The Downward Spiral

Why would somebody say you are the wrong kind of person?
Who does that to someone you only know for a limited time?
Maybe a lot.
Maybe those people who think they're closer to God than everyone else.
I seriously am very suspicious of people who says "God, God" in their mouths
but is everything Godly in their thoughts.

I thought that you can be someone different, I was wrong.
You treat people like trash. No, not treat but label them like they're some kind of things.

I am really disappointed. This is what happens when you look highly to people. I never learned.

Am I Going to Start The (Losing) Fight of My Life?

Honestly, I am not decided yet.

Will I go with it and try it? I've done my research and know the consequences and the side-effects. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one with this kind of problem. But it is such a sad realization that I got this early. Im not ready! Maybe I will in the future as this is a losing battle, but not now!

When I turn 31, that's the start, I say to myself.

And that is just over 2 weeks from now.

It will be a life long commitment if started or lose what you gain or retained when stopped.

Please enlighten me.

Childhood Memories: Part 1 - The Child Gardener

Disclaimer: This is a fictionalized story of real events. There are people, places and historical references but they may not be and are not meant to be treated as hard facts. This is a work of fiction.

Early dawn. The smell of burnt leaves fill the air. The sun is already up an hour or so ago. There are a few people around, mostly children.

I love that place, I still can vividly see it in my mind. The sweet apple (atis) tree in front of my classroom, the guava tree at the back. The different flowering plants in the garden, which every classroom had. The smell of books and chalk.

Grade one. Our house was just at the back of the school so I was tasked as the key keeper. Im the one who opens the door of our classroom, and clean it (Im not alone though, there are other pupils too). After cleaning the inside, will continue to sweep the dried leaves of the plants outside, and burn them. I till the soil, then water the garden of flowers and herbal plants.

That was my routine when I was in elementary, at grade one until six I believe, I had more memories of playing outside than actually learning how to read and write. My teacher allows me great freedom because she just let me do things I want.

One time, she threw an eraser at me because I was so loud talking at the back.

Back then, even though I didn't know how to read, I know what plants are in the garden. I also have this knack of collecting spiders and black ants for fighting. I can even remember digging up worms for fun!

At an early age, I was already an early bird and up to now still is. But the gardener? I lost it somewhere sometime but who knows it will live again.

Part 2: The Lost Book

Part 3: The Hidden Pupil

Part 4: The Underweight

Part 5: The Lost Basket

Part 6: The Wax Museum