The Holidays

Ok, honestly this post is not just about the holidays. This post are what the holidays makes me think and feel.

First, the holidays. Vacation. Free time away from work.
No, that for me. I have already consumed my leaves earlier.
So there goes my Christmas with my family.

For the second year in a row, I celebrated Christmas with Cecil Tizon. She is kind enough to stay than to go with her housemate's province where she has been invited. I truly thank her for that. We had it simple, pre-Christmas dinner and watch movies until 12 midnight. I didn't even see some fireworks because I just stayed indoors and watch the movie. After which we exchanged gifts and slept.

Not for me though. I was online and chatting with this officemate that is in love with our other officemate. Being the talker that I am, I stayed all night chatting with him talking about what went wrong, what could've done and what he still can do. I really hope she gets the girl.

So that is pretty much what went during Christmas.

Secondly, I had a really bad case of depression. Three of my highschool friends got babies! Two of them are my closest friends until now. Why? Because suddenly it dawned to me that these people are moving on with their lives. They are changing phase. They are becoming parents. I want to become a parent! I want y own child. I want to see my own little version (or my partner's).

But Im in a no relationship state.

Which made me think, Am I that undesirable? Am I that disgusting?

Am I not lovable?

To which the answers I'm not willing to know.

This is me being honest. I am not happy right now. I am happy for my friends. I am happy for the children, this is their time of the year, opening gifts and presents. But me? Im not.