanted to go but because of the weather, the crazy weather, I didn't, but now? Yes!

To what beach? Bantayan island. The last time I was there was like ages ago back in 2005. As I remembered it, it was a beautiful white sandy beach.

I don't know how to swim, but I like to just be on the shoreline watching the waves, the beauty of nature including those that walks. I like to be on the beach because it pauses time away from the razzle dazzle of city life.

I've been standing here and being bitten by mosquitos bit by bit waiting for my ride, where are you newfound acquintance?

So excited already, my camera's gonna love the love!

Road Block

I am currently in a roadblock. I don’t know where to turn or if I should move in the first place. I’m imagining myself to just be out of my body and see the other side (no! not die but just see the other side). Am I waiting for a good outcome or is waiting a bad idea? My instincts tell me to just do what I can do to get out from this situation and face the consequences of my actions good or bad, and just charge it to experience.

On the other hand, waiting does pose the same amount of risk and consequences as moving.

I’m on the move, so wish me good luck!

Windows Phone 7 “Atatness”

I know this feeling
The rush and excite it brings
For I know that I wanted
And I wanted it dear

Download increased my thrill
For it is slow as a snail
How can I progress
When the progress bar does not increase?

I already downloaded
Lots of references and
Tutorials, videos, blogs
Name it and its already embedded

Can’t wait for this night
Should post a thing from the emulator
That will make known to the world
Windows Phone is not yet over.

Email Phobia

Recently I noticed that I hate opening my emails, like Yahoo and even my own corporate email account which is one of the first applications I open when I turn-on my office workstation. It’s like I’m afraid that it brings only bad news. I hate bad news, who doesn’t right?

The Truth.

The reason that I hate opening Yahoo emails is that it is the email account where I can be reached by my previous part time job. You see I left it hanging, my status with them, and I have some serious issues to make-up that I don’t have the courage to face them yet. I know it’s kind of cowardly and running away from the problem instead of facing it. The problem is that it’s dragging on and I want to let go, but I’m stuck.

Karma.

Like a chain, now I feel a little mortified when I’m about to open my corporate account. For it feels that at any moment I will be reprimanded and it will completely ruin my day. Specially on Tuesdays when we had this weekly meetings about status and progress.

I know the time to face my problem is getting nearer and nearer and I have no other option but to face them head on.

Is there a safety helmet designed for such “incidents”? I need a hard one, I’m afraid for my life.

Slingshot Effect

This concept has been used for ages by those people that design spaceships. Instead of burning fuel to reach a destination let’s say another planet, they use a neat trick by making the probe (or whatever space ship) build momentum by circling another celestial body (like the moon) then because of whatever force will “slingshot” the ship to its destination, less fuel more efficient.

But this blog is not about physics or astronomy. This is about, just a piece of my thinking.

In the early days, like 7 years ago, I was like burning to get into a destination. With so much to prove and idealism to fuel those dreams, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I’ll get there, albeit worn out and jaded.

But, I did get there. Jaded. A little bit. Ok, more than a little bit.

And as a promise to myself, or to learn from the experience, I said “I would never do that again…”.

So passed the years that I’m just an Earth-bound satellite, never really excelling, just not high enough to escape Earth’s gravity.

And yet, I get tired of being mediocre all the time. I miss the challenge. I miss the fire.

I did not know when it started, but I’m actually accelerating. Will I let myself to get burnt out this time or will I use the slingshot effect? The latter is promising but I need a lot of math instead of just raw desires, and math in this case is strategy.

And today, I’m expecting a lot of bad news. Maybe I will get scolded, or embarrassed or ridiculed. I don’t know. I don’t really know. But this is the feeling that made me realize I’m stepping out of my comfort zone again. To take on new challenges. To take on new responsibilities. To breath a new meaning to this life.

For this renewed ties to myself I say, “Bon Voyage!”

The Dreams

1st Episode: The Taxi Ride

I was travelling by plane, when it landed I hop into a taxi. The taxi driver said that some routes are closed and we need to go the other way. He told me that I can borrow his bicycle so that I can go to my destination faster. I complied and carried some sort of package and cycle my way to my friend's house. 

When I arrived at her place, she asked "Where is your bag? Did you get the plate number of the taxi?",that's when I realized that I did not take note of the number. I felt desperate and stupid because I left my things there. My friend texted my number as to our location and hoping that the taxi driver will deliver my things.

After some moment, the taxi arrived and the good samaritan driver returned my things. I felt relieved and woke up.

2nd Episode: Rain and Singing Cat

My friend invited me to her wedding anniversary. I was in a yellow shorts and white t-shirt and carried an extra yellow shirt. When I arrived at the place and tried to wear the yellow shirt I felt off and decided I should wear something more formal and decided to go back home and change. 

On my way, heavy rains fell and I was soaked. I find shelter in a store with a transparent wall (I think it was glass/window shield). Another friend of mind mine with her boyfriend riding a jeepney, passes me by and upon seeing me laughed hard. 

The rain stopped and I decided to just walk home since it is near. The "trisikad" driver tells told me to go to the other side of the road since they are not allowed to take passengers on where I was standing.

When I was about to sit on the "trisikad" I saw three (3) common pets yet are strange. 

The first I recognized was a very fat cat sleeping. The next thing I notice is the puppy which is playing on the seats, the puppy looks like a stuffed toy and not real. The strangest of them all is the singing cat that has a body of a bee. "Hey Ya" is the song it is repeating as I remembered. Another strange thing about the cat is that its body can be folded like an envelop. 

