Another milestone has finished and I'm giving myself a pat in the back for making it. And yet, why do I feel uncertain about the future? Why do I love to be back to the "state" where I previously been? Was it a wrong decision I'd made?
Only the future knows.
But for the moment I'm euphoric for having made it to this point, and it is enough to not think of the worries. I can honestly say that the 21 year old me would have not believed (after 6 years) that I'm here and not over there (to where I imagined myself years ago).
Questions surrounds me more than answers, and life has to go forward. It's not about meticulously planning your life that matters most (in my opinion) but how you react to what's going on in your life that matters most.
I'm relieved that I made something out of my time, my talents and skills.
I'm relieved that I am a part of the society, and not a menace to society.
I'm relieved that I can still do the the things I wanted to do, despite the limitations to which Im currently bound.
I'm relieved that I have true friends.
It always puts a smile on my face whenever I look back, reliving the memories of the not so distant past.
Reliving the memories of my childhood, I can recall that my first memory was when I was 4 years old because I wanted to go with my mother to the baptism of my younger sister.
Reliving the memories when I first went to kindergarten II and crying over to my lolo because I was shy to go inside the classroom.
Reliving the memories of my elementary years where, I am the key holder because I'm always the first one to arrive and maybe a teacher's pet (as some of my classmates zealously accused me of). And that tragic day when I was fooled into turning over the proceeds of the canteen's basket, when 2 kids persuaded me to give them the money because they will be the one to give it to the canteen. That is my first taste of how evil some people are. When I lost a textbook and was afraid to face my grade 4 school teacher. When in Grade 4 I was considered as a fast reader and was the tutor of my other classmates who can't barely read. When in Grade 6, I got the highest NEAT score in my section.
Reliving the memories of my high school years where there was an awkward time meet new friends. When I was part of the top 10 in the first grading and was so proud of it. When hormonal changes, changed the way I looked, my voice, my whole being. When
Reliving the memories of college, and the crazy things I've done. Again meeting new friends, this time though these people have a circle of friends already and it's a bit harder to get into that circle. College life for me is the most challenging since you have this notion that after this hurdle, life is a breeze when you are working on a job in line with what you are studying, but life takes turns not that you know of at that moment.
And finally it is a relief that I'm still here, with all those experiences I've undergone in my life. It really is a blessing on how you've survived and still surviving.
It is a relief that my family is still here.
It is a relief that my friends are still here.
It is a relief that I still find my purpose.
It is a relief that I'm growing mature and not just growing old.
It is a relief that God is still with me.
