Earth Day. Aunt Gette's Birthday Celebration!

We are on the middle of the summer season and this is my 3rd beach for the year 2012!

I have to be honest, I did not feel so excited and so happy this time going to the beach because I have so many things (actually only just 1 gargantuan decision of a lifetime) that is bothering me. I can't just help but let my mind drift and think about it (and ruin my vacation).

However, all was not lost because I got to spend the entire day baby sitting my nephew who loves the beach and he is like all the other kids blissfully happy under the sun. "Pakgang" is the term for that sunburnt skin in our dialect.

This is the 2nd consecutive year that my aunt celebrated her birthday and this time is much more special because they tried island hopping (which I did not joined).

As usual with this activity, the food is AWESOME!

Soon my worries will go away (or at the least changed), I need to think more positively and get that buff body I dream about for like forever.

Unsuccessful

So I tried to take the exam of Nokia-Siemens. At first I did not have the intention of joining their company, I just want to take their exam to prepare myself on my future endevours in exam-taking. However all that changed after their manager, which is from Hungary, finished his talk. He is a very funny guy while discussing what their company do and what they need, and the career path one can take. I was really sold to them. In a way I wanted to pass the exam. I did study for about a week on Java and I felt comfortable that I can answer the exam and pass it!

I failed. Miserably.

The first part of the exam is composed of general programming questione, more like an IQ test for programmers. The 1st question asked for an algo on computing a prime number. That is also where I made my first (and maybe fatal) mistake. I instead computed for an odd/even number! And to make it worse, I realized it when I got home. Then there is a question regarding arranging the shapes and I totally also dissed it too! Sad.

That meant I was not really prepared and Im a bit rusty on thinnking about algo on problems. The exam have not even included sorting and searching algorithms! The horror it may have brought. The lesson of the story is I have to study more. Review. Review. Review.

How about the Java centric questions? Gahd, another point of misery. I was able to maybe not get totally lost but it is still no good. There are questions that I really dont know the answers or are not sure because of the breadth and depth of the Java language. I have not programmed Java for quite a long time and it doesn't help that I dont have any programming projects that can hone my skills.

It was a sad 2 day realization for me. I am officially lost on this.

What will be my future, it looks uncertain. But I have to risk one more time.

Lost Spark

Not in an island
Not in an ocean
Not in a lake or a mountain peak

To each others heart
We both cant fake
The looks in each other's eye
The flash of each other's smile

Your hair feels good in mine
My body fits perfectly in yours
We both move in unison
Harmonizing together, it's perfection

This is years back
When hormones fills our stocks
Now we are memories apart
Yearning for that lost spark

Easter Beach

Was not planning to go with this beach outing along with my mother (and by extension my nephew and niece) and a gazillion other ka-barangays, but glad I did!

It is not a fancy or I may dare say beatiful beach place but I know in the eyes of my nephew this memory of his childhood will be etched in his memory forever, and I like to be a part of that.

My mother said the bus will fetch us by 6am, but the baranggay bus which they rented is occupied and we got serviced by this hideous and old, eaten-by-rust kaosiong bus past 9.

We arrived at the beach and it was packed! So packed, that it looked like a pilgrimage site with thousands of people. I did not take a dip at the beach because of the soaring heat and the multitude of people, mostly children, happily bleaching theirselves along the shore where strong waves kisses the brown-sand beach.

If you look at it, the beach looks muddy and you can see garbage floating in the water. Whenever there are lots of people, expect garbage to abound! Biscuit packages, plastic bags, barbecue sticks, juice packs and other kinds of debris are being carelessly thrown by these people into the very waters they swim!

When I was a kid, I remember that my lolo Max (my mother's father) used to get us from our house on a weekend and we go to the beach in Lilo-an. It is one of my fondest memories of him. In the eyes of a child, it is not really important if the beach is white sandy type or if it has many amenities or nice rooms. In the eyes of a child, the sound of the waves and seeing the expanse of the blue waters are enough for him to feel happiness. Simple, unadulterated, happiness!

This time, I am certain that my nephew and niece have the time of their lives enjoying the beach, not having a care in the world or whether they will get sun-burnt. All they care about is to play with the sand, the waves and their friends like there is no tomorrow.

For me, my duty is to take snapshots of memories I can share with them in the future in a time where the world will be not so simple anymore. I want to share to them that once in their lives they were happy and totally free.