A man said that these pets are trained. Also they are being "lent" from somewhere and they teach them new tricks as to improve and add more to their skills.

I look up the sky, it was dark and full of brightly shining stars.

Heartful

Yes, it's obvious that I am not fond of the V day.
It's one of those days that I really hate, actually not hate -it's such a strong word, maybe just dislike.

Think of it, suddenly the world is Full of Love! Eeky. Wherever you turn you see hearts. Bread shaped like hearts, table mats cutouts of hearts, lovesongs over the air, I predict heart contact lenses this year.

Business is booming especially those that sells flowers- the other season where flowers are in demand comes 9 months after, All Saints/Souls Day. Hotels, motels, pension houses, cottages, parks, vacant lots are teeming with couples expressing their "love" for each other by exchanging bodily fluids. 

Everybody is such in a loving mode but not so much love that it's zero crime, only a Pacquiao match can do that, that you feel the world is on a better place even for just a day.

The only thing I like about V day is the romantic themed movies, studios local or international, are releasing. It's a guilt free pleasure to just watch those films and just forget your problems, be it a problem of the heart but seriously the head gets all the problems.

Anyways, Feb 14 has become embedded in our culture that it really is useless to rant against it -better why not enjoy it. And this year it would be spent with my 2 little angels.

Weddings

In my age, most of my colleagues and friends are either hitched or have trophies (slang for babies). I have none (fortunately or unfortunately, it's too early to tell).

#this is a shoutout

The Day Mini Died

I'm still on the denial stage.

I'm still hoping that she can be revived.
I shouldn't have used her like that.
I'm an abusive person.
Making her work overnight, even when I know she is not alright.

I know something's wrong when she makes those 'clicking' sounds.
I know something's going to be wrong because I feel her heating up when I wake up each morning after just letting her stay up all night.

So much memories are in her.
I've put in so many parts of my thoughts to her.
Now maybe gone. Forever.With her.

I think this is goodbye my mini.
I can't replace you for now. You will be missed.

My First Ever 'Walk'

Woke up early at around 3:00am.
I had a fever going on because of some infection I got from eating too much spicy foods the night before. I tested my feet if I can manage to standup without fainting, it would be too dramatic if I faint suddenly in front of thousands of people.

Cooked an egg. Hard boiled.
I promised that I would join the Walk for Mary, the first time ever! Not that Im a devotee, but my primary purpose is to take photos of the crowd. Just image the scene, the sky is still dark, thousands of people walking with candles. What a great scene to practice taking shots in low light!

I heard the prayers over the air.
After eating the egg, I put on slippers and just hurried my way to the road, with just my camera, wallet and umbrella - in a bag of course. I thought that I was  already late for the procession, but I was wrong, I was there in Fuente Osmenia circle around 30 minutes before the image of the Birhen sa Guadalupe arrived.

Waiting.
I positioned myself at the skywalk to have a better view of the masses. When the image of blessed mother finally arrived, it was an awesome view to behold! It was really surreal to see all those people, praying and singing the tune of "Batobalani sa Gugma" with raised hands and swaying them over the air.

Ache.
Arriving at the Basilica, I decided that I should be inside and hear mass. It was when I stood there for more than an hour that I felt my waist is going to dislodge and Im so thirsty and hungry! Not to mention that sobbing pain I feel on my feet.

Tired.
Checked another one for the Sinulog activities I like to attend. Tomorrow is the fluvial parade I wanted to attend also, because it has been a long time since. But I feel that my body is not up to another pushing and shoving and walking long distances for tomorrow, but I'm still contemplating, will listen to my body for signs.

2011 is the year I got my Sinulog groove back!

Sinulog Fever

After not feeling "Christmasy" at all during the Christmas season, it's Sinulog time!

And yes, I definitely am more excited for Sinulog rather than Christmas this time. Why? I also asked that myself.

Maybe because Sinulog is upbeat compared to the melacholic melodies of Pasko.
Maybe because you don't have to give presents.
Maybe because it draws people to the streets, the dancing, the processions, compared to the much more family-oriented Christmas.

As for this year's Sinulog, I have ticked off a few (from my Sinulog bucket list) of the things that I wanted to do (or redo) in Sinulog. My ultimate goal maybe for next year is to join that photocontest, but I need to get the right gear first.

Devoutee or not, I am having a renewed interest in Sinulog, it is my new favorite season of the year!

It Started With Rain

2011 started very WET. It rains almost every hour for the last 4 days.
It's gloomy, cold and makes me want to stay in my bed like forever.

If not for the "nature" calls.
If not for work.
If not for the headache I get by sleeping too much - I would have just lay there like sleeping beauty, or sleeping beast to be politically correct.

Family drama spiked a few metric system high. I didn't win as I would like it to be, but I guess I learn a lesson that will stick to me for quite some time and that is to just be respectful and stay away from family business that's not my business.

Work is fine I suppose. With an impending new requests from the client coming, I'm a bit nervous - overwhelmed actually, it's like I'm looking at a forest and needs to know the varieties of the trees in it.

I'm with great positivity that my partner who is the master of all these "trees" will come back from her supposed to be vacation and  at the very least still guide me on these coming requirements. She would surely help me pass the obstacles ahead. But in any case, I myself feels that I can do this, it may not be a smooth ride but I'm trying to get out of it - whole.

One thing that I did not get myself whole last 2009 is my contract with a dear professor friend. It saddens me really to be unproductive and a burden to her. I promised her certain things that I didn't deliver. It was my bad, I'll offer no explanation, no redemption.

2011 is just starting, it may have started wet but knowing the Philippines, it will get really really hot soon.