Prayer

As I was walking along the procession of the dead Jesus, I let my mind drift and talk to God, in a prayer of sorts. I was having difficulty in finding the perfect timing to medidate and be in solitude throughout the day. All the members of the family are in the house and it's noisy - it's not helping with the meditation. The soaring heat is also a big issue, there is no escape from it since we dont have airconditioning.

During the procession, I thank the Lord for all the blessings He has given unto me all these years. Im grateful to Him because even if I am not the best person He still showers me with blessings. Being alive, well and having my friends, family and job are the basic things the Lord has not forsaken me to have. I am thankful and aware that not all people are given these good circumstance in life.

I also asked the Lord for my impending adventure, that He will still guide me and bless me on the new things that I will embark upon, that I will not be led astray, that I will be following the right path.

On my vengeful and bitter heart, that He will lighten my anguish towards the people I don't approve of, of those that hurt me, specially if its family. I pray that the Lord will fill me with love and see the world in a child's way once again.

Forgiveness on all the sins I committed knowingly and unknowingly - I also asked from Him, for who can forgive me but Him alone?

Thank you Lord. And bless us all.

A Happy Blog

Wahahhaa. Laugh.

I've been rereading my previous posts and aside from bad grammar and poor sentence construction, I noticed that most (majority) of my entries are gloomy, sad, desperate. I have a copy of my Friendster comments (yeah Friendster, before Facebook there was Friendster) and from their comments Im supposed to be this jolly, simple, innocent person! Whhaha.

Seriously, in a span of as little as 6 years I changed. Maybe some will call it maturity. My perspective changed, my ideals and my personality changed.

In some aspect I may have become better, and in another aspects I may have become bitter.

But I can still feel that happiness, my true happiness, is just lurking around the corner.

Cheers to that!

Holy Week

I tried to observe the Holy Week traditions/practices this year. For the very first time in my near 30 years of being a Catholic. The reason? I just want to try it.

It started on Ash Wednesday. Fail. 

I did not have my forehead "ashed" (?!?). I tried to go to Guadalupe church early, but the church was closed when I got there. I thought the church will be open by then. I did not have the chance to go to church that evening. 

Also on that same day, I tried to "abstain" from food. Another fail.

From the strictest sense of "abstinence" one is not allowed to eat along with meat, any food that contains milk and dairy products (except eggs). I drank 2 yakult that day. But nonetheless I only ate ponkan (local orange fruit) and lots of water and one egg (because I was so hungry that night). 

On Fridays within the Lenten season, I should not eat meat. But I reduced this to not eating pork alone as I can't bare it to work on an empty stomach with only fruits and vegetables to sustain me. Also it should only be one full meal (but you can eat small snacks as long as it will not equate to a full meal). Another fail. 

One Friday, I was almost finish eating binagoongang baboy when I realized it was Friday! On another occasion, I ate snacks (dinner) which made me feel full (french fries and fresh lumpia).

Now that the Lenten season is coming to a close, there is only one more Friday to abstain any food. I hope I will make it! 

Though one might say that the modern interpretation of abstinence and fasting is not only on food per se but I realized that it is very hard to deny oneself of the basic needs (food), and that it is easier said that done. I now have great respect to those people who can go for days (or even months) with only water and little food, praying and in solitude. 

I might have only zeroed in on the food and not eating part but I guess I will try this again next year and on that time I should up the ante and focus on the spiritual and meditation. The holy week should be deeper in meaning that just being deprived of food. I may have failed now but it did not hurt trying and maybe in a small amount I have thought of the real meaning of this season and that is Jesus died for us, and that is a sacrifice heavier than any fasting or abstinence.

Countdown Begins

63 days.

That's 2 months shy, away from my 2 years in here.
I bought a ticket and that's the start.
Of this countdown that would take me near
To some land I longed to be a part.

In 92 days will fly away.

Hopefully it will turn out well
Will stay there for 3 weeks
I hope my chances are there
Jobs will not scare

I need this to prepare a life
Of me in my own paradise
To have a good future
The present should work harder

So goodbye my old friends
Goodbye my new found friends
Adieu to you my family
My heart will never forget the memories

If in the event the timing is off
I'll return here or over there
Somewhere I knew from before
Will be back to earn some more